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Real Moment: My Husband Said "Go ahead & DIE ON ME EARLY"....

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Keeping the Shadow, the Shame of My Weight has overpowered me...The shadow of my SHAME has been behind me instead of in front of me. I have hidden from the fact that 240 pounds has TAKEN OVER MY LIFE, Taken over my Health, has caused me Shame...

I have made excuses.. I made excuses that you know if I ask spark people to really side with me on not paying for a personal trainer for a year that I can beat this but the truth is I really need the accountability.. Yes, I hate being "locked" into a 1 year contract but every month my progress will be tracked, my measurements, my BMI, my body fat, & my food intake every week will be held accountable. So, if I pay $25 a week for just 30 minutes then maybe this will help me SAVE MY LIFE, take back CONTROL of my LIFE, Stop Hiding Behind the SHADOW OF WEIGHT...

My husband is so concerned about my Life & told me that being locked into a year contract that he is happy b/c he believes it will help me stay focused & save MY life. I said "I can do this on my own".. I told him I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to be locked into a 1 year contract, paying $$1,200 dollars a year & we can't afford it..

He told me, from a heart to heart " Cassandra you've tried over & over by yourself, if you could do this on your own you wouldn't be 240 pounds. I am worried about you." Then he hit me to the heart when he said "Well go ahead & DIE ON ME EARLY".... He said that "If $1,200 is going to add 10 more years on your life or allow me to have you for more years on this Earth, then $1,200 for one year is worth 10 or 20 more years having you as my wife. I want to have you here for as long as I can.."

I immediately began to CRY b/c at that moment I realized that he was truly concerned about me, he told he was willing for us to go without cable, to cut his cell service down or whatever we had to do to find the money for me to do Personal Training Sessions. I realized that this $hit WAS REAL!!! My Life is not only about me but about my Husband also.. He saw his grandmother die from Diabetes, having a bag on her to use the restroom & he told me he never wanted to see me like that or not being strong. She died way too soon. I now get it!! I know that I must commit to myself..

"I'm UNCERTAIN When Or How Long It will Take me to LOSE 80 Pounds but I'm CERTAIN I will REACH MY WEIGHT LOSS GOALS!!"

Thanks for reading..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    awesome story and so true!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for sharing.
    1538 days ago
    emoticon A PT completely changed my son when he was 10 yrs old.
    1542 days ago
  • GR8TAWK-N-2-U
    emoticon need any help, just hollaaaa
    1548 days ago
    That sounds utterly romantic and sincere. It took me a long time but I lost weight and your husband is right, it did add years to my life and more joy with it. My husband also helps me stay healthy too. Have you tried the Spark boot camp challenge? Let me know if you do and we can give daily tabs to each other.
    1549 days ago
    That is beautiful that he loves and cares for you so much to be so real with you. Praying that you will be committed and focused on your good health and that you will find the perfect trainer to push you where you need to go. emoticon
    1552 days ago
    Your guy opening up like that is so awesome, but even more so is you hearing the truth and concern and acting on it. Yeah a trainer is pricey, but if you break it down it's only 3$ . And 30min a week doesn't seem like a lot, but what you do and learn during that time will continue through the week allowing and helping you to improve.
    1552 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/16/2013 11:31:12 AM
    There is no shame in needing other people to help you. For some reason, we think we are somehow better if we can do it on our own. It's not true. Asking for help is hard, but it gives someone else an opportunity to do for you that which you would do for them in a heartbeat. I don't care what Simon and Garfunkle think. I am NOT a rock nor am I an island. I am one of many, and I love it now.
    1552 days ago
    The most deeply loving thing we can do for those we love is take care of ourselves so that we will be there for them.
    1552 days ago
    YES! He is RIGHT! Go for it! Spend the money on yourself to get healthy! Hurray for you and hurray for him!!!
    1552 days ago
    Awesome husband you have, he is a keeper for sure
    and you better listen to him too. emoticon
    1552 days ago
    That husband of yours is a KEEPER!!!! I say go for it, but I also say make sure you are ready for a lifestyle change. Having a trainer is great, but we both know we are the ones that have to put out the work and the effort. Keep us posted, and make sure you do before, during and after pictures. When you get to your goal you will be so glad you have these pictures to look back on.
    Big emoticon
    1552 days ago
    Looking forward to seeing your progress and that husband of yours is definitely a keeper. Good luck on your journey.
    1552 days ago
    The power is IN You to make your goals happen. Take the steps you need to! emoticon
    1552 days ago
    A husband like that is hard to come by! Sign up for the trainer and be as healthy as you can be!

    1552 days ago
    Wow. Powerful words. He's absolutely right. If $100. a month gets you into the gym and into a routine then it's money well spent.
    1552 days ago
    You are a lucky woman to have a husband like this! God bless you and him. BE HEALTHY. DO what it takes.
    1553 days ago
    It sounds like that in your case the money is worth it.
    1553 days ago
    You are so blessed to have a hubby like that. Sorry, but now you have no excuse. Ha, ha. It will feel wonderful to have a personal trainer. He (or she) will focus on your needs and keep you focused. You will thoroughly enjoy that. I notice people in the gym who do that.
    Be proud and know you are doing it for yourself. You love yourself and respect yourself. Yes, you are doing it for your family too, of course. Enjoy! And it is not even Christmas yet! chris
    1553 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1553 days ago
    What a wonderful and loving husband who expressed himself so clearly to you. You can do this.
    1553 days ago
    You are so lucky to have a hubby who loves you and wants you with him for as long as he can. With that kind of support I know you will make it! emoticon
    1553 days ago
  • KAT321123
    You're definitely worth the financial investment and you SO can do this.

