Sunday, September 15, 2013
Keeping the Shadow, the Shame of My Weight has overpowered me...The shadow of my SHAME has been behind me instead of in front of me. I have hidden from the fact that 240 pounds has TAKEN OVER MY LIFE, Taken over my Health, has caused me Shame...
I have made excuses.. I made excuses that you know if I ask spark people to really side with me on not paying for a personal trainer for a year that I can beat this but the truth is I really need the accountability.. Yes, I hate being "locked" into a 1 year contract but every month my progress will be tracked, my measurements, my BMI, my body fat, & my food intake every week will be held accountable. So, if I pay $25 a week for just 30 minutes then maybe this will help me SAVE MY LIFE, take back CONTROL of my LIFE, Stop Hiding Behind the SHADOW OF WEIGHT...
My husband is so concerned about my Life & told me that being locked into a year contract that he is happy b/c he believes it will help me stay focused & save MY life. I said "I can do this on my own".. I told him I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to be locked into a 1 year contract, paying $$1,200 dollars a year & we can't afford it..
He told me, from a heart to heart " Cassandra you've tried over & over by yourself, if you could do this on your own you wouldn't be 240 pounds. I am worried about you." Then he hit me to the heart when he said "Well go ahead & DIE ON ME EARLY".... He said that "If $1,200 is going to add 10 more years on your life or allow me to have you for more years on this Earth, then $1,200 for one year is worth 10 or 20 more years having you as my wife. I want to have you here for as long as I can.."
I immediately began to CRY b/c at that moment I realized that he was truly concerned about me, he told he was willing for us to go without cable, to cut his cell service down or whatever we had to do to find the money for me to do Personal Training Sessions. I realized that this $hit WAS REAL!!! My Life is not only about me but about my Husband also.. He saw his grandmother die from Diabetes, having a bag on her to use the restroom & he told me he never wanted to see me like that or not being strong. She died way too soon. I now get it!! I know that I must commit to myself..
"I'm UNCERTAIN When Or How Long It will Take me to LOSE 80 Pounds but I'm CERTAIN I will REACH MY WEIGHT LOSS GOALS!!"
Thanks for reading..