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My Mind Is Trying to Tell Me Who I Am

Monday, September 16, 2013

Crazy blog title, but how many of us have had our mind dictate a litany of words that "tells" us who we are?
I had a rough weekend, as you may know, we picked up RT's ashes on Saturday. For some reason, perhaps my grief, I didn't feel the urge to emotionally eat at the time of her death, or shortly there after.
Upon receiving her ashes, my mind went into hyper drive!
I could hear the same voices telling me, "You will feel much better if you ate some ice cream, with hot fudge, home made of course, with nuts, whipped cream..."
The voice was relentless, "you need to eat, eat you'll feel better." I told my husband about 25 times this weekend that I wanted a "treat" my word for something that isn't in my calorie count, you know what I'm talking about..but I didn't do it.
I ate salad with lots of fresh veggies, lean chicken, I had fresh fruit, lots of healthy, wholesome, life giving foods.
The battle was strong, I didn't think I was going to make it, but I kept telling my self that I was strong, I could over come this unhealthy pattern, I could do better, I didn't need to eat to feel better. I needed to do this for me, and even when my husband left the Pecan Sandies out on the coffee table for two days I didn't eat one. Well, don't congratulate me just yet-I'm really not that crazy about that cookie, now if it was my home made shortbread that would have been a different story! ( I wouldn't have left them sitting there, they would have been far out of reach!!)
The point is this: I have gained and lost, gained and lost since I was 10 years old.
This is a battle, it's a battle in my mind, in my body, for my self, and my health.
I think it is also a spiritual battle.
I am trying to break down strongholds and patterns that have plagued me since childhood.
There are a couple things that helped me though it:

I'm eating at the table. I'm not watching much tv, therefore I'm not watching commercials, I'm sadly not watching much of one of my favorite channels-Food Network.
I also kept telling myself, "NO!!!!!" No, I don't need to eat, no, I won't feel better, no to self, what a concept!
I don't know how I will do each time the desire to emotional eat comes out like a vengence, but I do know that the voice in my head is shouting resolve!
And the voice of self loathing, well, it's just a whisper.
Here's to us!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PGHP31CK 9/20/2013 9:25AM

    Yay! You did it! You overcame the litany running in your head! I have one, too, and know how powerful it can be!

In Christ, we can do all things. And I believe that He sends others to help us along the way. Thank you for sharing your journey -- your words have helped me this week!!!

emoticon

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SHELLS514 9/17/2013 3:17PM

    What an awesome blog Dee! Congratulations, this is a victory, one or many more to come! I'm so proud of you for not giving in to the battle of the mind. Each time we overcome it just makes us stronger and better equipped for our next challenge, and there will always be one coming, I know eventually those thoughts will completely disappear as we learn to focus on ourselves. Thank you for posting your thoughts, I know it has helped me to know I am not alone. btw...I too am not watching Food Network right now :(
Keep up the awesome work! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 9/17/2013 1:15AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
You are so much stronger than you think you are!!! Keep up your great work!!! Even though it may be difficult at times, you can beat that evil voice...just like you did over the weekend!!!
Have a wonderful week and know that YOU CAN DO IT on minute at a time if necessary.
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Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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KAYDE53 9/16/2013 11:08PM

    emoticon emoticon Good for you!! emoticon

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PINKNFITCARLA 9/16/2013 9:50PM

    Great job! emoticon

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COCK-ROBIN 9/16/2013 8:54PM

    Wonderful!

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SMIDGON 9/16/2013 7:45PM

    Just keep a mental picture in your mind of that evil one! And, he is puting nasty wiggly, craweling bugs and worms on your "treat".

That should do it!

Janet

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NHES220 9/16/2013 7:43PM

    Dee,
Well done, that had to be a very difficult moment picking up the ashes - really final closure. You are so strong, so hang in there, you can do this!
Noreen
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LOUIE-LILY 9/16/2013 6:39PM

    Hi Dee - All things are possible through Him!!! Good for you - this is a battle we're in - you won a tremendous battle - Don't let your guard down emoticon . . keep going! emoticon emoticon
So proud of you!
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Hugs, emoticon emoticon
Nancy


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WALNUTT1961 9/16/2013 4:20PM

    emoticon Yes! We have to keep talking to ourselves. Thanks for the tips! I am an emotional eater - happy or sad. emoticon



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CJJANISS 9/16/2013 3:14PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PICKIE98 9/16/2013 3:06PM

    You are a strong warrior babe!! Keep that force field around you 24/7 and don't let the demon voices of fat wear you down to indulge!!
I am very proud of you.

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