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I just need to "talk"

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Thanks to some hand exercises from Caroljean64 my hand is feeling much better. I just got a start on the rolls I meant to make yesterday by putting some bulgur wheat in boiling water to soften. This means that I will FINALLY christen my stand mixer. I've made these bulgur rolls before and they're delicious (and they're big enough to make great sandwich and burger buns).

I'm fighting some really bad feelings right now -- teary and scared, although I have no clue what I'm supposed to be afraid of. I'm distracting myself by Sparking and watching a recording of probably my all-time favorite Iron Chef America episode. Imagine if you will: Bobby Flay, Marc Murphy, Ted Allen AND Alton Brown, all in the same episode. Can you say "Mary Heaven?" (Mark Dascassos, "The Chairman," isn't difficult to look at either.)

I'm making the week's grocery order, to be placed on Friday when I get paid. I am sternly not allowing myself to order any chips (my worst downfall). Instead of the bulk pork sausage I'd usually order I'm ordering a package of links. If I have two of them with my weekend breakfast, I'll get my pork-product fix for far fewer calories. The one thing I'm wrestling with is a big box of Bisquik, one of the only two convenience products I still use (cream of mushroom soup being the other). Bisquik makes my favorite chicken and dumplings. I do enjoy the pancakes it makes. However, I do know it's probably not the best thing I could get. Still considering.

I am a serious coffee lover (you probably guessed that). On weekdays I have two cups before work, and on weekends when I have time I have four. But I'm beginning to think I need to limit the weekends to two cups a day as well. When I'm at home I have certain "issues" I don't have on workdays, and the major variable is the coffee intake. Sigh...

Don't mind me. I'm just not feeling great right now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sometimes those emotions just seem to come out of nowhere, not connected to anything going on in your life. I try to tell myself that feelings aren't facts, and that just because I feel something doesn't mean I have to act on it.

    I'm sorry you're going through this right now, and I know how hard it is to be scared and not even know what you're scared of. Just wondering if it has anything to do with ypur lease renewal and being locked into a place you're not happy with for another year?

    We're always here to talk to, and we understand how hard life can be sometimes. Never think you're imposing on us by sharing what's going on.
    1524 days ago
    Thinking of you, Mary!! You're doing great! emoticon
    1524 days ago
  • JILL313
    Hi Mary, Sorry that your Sunday wasn't a really good one for you because of how you were feeling inside. . .That happens to all of us from time to time. I sure hope you've had a good Monday. I'm also a coffee Lover and do tend to overdo it. I know it's good but I drink way too much of it and can't stay away from the Potty if you know what I mean. I hope you're enjoying a relaxing evening after a long day at work.


    Jill emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1525 days ago
  • PGHP31CK
    It's what this community is for!

    Your rolls sound yummy, and you're making good choices for your grocery order.

    May today be a better day! emoticon
    1526 days ago
  • LIS193
    1526 days ago
    You can make your own fake Bisquick any time you need it. I'm sure there are a billion baking mix recipes online....
    1526 days ago
    Vent all you want. You have every right to allow your feeling to be heard. I hope you were able to distract yourself from the negative thoughts trying to creep in.
    1526 days ago

    You know you can always vent here. That's what your sparkfriends are here for! Hope you're feeling better soon.
    1526 days ago
    Sometimes when I get those moments of really wanting potato chips or french fries, I'll chop up and roast a sweet potato. It isn't quite the same, but it helps. I hope things get better for you.

    1526 days ago
    vent your feelings here must be able to get out
    1526 days ago
  • LUANN7
    I am a big coffee drinker too and I have anywhere from 2 to 6 cups a day depending on what I am doing I have a kuereg coffee maker and it does 1 cup portions and I love it it's always a fresh cup.I dont count my coffee as water intake I still drink 8 glasses of water no matter how many coffees I have. You seem to be a little down but your doing your grocerylist and keeping the junk off it so that's a good thing and your thinking is on track so pull yourself up and have a better ending to your day.I know your sad the steelers didn't play today right!!!LOL your distracting your bad thoughts and that's a good thing too. So cheer up and know you did good today and tomorrow is always there for a fresh start of any kind that you need if you do. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1526 days ago
  • WILDKAT781
    1526 days ago
    Mary, I think you are doing wonderful with your emotions. We all have bad moments, days and weeks. You are realizing this and trying to distract yourself. Kodoos to you. Don't try to hide them entirely. Journal them here or in a nice notebook. Good and bad days. You may see a pattern develop. Then you can discuss it with your therapist. Those rolls sound wonderful and I'm so glad you are using that mixer! Now just don't forget about those hot rollers that I reminded you about. :)

    Luv ya!

    ~ Kristan
    1526 days ago
    The rolls sound delicious. I have a Cooking Light recipe for chicken pot pie and that calls for light Biscuick. I do love the result so I decided not to stop since it is an occasional treat. I was having problems with heart burn and cut my coffee back to one large cup which has really helped. Sending hugs for your feelings. I hope the evening with Food Network will be just the distraction you need.
    1526 days ago
    Interesting blog. I am almost totally off food on a very low calorie medically supervised diet and the mention of any food can set off a craving in me. After 8 weeks, it is not nearly so bad! One thing I have done is really gone into high gear collecting recipes that I will probably never fix, but they somehow seem like a faux substitute for the foods I wish I was eating. Whatever mental trick works, use it! Good luck to you.
    1526 days ago
    Good for you for finding ways to distract you from thoughts that are not what you want! Had to laugh . . . yes that combination on Iron Chef is easy to take! LOL
    Sounds like you have a good plan and wishing you a good week.

    1526 days ago
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