Sunday, September 15, 2013
Let's refocus and try this again. There were things going on this week that I didn't or couldn't do. And I'm upset. Wednesday night was open house night at my daughter's high school. She reallg wanted me to go. Her school is at the top of a hill - like 60 steps to the school. I was just there Monday huffing and puffing so I really did not want to do it again. I didn't. She said she was okay with it, but I wish I didn't disappoint her.
Yesterday,there was a local 5k that I always look forward to. I knew I couldn't beat my time, I know I'm heavier than last year. I didn't go because I was embarrassed.
That afternoon I downloaded a c25k program on my phone. I did the very beginning walk/ run and couldn't even do all of the running...but I did do 3 of them. Not bad considering I didn't think I would be able to do any. I had a long and honest talk with myself and God before I started. I admitted that exercising scares me. What if it doesn't work? What if I'm doing it wrong? What if I get hurt? Losing weight scares me. What will I feel like? People will notice. I think I'm happy hiding behind my weight blob...but had ti admit that I don't like it when people look past me ti avoid looking at me.