Friday, September 13, 2013
I'm struggling with emotions this week. I let my emotions get in the way of working out and eating well.
Right this moment I'm on track mentally. Can't say if that'll be the case by the end of this blog post.
My experience is that I get down during winter. I already battle depression. I'm more compelled to hide out in my warm bed when it's not bedtime in the winter. (Emotions: fear. Thoughts: Expectation of defeat, which is foretelling the future, which is "magical thinking.")
Also, I'm going through a process of pulling away from my nuclear family since there are a lot of dynamics there that are hindering my growth in a huge way. My pulling away has left me feeling isolated and scared. I do attend support groups where there are helpful, kind people. (Emotions: fear, loneliness, anger)
Next, I need a new job. We'll be getting a new top boss in the spring of 2015, and neither of the candidates is going to be good for me. In fact, both will contribute to a negative working atmosphere. (Emotions: fear and excitement and overwhelmedness. Thoughts: Expectation of failure, which is, again, foretelling the future, which is again, "magical thinking.")
What I would love would be for me to exercise and eat healthily just like I brush my teeth and floss every night. I brush and floss regardless of any emotional difficulties I may be facing; this dental hygeine is non-negotiable. I would like to have my eating and exercise self care to be just as divorced from emotion as brushing and flossing are.
I can do this. One choice at a time.