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    CATTUTT   11,020
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I was going to come and mope...

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I had every intention of this being a "woe is me cause I can't stop eating" blog. And in a way, it still is. But a VERY wise Sparker posted the symptoms of Compulsive Eating Disorder... and I realized every one of them applies to me. I figured I had characteristics of compulsive eating, but I didn't think I qualified for the "disorder". I was wrong, very wrong. I don't want to slap another label on myself by saying I have Compulsive Eating Disorder, or that I'm a compulsive eater, but I think it might be a good thing. I have obviously been ignoring a real problem that I need help to fix. To that end, I looked up an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. I found one Monday at noon, so I'll be attending that. I might not get anything from the meeting... but then again, I might find just what I need to help me get control of my food issues and really lose some weight. I would never have thought to go to the OA website and read, until it was posted. So thank you THANK YOU to the Sparker that shared it!

I woke up this morning in a crappy mood, so I decided to go back to sleep. Didn't feel any better when I woke up again. As is habit {maybe compulsive habit}, I figured food would solve the problem. And when I say "food" I don't mean the tuna sandwiches and carrots I was planning on having. I mean Chinese. And when I say "Chinese", I don't mean steamed veggies. I mean half the damn buffet, eating eating eating until I couldn't shove one more bite in my mouth. And the result? I didn't feel any better. Actually, I felt worse. I felt bad that I had done it, and I felt bad because consuming that much food makes one feel bad. So I was still in a crappy mood, and only accomplished making it worse. Food solves nothing. I know that, you know that, we all know that... so why do I keep turning to it to fix things? Why can I not keep that fact in my head to call up when I need it?

While I was making excellent decisions today, I also made the decision to not walk. I had a beautiful day that dh was off work, and we had planned to go to the park and have a picnic and walk. Instead I had Chinese and no walk. Cause, you know... nothing makes you feel better than eating a ton and not working out. Right? Yeah, no, probably not. But the logic sector of my brain was on vacation this morning.

But anyway. Wednesday is the day I make our menu for the next week so we can do our grocery shopping tomorrow. I thought about it while we were out, and realized we needed to find some tzatziki sauce to go with the baked falafel I'm going to make. Simple, right? Wrong. We bought it once at World Market, so that's where we went first. Discontinued. So then we thought... well, maybe Walmart has something in their international foods section. No, but they did have a tiny jar in the ketchup section. Wtf? We didn't want to pay so much for such a little jar, so we decided to try a Mediterranean grocery store. They looked at me like I was nuts when I asked if they had it. So...... then we tried a regular grocery store and found the same little jar they had at WM. We made one last stop at Whole Foods, and finally found some. So after driving around in circles for about 2 hours... we finally have tzatziki sauce.

Next week's menu is vegetarian for me. Vegetarian with a little chicken for Jeff. Another wise Sparker said that the hormones in conventionally raised caused her hormones to be screwy because of her PCOS. I also have PCOS, and I have contemplated that hormone fluctuations might be a part of my mood swings. I figured there would be no harm in trying a vegetarian week and seeing if it makes me feel any different. I have an appointment with an ob/gyn on the 25th, and at that point I'm going to ask about my hormones and if they might explain part of my craziness. But in the mean time, I thought I'd give skipping meat a try. It will be a lacto-ovo sort of thing, and I'm really hoping it might make a difference in my moods. It sure would be nice to find something that ISN'T a drug that would help!

While I'm going about the business of cutting things out of my diet, I'm also putting caffeine on the chopping block. I have been having headaches every day, and I thought it might be because of crazy caffeine fluctuations. I was used to drinking anywhere from half to a full case of diet soda every day. Now I drink one when I wake up, and one in the evening to take my medications. Otherwise, I was maybe having another one, maybe not. I had a headache yesterday, then had a frozen coffee, and the headache went away. As much as I would prefer to just go back to drinking caffeine from the time I get up til the time I go to bed, that's not good for me. And it's expensive. So I'm going to try eliminating caffeine except for when I have food from a restaurant or the occasional coffee. Maybe if I break my body's need to have caffeine, the headaches will go away. So, Diet Ginger Ale for me for the next several days.

It is about an hour until bedtime, and I'm trying to harness my chi, or my mojo, or whatever you want to call it. Whatever it is that helps me wake up and be ready to tackle the day in a HEALTHY way. Today has been bad, but some good things have come of it. All I can do now is take today's lessons, and apply them to tomorrow. Today started off bad and got worse. Tomorrow WILL be a good day. I will not let crabbiness win again.

Okay, wow, this is a long ass entry! If anyone is still reading at this point, sorry! Hope everyone has had a Happy Hump Day.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YHINESS 9/19/2013 8:06PM

    Tomorrow I'd love to read as much about the positive you did today. I hear you saying that you were aware of your choices, aware how they were destructive, felt out of control but turned that into an awesome blog post to not let it brew inside you, and have humor to look at parts of it. You're awesome to share this so keep up the good work! emoticon

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EG8383 9/19/2013 4:30PM

  I've been here before and no one can get you out the rut but yourself. it's like a light switch. I try to force myself to be good with food and if I don't do that great I try to get some activity in to sweat so at least I know that makes me feel better. GOod luck and don't give up!!! this is a life style change. if the changes you're making is making it worse to eat better and workout then cut them out slowly. you can do it!

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PICKIE98 9/19/2013 3:43PM

    Maybe want to try weaning the caffeine by adding decaf into the coffee a bit at a time until it is the whole cup of coffee.. People here have gotten good results from it..

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SIRENALEANNE 9/19/2013 2:08PM

    Have a wonderful night! You can do it! Don't give up. emoticon

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SKEETOR 9/19/2013 10:03AM

    Everyone has bad days. Just don't give up and remember that each new day is another chance to do it right. I hope you have a great Thursday!

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ADARKARA 9/19/2013 8:51AM

    I make tzatziki at home, because I seriously love it garlicky. Here's my recipe!

http://recipes.sparkpeople.
com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=20
99182

Go lighter on the garlic if you don't want the garlic burps for days!

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ONELITTLEPILL 9/19/2013 8:02AM

    Today is a brand new day, a brand new start. Best wishes for making it great!!! emoticon

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XANGELSTEARZX 9/19/2013 6:31AM

    emoticon To learn to eat to live instead of live to eat takes some work...but, I have faith in you!!! You can make today a much better day!!!

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LOFLLAMA 9/18/2013 9:38PM

    We all have 'labels'....it's what we DO that defines us! I'm an alcoholic Bipolar! How's that for screwy??? LOL! Not really! I'm happy to be who I am & so should you. I gave you the toolbox. Now, it's time for you to fill it with all YOUR tools! Stay blessed, my love! I'm VERY proud of you! You are going to do great! I have faith in you! I love you!
Lisa

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ALICEART2010 9/18/2013 9:37PM

    Make tomorrow GREAT.

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