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My Wake Up Call ~ RE: Alcohol Misuse

Saturday, September 14, 2013

A couple of weeks back I needed to go into town to draw some money out from the bank to do my weeks grocery shopping... I have anxiety attacks and agoraphobia but have been challenging myself to go to the actual store rather than shop online... I also use alcohol to enable me to complete tasks that involve leaving my home and on this day my plan was to draw my money out go to the pub opposite my bank (my local bar where I feel safe and secure) have a couple of drinks then go to the supermarket that is close by and return to the bar for a couple more drinks before going home... Under usual circumstances I would never go to the supermarket during the busy hours of the daytime 6am opening or 10/11 pm closing are my preferred shopping hours!...

However, on this occasion due to financial worries I had been awake all night checking my bank online to see if my allowance had been paid in... It was not until about 9am that it showed on my account ... I rushed to put my make up on... upset and tearful I had to cleanse and reapply it three times... I managed to leave the flat but it was nearing midday... my best friend gave me reassurance on my mobile whilst I walked into town via the quiet back streets... I told him of my plan to get the buy 2 glasses get the rest of the bottle free deal that the Pub does and that after two glasses I would be confident to face the supermarket and return to the safety of the friendly bar staff and regulars...

All of this would have been okay...

However, being so very pleased with myself that I had done my shop and showing a friend in the pub the lovely food I had purchased one thing led to another, I sent texts to see if anyone else was coming out to the pub that afternoon... ordered another bottle of wine...

Maybe it was an alcohol blackout but I found myself in the back of an ambulance with a broken nose, busted lip & front tooth...

I've not been out drinking since and have made the decision to not use alcohol in this way ever again even if it does mean that I will rarely leave home... I have plenty I can do from home and intend to have friends visit me here to avoid total isolation...

It was also my birthday last week... the best present is the one I gave to myself... to be healthy and use yoga, aromatherapy and the Linden Method for my anxiety... NOT ALCOHOL!


Bella xxx
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