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    KARENKANDO   4,147
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September 17, 2013 - Day 104 - A Life Worth Living - I am Grateful - Day 23


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I am so angry right now I could just scream!!! But I can't because it's 6:00 a.m. and I don't want to wake the neighbors who would likely call the cops who would likely have me committed to a mental institution who would likely petition for guardianship and keep me on lock down for the rest of my life! Today I am grateful that I'm not going to scream, I'm not going to wake the neighbors, I'm not going to encounter the police or end up in a psych ward!

I am, however, going to tell you that the cause of my anger is my mother-in-law. We had a falling out over a year ago and two weeks ago, I did what I felt was the "right" thing to do. I sent an apology via e-mail. It wasn't just an "I'm Sorry". No, no, it was a heart-felt, loving, kind, me taking responsibility for my part in it all, respectful letter! This morning? Two weeks later? I get this, "You're email requires much thought on my part and I'm busy having fun with my family - no time for thinking!" reply. Seriously? My apology requires "much thinking"? I'm done! I'm done, done, done! And full of regret for ever reaching out in the first place! That woman drives me mad!!!!!

I cannot allow this emotional upset to ruin my day. I can't! I won't! I won't give her the satisfaction! The first thing I thought of after reading her e-mail was to come here. To a place where genuine love, support and acceptance lives. To my spark friends. Trust me when I tell you, it's the best decision I've made this morning and will be the best decision I'll make all day.

At all costs, I need to avoid negativity. I just can't have it in my life. It makes me crazy - literally. I am a reactionary and often times the way I react "in the moment", causes me great regret later on. So I just gotta kick it to the curb! And if the negativity is coming from an individual? Relative or not, they gotta go! This is MY life, right? I get to decide who is and who is not a part of it. Right?

Where my focus should be today and should have been all along is on all the wonderful comments, suggestions and ideas I received from all of you to my last blog. I read them all. . . twice! Thank you all so very much for taking the time to not only read my blog, but to offer such genuine support and concern. I need you all like I need oxygen! And I just don't know where I'd be without you. Somehow I survived before SparkPeople. . . but now that I have found you? Yeah, I know I couldn't live without you. Wouldn't even want to.

Thank you for being there. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for always being honest with me. Oh, and thank you for letting me rant. . . just a little. But most of all. . . thank you for your love. This community thrives because it's full of all the good stuff - mostly love.

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I wish you peace and happiness and lots and lots of love.

Much love,
Karen
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MARLY53 9/21/2013 8:29PM

    emoticon You did the right thing in reaching out to your mother-in-law and you did with love in your heart. It hurts to be snubbed like that when you gave a heart felt apology. She should be ashamed of her actions. You are right in distancing yourself from her, you don't deserve to be treated like that and you don't have to take it. The ball is in her court now. I am so lucky, I have the best mother-in-law ever She's a second mom to me. I just love her to death. She is the most loving, accepting and giving person. I hope that I can become like her in that aspect. I hope I can be the same mother-in-law to my son's wives as she is to hers

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KAREN608 9/19/2013 6:24PM

    Well you tried. Putting you off like that was rude, and best stay away from the .... insert word of your choice here.

It was right to apologize. You can move on now, really. Some people just aren't worth the time. She may have been expecting an in person, on your face apology like Anne of Green Gables? No way. We are grown up. We have email. That works nowadays.

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CYBERCITYSHELL 9/18/2013 7:18AM

    Karen, I am sorry to hear that your mother in law wasn't so accepting to your apology. You have done your part, and you did it thoughtfully and tried your best. It is her that wasn't willing to accept it. I am not surprised that you are angry. You know mother in laws do have a bad reputation. For being unpleasant to their daughter in law. And she obviously has read the mother in law memo-how to be unforgiving and to hold a grudge. It is her loss, and you have been the more civilised person by apologising.
Let her make the next move on being friendly. She isn't doing herself any favours for being so unforgiving.
You came to the right place, hehe to your spark buddies. We do care and love hearing from you . There will always be negitive people and negitive situations. And the main thing is that we don't let them sway our judgement or our positive outlook. And don't let them spoil our day or bring us down. She may think it over and decide that you were offering your apology and that it would be a good idea to accept it. Leave the next move to her, because you have done your bit. What she should consider is that you love her son, and she loves your husband. So it wouldn't hurt her to be a grown up and accept it.
I hope that you have not let her spoil your day. Do something calming that you enjoy doing to feel on top. Music is great for all moods, incense, candles, a nice bubbly bath. Sweep all thoughts of her out of your mind and enjoy the day. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon . I found a dart board, you know what you do with a dart board when someone gets you mad...
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Comment edited on: 9/18/2013 7:21:40 AM

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DEEGIRL50 9/17/2013 8:08PM

    Will it help if I scream for you? AHHHHhhhhhhh!!!
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Bravo for being brave and writing a letter from the heart. The fact that she didn't accept your apology is her Bad. Remember she raised your loving husband. I always thank my mother-in-law for the wonderful man she gave to me. You have replaced her as the number one woman in his life... oh, that has to hurt. Maybe understanding where she's coming from will help you to understand her bad behavior.

