20,000-24,999 SparkPoints 24,703

Well... glad I got that out of my system...

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Forgive me SparkPeople, for I have... eaten 2200 calories worth of food in one meal. I was obsessing over having fries or pizza. I couldn't even decide which one. All I knew is that when I thought about getting an apple, I had visions of grease dancing in my head instead. I found myself shoving things in my mouth that I didn't even want because I wasn't letting myself have pizza. It's like I thought... as long as I don't have pizza, all these other calories I'm consuming won't count.

Clearly, that was some flawed logic. So I gave in and got pizza... and fries. Yes, pizza and fries. How do I weigh 270 lbs? I think the better question is why don't I weigh 570 lbs? But anyway... I ate it, and it was good, and now I'm done with it. I'm ready to put the majority of this last week behind me and move on.

Two things went wrong for me this week. 1) I let myself feel too defeated by the scale and 2) Because I felt defeated, I sat around thinking about junk food instead of thinking about getting healthy. So, now that I can look back and see where things started going bad, I can learn from it and not make the same mistakes again.

The BIG BIG BIG mistake I need to stop making is caring so much about the scale. I know I shouldn't. All you wonderful Sparkers remind me that I shouldn't. In the logic part of my brain, I have a firm grasp on that knowledge. In the emotion part of my brain, I want to have a meltdown to rival a 3 year old. To this end, I am going to weigh myself Monday morning for my weekly weigh in... then I'm having Jeff hide the scale until Thursday morning. I want to weigh myself on Thursday morning just before my dr appt to see the difference in my scale and theirs. Then after that, hidden again until next Monday. If losing weight is going to be difficult, then focusing on it and getting so upset when it doesn't happen is counter-productive at best, and self defeating at worst. I just have to make myself understand... if I am eating less, and moving more... I am getting healthier. And that's the important part. I don't want to be 270 lbs, but I do want to live the longest life I can live, and that makes my health a lot more important than the number on the scale.

My goals for the week are simple:
1. Stay in my calorie range every day.
2. Eat more produce and less empty carbs.
3. Try eating more vegetarian meals.
4. Move more.

It sounds like excuse making, so let me clearly say... there is no excuse that justifies what I have done to my body these last couple days with all the food I have eaten. But if there is a silver lining, it is that it renews my motivation to get back on track. I see how much better I feel when I'm taking care of myself and eating well. I feel pretty crappy at the moment. I'm trying to find the bright side to all this.

And on to other events... we have a little guest in the bedroom. She's small, furry, and very sweet...

Dh walked over to the store next to us last night to get something, and when he came out, she walked out of the bushes by the store and walked up to him. He bent down to pet her, and felt her ribs. So he came home, woke me up, and told me I had to help him rescue a stray kitty. So off we went at 1:30 in the morning to catch a kitty. And we did. She was TERRIFIED when we were bringing her home. I felt horrible. But once we got in with her, we got her a can of food and some dry food and some water and let her out and she ate a big dinner, drank some water, and then walked back and forth between dh and I to get scratches on her head.

Can I say... I am in love with that cat.

Alas, we can't keep her, as much as I want to. We're not allowed to have anymore animals in the apartment. So I have done everything I can to try to find a good home for her. I have posted on FB, texted every person I know... so far, nothing. We're keeping her until Monday afternoon to see if someone will adopt her. If not, we will have to take her to the shelter. She is already litter trained, and very friendly, so she was obviously someone's cat at one point. She wasn't doing a very good job of fending for herself out there. So as much as it will break my heart to take her to a shelter... it's better than leaving her out there to starve to death. Or freeze to death when the weather turns soon. But I haven't given up hope that someone will want her. She's such a sweet girl, she would make a great pet.

Oh, and, I fell outside. Landed on my knee. Needless to say, that felt great. 270 lbs on one knee is not good. But I definitely didn't fall as hard as I could have, so I won't complain too much. My knee is just sore and scraped up. Nothing to be concerned about, though, other than wincing when my yoga pants rub up against it.

And that's pretty much all that has gone on around here today. I've spent most of the day worrying about the kitty, and in the bedroom playing with the kitty. But it's almost bedtime, and I'm ready to tackle tomorrow. Early morning walk with The Buddy, HERE I COME! Rawr!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend so far!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Keep moving forward friend! I was a big binge eater. I still fall off the wagon every once in a while but somethings that have helped me are to:

    1) Think about how that food will affect my body, Is it good fuel?
    2) Remember I don't have to eat it all. There will be more days to eat this food in moderation. Its not the last supper.
    3) Think about how I would feel after I ate. I'm diabetic to so I have to think about how that food gets processed, will it slow me down and make me sleepy? Will it make me sick? Will it ruin my day?

    Bottom line is to see if that reward of tempting food is worth the risk. I also practice out of sight out of mind. I love pizza but if It's right in front of me I'll eat it all. I know me. I know this. So I'll put it in another room or give the rest away. I try to unload on my inlaws alot. (MWAHAHAHA)

    You can do it! I know you Can! believe in you! emoticon
    1467 days ago
    Everybody has their own path to healthy eating.

    It's funny -- I envy you your 270 pounds...I'm 42 away from being that "light." Which is about six months journey to reach where you are now starting. We can do this!
    1467 days ago
  • _VALEO_
    Good luck with your goals! And congrats on your motivation to stay on track this week thanks to your plan!

    The adorable kitty has better chances to survive outside and to find a new home that would feed and adopt her as you did... "shelters" are just horrible places, they euthanize around 70% of the cats you bring. She will be killed because she is too young, doesn't have any tag and they won't have the money to neuter her--that's the sad reality. :(
    Just put her back in the street where you found her! Hopefully someone will be able to keep her and won't bring her to this slaughterhouse!
    1467 days ago
  • HOLLYM48
    You can do it Cat!
    Good luck with finding a home for that little kitty!
    1467 days ago
    Kitty is adorable. She looks like my two. I have such a soft spot for cute kitties!

    you have some really good, attainable goals. I know you can make those happen.

    I agree that it is hard to not obsess over the scale. I am so guilty of that. I weigh in every day - sometimes twice a day. Again, I think you have a good plan in place to overcome that.

    We all have *those* kind of days. I am happy to read that you are moving on from it.

    Keep up the awesome work!
    1467 days ago
    I can totally sympathize with wanting the junk food and having a hard time resisting it. I'm struggling there too. You'll get there, as will I. We just need to keep pushing toward our goals. Good luck to you! emoticon
    1467 days ago
    Adorable cat, shame you can't keep her :(

    hiding the scale is a good plan - I actually don't have one at all, that is what keeps me sane :) I weigh in at the gym and at that, not too often. Going to see if I can go a whole month this time!

    Logging those calories...that's what I need to stick to. We all have our challenges...glad to hear you enjoyed the food, if you're going to do it you may as well! As my friend Lamoura says, now you've confused your body and it's ready to really burn the calories - get out there and work out tomorrow!
    1468 days ago
  • JO88BAKO
    I like your blog a lot. What a cute little kitty!! I'm a cat lover even tho I don't have one of my own now. We love our neighbors cat. Your goals are really good. Glad you didn't hurt your knee bad.Enjoy your walk in the morning. You can do this!! Hugs
    1468 days ago
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