Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Big ol' sigh. I have been MIA for a bit due to spending last week being caregiver for a sick grandma. Grandma went to the ER on Saturday and was diagnosed with cancer. She has been in the hospital since. The cancer is in her esophagus and was blocking her stomach so she couldn't eat and was constantly spitting up. They were able to put a stint in yesterday to open up a place for her to be able to eat. Just found out that it's stage IV and has spread to her liver. It's aggressive and they think she has only had it for a few months.
Grandma is my significant other's grandma. I am better able to separate from my feelings while at the hospital. I'm trying to run all their errands so they don't have to worry. You need a break? I'll stay. You're hungry? I'll get you something. I'm exhausted. I have a hard time when others sob and I don't know what to do. I'm sad for them. I am having flashbacks about when my grandma was sick and they look the same. Its been about 5 years for me. Also this family has never dealt with any deaths so that makes it difficult.
Anyway its time to go back to the hospital. Emotional roller coaster.