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    DEMETERLOVES2   4,228
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Starting from square one


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I failed miserably over a period of time. Now that I've admitted that, I'm hoping to move forward with succeeding. I'm at the highest weight I've ever been and I have always told myself that I would NEVER get close to 300 lbs!! Here I am, about 5 lbs shy of it and it is heartbreaking. I don't know what happened. There's so much stress and I lost control of my depression. I stopped being able to see my shrink, which really hurt. Going from a weekly session to NO session is rough. My doctor has really been helping me over the last year and I am so grateful to her for making me want to get better, along with the shrink. The meds are really starting to work, despite the fact that they recently had to be increased ... again.
I want to be healthy. I want to make sure that I stick with this, too. I don't want to be that person who just spirals out of control so far that I stop caring. I am hoping to be able to afford some tests to confirm if I have diabetes. I don't want to believe that it's possible but there are certain signs that indicate it is possible. It's my own fault, too, if I do. There's also the possibility of a thyroid problem, which would just suck all around.
My goal is to take it one day at a time, not beat myself up when I screw up here and there and just keep moving forward. I need to believe in myself before I expect others to believe in me.
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