is this the time to accept what i NOt wAnt?
Sunday, September 15, 2013
we have watched me thru many challenges,,,, and thru them,, we ve seen me go to unteenth surgeries ,,,so I could walk again. the last one being Aug 6th.
well I am highly disappointed on how much PAIN I am still in. yesterday I simply swept my floors,,,, took just undah 7 mins. I've been in tremendous pain ever since with feet. Both feet. I've been icing them like crazy and it's not really helping. shoot,,, I am a high amount of morphine,,,,and STILL feeling this?/? that's simply nuts !!! of course I let very few that I am this med,,,, but, since hardly anyone here knows where I live,,,,, it's OK. I never eVer let those where I live know this,,,,so many addicts,, i'd easily be broken into. I hide it of course,,,,and when those in this high rise,,, see me,,,for it's oblvious I am in pain,,, so they do ask 'oh ur in such pain, what do the dr's give yu'/ I just say "oh don't you know,,,any patient of dr ____,,and ALL the dr's at m____s no longer do any pain meds. if ur interested, ill show you how to control pain by deep breathing." ,,, LOlo they leave me at that !!! and I am not lying,,,,, for I wAs a patient of his,,,and I did learn, but than HE decided my pain was to gr8 to watch,,,so he put me on this,, whereas as said,,,, it's very rare. thANks doc !
This sums up how bad the pain really is.
I do Not give up cos of pain normally. But, by trying, I am only hurting myself ,,, my goal has been to learn to walk again. That's why I just went thru this horrific surg I did. but, now,,,, with the pain,,, I am lying here, asking :is it time to throw in the towel and accept the power chair for life"? My old dr had told me too. those words are echoing in my head,,,,,,
Normally I am such a fighter,,, what else could I fight for and use my energy towards dioing? I am not sure. is this the time?
I am seriously considering it.