Saturday, September 14, 2013
So last night we got a call from dad saying that his brother (the one with the cancer) was hospitalized and put into the ICU.
So my brothers wife convinced me and my brother that we should be the bigger people and go be there for our dad because his brother is dying....
So we show up and they are releasing my uncle because his cancer has spread and he is refusing treatment and instead of staying with his brother and us after we drove half an hour to be there to support him....My dad cursed my brother and I out and left to go pick his girlfriend up out of her drug rehab place. guess they released her for the night to be there for my dad. she is not even his family.
He has only known this girl 6 months.
He left his brothers death bed and cursed his kids yet again to go pick up her.
Why do I keep wanting to believe he will change. I feel so stupid and angry and most of all
im so stressed out plus the hospital room that my uncle was in was the same one my mom was in. so all those memories came flooded back and it hurts so much that she is gone :(
I don't understand why my brothers and I got such a horrible dad
I hear preachers saying all the time Parents are sent by God to be a vessel of his love
but when you have a parent who molests you, beats you, and tears you with words you cant really think that is Gods doing,
I just wanna know what my brothers and I did so horribly wrong to deserve a parent like him
I'll keep on praying for him because no matters how much he hurts me and my brothers,
least we have each other and we know we are better than my Dad.
Because we are kind and loving. Something he has never been to us.
Ya know its sad when he give me my moms ring for my birthday I actually had a glimmer of hope he was changing.
I'm so stupid I take a sliver of a broken mirror and I say oh its so pretty instead of looking at the ground and seeing how many hundreds of pieces it has been shattered into and having the sense to realize it will never be fixed...
Whatever. Oh well. I'm tired. And I have so much stress I got to deal with right now and this crap doesn't help.
I just wanna give up.