    One thing in your entry that got me thinking was how ashamed you are. Shame does not make us happy or healthy and can be terribly damaging. You are who you are and as long as you're taking steps to be the best you that you can be, you're amazing and should not be ashamed. Feeling badly about yourself is one of the most detrimental things to weight loss.

    If you have time, check out the TED Talks by Brene Brown on shame. She's an amazing speaker.
    1553 days ago
    Now that right there is love!!

    God bless & give your man a big sloppy kiss!

    1553 days ago
    Aw, sweetie...I can completely relate to your husband. My husband smokes and even though he has dramatically reduced his use, he has been smoking for TWENTY years. I tell him over and over that I can't sit around waiting for him to die and leave me alone. It is a frightening feeling. Your husband can't imagine being on this earth without you by his side and he is afraid. I say go for it. Do the personal training. You have a community of people here to help support you along the way, but sometimes you need someone physically next to you, pushing you. SP will be here along the way and to help you maintain when you lose the weight. You can do this!
    1553 days ago

    and we are here to support you, advise you and cheer you on!!

    emoticon and emoticon to your lovely husband too!!
    1553 days ago

    You have an amazing husband.
    1553 days ago
    emoticon emoticon

    It's hard when our significant others take an chance and tell things that hurt but are truthful. I'm glad he had the courage to say what he felt and proud of you to be humbe and listen.

    I've paid $30-35 per session (usually once a week) so $25 a session per week is a good price. If it helps motivate you and provides the support you need to get the goal you want for you and your husband, then that's even more reason to do it.

    It's wonderful that your husband is willing to support you since support needs to start from home.

    I look forward to seeing your journey! emoticon
    1553 days ago
    Wonderful! What a supportive husband you have. It's obvious how much he loves you. Do this for him, but also for you and all you'll gain from being healthier.
    1553 days ago
  • FROSTY99
    You have the support now all that is needed is for you to commit to this-without that no matter what you spend, it will not work. I am happy to hear your DH is so willing to invest in your health. No amount of money can buy that from our loved ones. It proves how much he wants to see you healthy.
    1553 days ago
    It doesn't matter how long it will take to lose 80 pounds. You just have to keep trying and never give up. Focus on your health rather than the # on the scale and you will always see results! You can do it.
    1553 days ago
    1553 days ago
    Ah, but he didn't really say go ahead and die on me, he actually said please do whatever is necessary so that you DON'T die early. He knows what is truly important: good guy. Do it for all of you.
    1553 days ago
    Wow! What a heart to heart moment that gets to the heart. It is sweet of him to want long life for you and be willing to give up whatever he needs to so the two of you can have a longer life together. I hope the personal trainer involved works for you. emoticon emoticon

    Thank you for sharing your personal moment. It hit home for me - makes me think about my failed attempts and shame of the weight too. Also how my husband must feel seeing me struggle repeatedly and not as strong because of my weight and health issues. I don't want to die early either. emoticon emoticon
    1553 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/15/2013 3:59:02 PM

    Lately I have been thinking on my own journey. I have been stuck and I gained weight after getting sick. This week I changed my thinking to eat to live. Because if the food is not supplying me with nutrient rich foods that will extend my life why bother eating it. It's totally worthless to me. If I don't change my habits, I don't think I will live much longer. My eating style is pretty clean, but there are a few things I can eliminate and do. Your husband is really showing how much he loves you with his words. It's hard to recognize it is OK to be hungry a bit. Recognize it and be empowered by it. Realize it is burning of fat. Recognizing that if I didn't change my habits was life-changing to me. We all have to have that hit-bottom moment were the light turns on and we are motivated to change.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1553 days ago
  • ANNMACP0212
    Sometimes it's easy to forget about that when we're so focused on getting thin. The fact that we are doing our bodies good by working out and eating healthy is easy for me to forget as I complain that my pants don't fit. Thanks for the "brick upside the head" moment. And God bless you and your husband!
    1553 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    Now you know the answer to the question in your previous blog! Your husband is a gem!
    1553 days ago
    Good for you, your husband really loves you, you should cherish that he is a very special man. Good luck on your journey and know I am behind you 100%
    1553 days ago
    God Bless your precious husband. emoticon
    1553 days ago
  • GINA180847
    I guess those are the cold hard facts and needed to be faced. Ouch! You have two gorgeous boys there and you are a lovely woman. Keep us posted. That personal trainer had better be good!
    1553 days ago
    Your blog has made me cry. Yes. He is right. You are worth a lot more than a $25 a week investment, and everyone who loves you will agree with that - including me!! I pray that this will help you to get this weight OFF!!! XOXO emoticon
    1553 days ago
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