Saturday, September 14, 2013
I began my quest to figure out what could be the root cause of my husband's and my relationship problems/failures, and came to the conclusion that everything was based on communication failure. After gleaning a few insights after some serious soul-searching and journalling I decided it was time to start reading to learn more. But I'm not an avid reader, and don't hang out with readers. I only ever read for information if I have to -- never for pleasure or even self growth. So I didn't know where to start.
I had heard only of one book title often enough to stick in my head, and figured that might be as good a place to start as any: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
I am now halfway through the book. And it is a 100% true mirror reflection of what our marriage was like. Each and every paragraph, so far -- except maybe one -- shines light on the issues that have plagued us. Each one. It's like the book was written about us. All the interpretations of things that get said -- everything fits into place perfectly.
My husband is adament that he does not wish to seek counselling to try to save our marriage. He doesn't want it anymore. I so long for him to put in one last effort. Just if he would read this book, maybe he'd understand enough of how we went wrong to either want to give it one last chance, or, if for no other reason than to help him have a healthier relationship with the next woman.
Of course, there is a facet to this problem that this book and counselling couldn't solve, even if he were to accept it: He wants a woman of Indian descent now. Someone who speaks the language of the country he was born in and lived in until he was 7. He wants someone to understand the culture completely and that can laugh at all the jokes. I cannot compete with that. I am caucasian. I have taken 5 courses attempting to learn Punjabi and Hindi. I understand about 30% of what is being said, and I cannot speak the language.
Mid life crisis. There's no other way to put this.
19 years of marriage plus 7 of dating = 26 years down the tubes.
He really is from Mars. I must be from Venus.