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    SUEPERWOMAN   14,086
10,000-14,999 SparkPoints
the story of me

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Once upon a time there was a teenager. Her Dad loved her so much, and so did her mom. Her Dad often said that she was the Pretty One, and her sister was the Smart One. One day, as the Pretty One went through puberty, her Dad said she'd better go easy on what she was eating, that she was getting fat. In the days to follow, her Dad policed her food.

This teenager didn't truly understand why she became a binge eater that day. She knew that she was so angry at her Dad and that there was NO WAY she was going to give him what he wanted. Every day she after school she would go to the corner store across the street and buy a bunch of candy. When her Dad went to sleep at 10 pm, she would eat them.
They tasted sweet, and vengeful, and the teenager was so pleased that she was not going to let her father tell her what she should eat, and how much! It was a glorious plan. Delectable. She also did other things on my journey for power, and to be loved.

The teenager grew older. Right out of high school she married a nice guy. She promised him that she would lose weight, even when she weighed 136 pounds. The teenager became a woman. The husband kept reminding her of her promise, to lose weight, as she gained ten, twenty, thirty more. The teenager inside of that woman did what she knew best. She continued to rebel against these men, who said they loved her, yet had such conditional love. Oh, and she told her sob story to everyone who would listen to her, both in real life and on the internet, and they cemented the vision that these men were horrible, shallow people, and how dare they!

That teenager turned 51. Her Dad is dead and can't comment about her weight anymore. Even her husband has shut up about it. Yet the woman still has those urges to rebel with food. The woman is still mad. The woman is still spiteful. She read 43,000 self help books, and all they did was make her feel that she was to blame.

One day, that middle aged woman (yes, I'm an optimist) with a "mean" Dad and a SUPER mean husband, made a big realization. She realized that she was only spiting herself with her food, since she had to walk around in her body 24 hours a day and seven days per week. That moment did two things. It broke her heart, and it brought a surge of resolve up.

She did some pivotal things. She took the online course Shrink Yourself, and that was very helpful. It showed her that she had so many excuses and pointed so many fingers!

Then she read a book called Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen and realized that she was NOT her cravings, and she could control them if she was willing to allow the binge thoughts to circle around her, not indulge them but also not ignore them or try to push them away. It is working.

She finally gets why she was bingeing. She just wants to be loved, ALL of her. Every ounce of her. Even her fat tummy, she wants that to be loved, too. She doesn't want to vilify the men in her life anymore. It doesn't help. Her bingeing doesn't give her power, it actually takes her power away, and she never knew that before.

My eating will never be perfect, and that is okay. So much of my journey is unwritten, but I am the author! YOU are the author of YOUR own wonderful life! Don't let anyone pull that pen away from you, my dear friends. I have spent most of my life rebelling against a ghost writer. No more.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANDREAG89 9/19/2013 11:14AM

    You rock.

Checking out the site and the book right now with the links you provided.

Thank you.

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ROSEWCI 9/16/2013 2:18PM

    Wow, such insight! You're on your way, girl! Believe that you can overcome any obstacle that comes your way! You are strong!

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BRADMILL2922 9/16/2013 5:25AM

    What a powerful story and a great blog! You are amazing and strong! So happy for you that you were able to make those realizations!

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LILYPAD12311 9/16/2013 12:55AM

    holy cow,, batgirl!!! THAT was amazing!!!

POW! You got right to the point,,,,,,,,,, I totally can relate to that,,,,,, but for me ,,, I was lucky enough to be the "smart one" .... so I did not care about being the "pretty one",,,, then one day,,,, my little girl told me that she thought I was the pretty one,,, and that changed my perspective on my life,,,, this is for my little girl,,,, who is a teenager and a person who sees the beauty in me,,, when no one else did! I want to be around for this little spit fire,,, so I need to get this fat off my body and see a new me! emoticon

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KARENKANDO 9/15/2013 8:45PM

    Holy crack-a-molie! We are twins! Swear!!! My dad did something very, very similar to me. He was my dad. I believed everything he said. Everything! He used to monitor my food like the food cops and make me feel so very guilty over every little morsel. I used to sneak and hide food too - alot! Then one day, he said to me. . . "No man will ever love you if you are fat." I was all of 12 or 13. Guess what the rebel in me did? It said, "screw men! I don't need no man in my life, I can take care of myself!" Because of that? I missed out on so very much. Dating, puppy love, learning how men and women are different, etc. Heck, I didn't even know men had the ability to feel until I was 50 years old. Can you even imagine? I really thought men didn't have feelings! Because of that one small thing my dad said, I robbed myself of love til I was 50 years old. I'm happily married now - but it took 50 years to get there. You are right. . . we can't let nobody have our power - ever - for any reason! Stay strong my friend! Oh. . . and I love you back!!! Spark on my friend, spark on!!! emoticon

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SHELLS514 9/15/2013 8:07PM

    Wow, I found this to be very powerful. I can really relate. I too am learning to overcome obstacles from my past going back to my teenage years...The road is long, the road is hard but we can do this and do it for ourselves first and foremost. emoticon Thanks for the friend add, I've added you back. emoticon I wish you the very best on this journey! emoticon

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JULIEXOXO 9/15/2013 11:14AM

    great blog ginger..........thanks for sharing

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WEEPINGANGEL74 9/15/2013 1:30AM

    Ginger!! I am glad you have found the source of your binging but I hate that you had to go through such trials throughout your life. You are very much loved dear lady! You are gorgeous, kind, amazing, inspiring, and so much more!! I couldn't imagine this place known as SparkVille without your wonderful presence. Thank you for sharing YOU with all of us!!


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TURTLELADY56 9/14/2013 7:43PM

  i so admire ppl who can write their story.....ty for sharing

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FELINEBETTER 9/14/2013 7:11PM

    Wow, Ginger! Quite the story and the blog! First of all, you are a talented writer! You pull the reader right in with your words. I am just so happy for you that you have really seen the light. While I don't know what your beliefs are, I believe your Dad is smiling down on you today. Thank you for putting yourself out here -- as you are so inspiring to others in so many ways!

You Go Girl!!!! emoticon

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STRONGDJ 9/14/2013 6:20PM

Another wonderful blog! I relate so much to these words. Odd how we act out against ourselves in response to someone's opinion. I think this SP journey, our super hero identities, our honest blogs are part of writing a better story for ourselves. Finally, we are discovering the power within us.

So glad to be doing this with you!

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DISCOVERLLH 9/14/2013 6:11PM

    This is so heartfelt, so relatable, so genuine, so INSPIRING! Thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself with us. emoticon

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KIM22211 9/14/2013 5:17PM

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth the wait! I love it! This is just awesome! love love love love love!!!
I do hope you realize your dad really loved you unconditionally!!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!

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BEEAUTIFULDAY 9/14/2013 4:49PM

    So good that you've grabbed that pen for yourself Ginger, -- YOU are an amazing woman, and I might say awesome writer. Thanks for being here, supporting us sparkers, and opening your heart to us so eloquently.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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