I can't believe Tommy has been gone almost two months. In one way it seems like just yesterday, yet in another it feels like it's been forever since I last saw him. There have been some very tough times, especially his birthday on August 17th and September 10th which was four years from the date of his diagnosis. We were looking forward to visiting his surgeon on his five year anniversary, but that was not to be.
I have mostly let myself go the last two months by eating whatever I wanted with minimal exercise. Actually, my main form of exercise has been yard work, something Tommy had taken care of right up until the end. I've found myself watching more TV than I used to and not spending as much time with my friends as I should. I've been putting on a good face for family and friends and so they think I'm amazingly strong; nothing could be further from the truth. When I'm alone I often find myself roaming about my house, but not really knowing why. I haven't been out on a real hike and I haven't been kayaking (although Cliff has certainly tried to get me out). I haven't been sleeping well at night and so I'm often very tired during the day. In other words, I've been doing nothing healthy.
I did take one trip to the mountains a couple of weeks ago. I think I was just so mentally exhausted that I wanted to get away alone, so I headed to my uncle's vacation house in West Jefferson. Tommy and I used to go up there often so it felt very strange driving up by myself. It was a good weekend with a lot of time to revisit some of our favorite spots and even more time to think. It's the best rest I've had in weeks and I came home feeling a bit better. Following are some pictures I took that weekend.
Inside historic St. Mary's Episcopal Church in West Jefferson, NC.
Blowing Rock, NC
The tiny town of Todd, NC
Of course the bakery had fresh, homemade apple turnovers, and yes, I had one. It was wonderful!
Morning mist from the deck of my uncle's house. It was the perfect place for morning coffee.
Sunset on the North Fork New River
A stop along the Blue Ridge Parkway
Yesterday morning I opened the back door to let Thor out and the cool morning air came rushing in around me. I have always loved fall and the crisp air seemed to breathe new life into me. The truth is that I've been avoiding living since Tommy's passing, maybe feeling a little guilty about going on without him. Tommy was a fighter and enjoyed every minute he had, even while battling cancer, so who am I to simply sit down and let life pass me by? He worried about how his passing would effect everyone, so I cannot let his fears become a reality. He would be so disappointed. It is time for me to rejoin life while keeping Tommy close in my heart.
So today I will drag myself off of my couch and Thor and I will head to Pilot Mountain or Hanging Rock to enjoy this beautiful weather today. I will get back to logging my food and exercise and I plan to spend more time with my friends. I'm also going to Florida in early December to visit family, something I am really looking forward to. In the meantime, my youngest son is getting married in three weeks and I feel honored that they have asked me to perform the ceremony.
By the way, I'm becoming a real handyman around the house. It seems that everything began breaking down in the last two months. My sons and I have tackled the jobs and, with the exception of mounting a new mower tire on the rim (had to take it to Firestone), we have accomplished all of our own repairs.
I appreciate all of the nice comments, private messages and goodies from you all. Again, I haven't been as active here as I should have, but that is now going to change as I work to get back to being a part of life instead of being a spectator.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!