With that being said... you do not have to tolerate unkind behavior. I would be civil to her and hopefully some day she'll warm up to you. If not... it's her loss!! You are spectacular!!!
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MCFITZ2 9/17/2013 8:07PM

    Karen
1. You did a mature and healing step to try and mend that relationship.
You realize that the whole family is affected by your relationship with your mil.
2. She reacted in a vindictive childish manner to try and hurt you.
Sadly she does't seem to be thinking beyond getting in the final dig.
3. Garbage in garbage out. Protect you mental health by avoiding or at least limiting = negative i influences.
Maybe she will reach out at some time.


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UNSWEETMAMA 9/17/2013 3:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DGFOWLER 9/17/2013 3:36PM

    Sometimes Karen we have to release ourselves from toxic people. Those people that no matter how much you try to satisfy them they are never satisfied. You went above and beyond a normal apology. If she doesn't have time for her family by thinking about your email (What the heck does she think you are?) than why even bother to send back such a negative response? Most likely no response would have been better than the one she sent to you. I'm so sorry she treated you like this. Don't be the doormat any longer.. Be the door greeter and let her know that the doors swings both ways and for now since you have to 'think' about her response your side is closed and no longer open for business.

Hope this finds you in a better place than you were this morning when you wrote it. emoticon Donna

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RHYMESWITHBABY 9/17/2013 10:43AM

    I am so sorry you had to go through that. emoticon

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NHES220 9/17/2013 10:36AM

    I think you are going to just have to realize she is a small minded person and let it go. You did your best, move on. I heard a woman speak once, I believe it was Bertice Berry, and she said "forgiveness isn't letting people off the hook, it's letting yourself off the hook they put you on". So, It's hard, but shake it off, move on and realize she just does not get it and she probably never will. Put your efforts into people who deserve it because you are worth it.
Noreen


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COLLEENROSTE 9/17/2013 10:25AM

    forgiveness isn't about what you offer the other person, it is about what you are able to give yourself- ---by letting go of the hurtful words, by taking the steps to heal the relationship, to rise above the pettiness and strife you have given yourself the gift of freedom to live and love without bitterness. maybe throwing your hands up in the air and being done is a good thing today. the ball is clearly in her court- if it takes too much thinking on her part to receive you and your gift to her maybe she needs a little more time to stew in her own pickle juice. never stop being who you are Karen emoticon if that doesn't make any sense it is because I just got off my night shift and need to sleep

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SUNFLOWERGAMMY 9/17/2013 10:19AM

    Your opening lines made me smile! Been there done that kind of smile! Loved the line about being a "reactionary" because I never used that term before but as they say if the shoe fits wear it, and it fits me like Cinderella's glass slipper emoticon on a more serious note you extended the olive branch, you did your part and whether you're mother in law decides to take it or not is her gain if she accepts and her loss if she doesn't because you're a hoot and having you in my life seems like it would be a blessing!
Have a great day my " reactionary" sister emoticon

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AWESOMECHELZ 9/17/2013 8:08AM

    I have gone though something similar twice with people who meant a LOT to me in my life and both times I dealt with it differently.

The first time I "expected" a positive response, like you, and it didn't happen and I was both, very angry and so very sad. The second time I thought about it before I wrote the letter and told myself not to expect anything AND asked myself WHY I was really writing the letter. I decided that I was really writing it for me, to feel better and not feel the extreme anger and isolation that I felt in relation to her. The person responded angrily and, like you, I had put a lot of thought behind it and true feelings BUT I wasn't hurt the second time as bad because I got MY positives came BEFORE I sent it to her.

Since you love your husband very much, this complicates things. I hope you can find a way to release the anger (Exercise) emoticon and to heal your hurt. You can start here by knowing that many of us understand what you are going through and love you very much. emoticon

Love, Chelsea

P.S. You still have your sense of humor which shows on the first paragraph!! emoticon

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CONNIEDETHOMAS 9/17/2013 7:44AM

    emoticon
You came to the right place for support and love!!!!
Love Connie in WV

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 9/17/2013 7:35AM

    I also have strong reactions to things like you do. Then I have trouble shaking them and they affect my day. You caught yourself early. That is admirable!


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