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Name Change

Friday, September 13, 2013

I have been contemplating changing my SP username for a while since the other one didn't "add value" to my journey here. But, being the creatively challenged person that I am, nothing really came to me.

Then I stumbled onto fellow Sparker STEPH-KNEE's page and read her blog post from today. In it, she talked about the negative mental tapes that rear their ugly heads when we are working to improve ourselves -- "What's the point? You're just going to regain it all again, anyway." "You've always been fat. What makes you think that will ever change?" Blah, blah, BLAH!

It's something I have faced in my journey. Some days, I have been able to quiet the voices, and other days, the voices ring so loudly in my ears that they seem to drown everything else out. Being able to manage their effect on me is as much a part of what I am doing to be healthy as logging my food in the nutrition tracker or choosing to exercise.

In thinking about those negative messages, it came to me that to effectively neutralize them, I need to redefine the situation. I need to redefine *me*. Yes, I've always been the fat girl. I don't remember a moment in my life that I wasn't, really. But just because it's always been, does it always need to be? Truthfully, no.

So I was going to change my name to REDEFINING_ME. But it was taken -- dang. Being the nerd I am, I went to to find another way to convey the same message. I saw the word "reinvent." REINVENTING_ME - yes, that works! Except it was taken, too.

Then I spied "recreate." I paused. With how I perceive "redefine" and "reinvent," there seems to be an element of retaining what is at the core. But "recreate?" It felt a little scarier because I see recreating something as totally breaking it down and making it into something new.

"But," a small voice in my head said, "isn't that what you *should* be doing? Making a total break from past perceptions, thoughts, and actions and recreating yourself in a completely new way?"

As scary as that seems, it is what I should be doing. To succeed, I need to embrace something that is totally foreign to how I have been living life up until now. To make the small, incremental changes that will take me further from my current existence to a new way of living.

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