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    TONBEN   2,690
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Accountability


Friday, September 13, 2013

So on September 7th I finally had my 20 pound party, I'd actually only hit 19 from the beginning of June, but technically from when i first started on SP and took my start up photos I'm down 28 pounds. I was excited, I had planned and organized, cleaned the house, decorated, did a little prayer to the sun goddess to bring no rain, and made a lot of healthy food for everyone to have for supper.
The rain held off, 27 of my nearest and dearest came out, and the event was a success! Everyone had a blast, loved the food, and it felt nice, so warm and friendly. But I struggled. I can;t explain it, it made me think of a recent blog by MOVEITMARY in which she talks about how hard it is for people to accept and hear good news, how we always sympathize and seem to battle to outdo the next with bad news, but when its good news no one says a word. Anyway all day everyone was high fiving me, I mean it was my 20 pound weight lose party, it wasn't a secret what the party was for, people were congratulating me, telling me how awesome I was looking, keep up the great work etc.
But you know what words left my mouth, not a thank you, not I feel great (which I am) but oh I have so far to go yet, I am so not there yet, etc. WTF, why can;t I be proud of myself. Why did it bug me so much to celebrate myself?
And since then I have been struggling, I am trying to get back on track, but anytime I don;t have a set appointment to meet a friend at the gym and the alarm goes off, I have curled back in to a ball and slept that extra 45 mins to an hour. I only worked out 3 days this week instead of my usual 5. And this morning I turned off the alarm twice, only getting up a half hour later and managing 32 mins on the treadmill that took everything out of me versus my usual 45-50.
I am trying to think of ways to motivate myself, should i put something motivating above my bed for mornings, to help get my ass up, do I need to find a second work out partner so when the first one can;t make it someone is still waiting on me, should I do a progress photo to see the differences but also recognize how far I still have to go? I don't know all of the above i guess. And oh fighting the cravings, I so need help with that one, 2 chocolate bars while on the road this week! yikes.
And what is terrifying me more than anything is I have almost 3 weeks of vacation coming up, South Carolina for 5 days, where I'll be staying in a home with multiple executive chefs!! then on to a cruise through Italy and Greece. And right now I so need to loose a few more pounds to get in the clothes that are a little too tight, so I am comfortable and not wearing cloths that are to big and will create issues in hot weather. Maybe its this alone that has me self sabotaging?
Anyway that's my vent, i would love any ideas on how you all fight your cravings, stay motivated and keep pushing, cause I need all the help I can get right now!
Below a few photos from the fun filled party, cause it really was great even though I am whining right now! We also celebrated some friends bdays, I did fun little napkins, gave out silly little treat bags, had arm wrestling and a fire etc.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
-AIMIE- 9/16/2013 1:44PM

    You are a great party planner! How fun!!! I wish I had friends that were motivated to do stuff like that. I have been struggling this week too, not sure what the deal is. It's easy once you start making a few bad decisions to let those negative voices and doubts start to creep in again. Just gotta shut em up and get back to doing the right thing for your mind, body and soul.

I have an obsession with cupcakes. Not the greatest addiction to have when making this lifestyle change but it is what it is! You know those signs that say "KEEP CALM AND EAT A CUPCAKE! Well I have one of those in my office and the other day I found the cutest little cupcake notebook. It's cupcake shaped and has blank pages in it. I wrote on it KEEP CALM AND READ A CUPCAKE. I have tons of little quotes and inspirational things in there. Goals, reward schedule, positive mantras... it helps me to take a look at those positive things and remind myself of the wonderful parts of this journey. Reading it and documenting things in it helps to shut up the negative voice.

As far as working out early... I got nothin! LOL I can't get myself to do it either. I usually work out sometime in the evening after dinner because I am SOOOOO not a morning person! Good luck!

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LIZSPRINGSTEEN 9/14/2013 3:53PM

    WAY TO GO! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

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MOVEITMARY 9/13/2013 11:04PM

    I love that you had a party to celebrate your weight loss!

Thanks for mentioning me, I'm happy to hear that my words made a difference. As I mentioned in my blog, negativity is so ingrained in our culture that it takes constant watchfulness to practice positive thinking/speaking. The first step is noticing it, as you did with the compliments. Once you become aware of the negative self-talk, then you can take control and change it.

Waiting for motivation is a myth - we feel most motivated AFTER we do something, not before. Think of it like flossing - you will never "feel like it", so just do it.

You have some good ideas - workoug buddies, before and after pics, etc. As for cravings, after you give in to one, STOP and take a few minutes to really notice how eating that food makes you feel, physically and emotionally. Taking the time to check in and noticing "hey, this doesn't feel so good after all", and then when the next craving comes remembering of how it felt, helps me a lot.

Vacation survival - will you have access to a smartphone? If so you can still track food and exercise and that will help even if it's only sporadic. If not, get a little notebook and write down everything just as if you were tracking it on SP.

When traveling, dont' let one food choice take over the whole day. If you have a huge meal or dessert or snack, well, ok, then back to your healthy choices the rest of the day.

And use those executive chefs' knowledge - ask for healthy options, hopefully they will see it as a challenge!

And finally, even if you totally fall off the wagon for three weeks, IT'S OK TOO. SparkPeople and your spark friends will be here waiting when you get back and ready to support you. Heaven knows, you wouldn't be the first or the last one of us who has done this!!!!!!!!

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KING_SLAYER 9/13/2013 2:33PM

    Part of the reason you responded with "I have so far to go still" stuff is that subconsciously you don't want your friends to think just because you're celebrating that somehow you're done. You were making sure that they knew that you know that you haven't finished yet.

Now you're beating yourself up because you think you aren't letting yourself enjoy your victory. Obviously you did enjoy it, you threw yourself a party!

But you're using hindsight now to second guess how you reacted to peoples' congratulations on your success. You're feeling insecure about how you handled that day and it's interfering with how you handle yourself since then.

Move your alarm clock across the room. Make it so you have to get up and walk to it to turn it off. Once you're up and moving you should find it a bit easier to stay up and get your day started.

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BATCHICK 9/13/2013 12:20PM

    I know how hard it is to celebrate whe you feel like you have so far to go still. I struggle with that as well. I recenlty took about 3 months off of spark people and gained all the weight I lost back and then some. Now I'm struggling with the day to day because I'm still heavier than I was when I started a year ago. But I'm trying to think small. I can control small. I'm rewarding myself for things I was doing automatically a year ago. Because I have to re-train myself. We just have to keep pushing and focusing on what we're trying to achieve.

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MYRMEN 9/13/2013 11:14AM

    emoticon On the weight loss. When I find it hard to get back on track, I take a moment to close my eyes. I make visualization. How I was before, how I am right now and how I want to be. In my journey, visualization is what helps me the most.

I've been in a weight loss program before. The conference lady I had was briefing us on hard it is for women to accept compliments. She gave us the work on accepting compliments, simply.

Ex. I love your dress. And to answer thank you. Simply.

NOT : Oh thank you I bought it on sale at XXX store. Just answering thank you. Nothing else.

It was hard at first, but after practising, I've become good at it and it was easier to accept compliments.

Hope you'll find your inner Spark back. You can do it!

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