Full of Thoughts but Feeling Empty
Friday, September 13, 2013
Since Saturday's blow when my husband told me he wanted to separate, I have been so down.
Today was the first day I was able to eat more than 800 calories or so -- the heartache was so unbearable I couldn't eat. Everything tastes of straw. Of course consequently my energy level is down in the dumps, and I am just numb.
I am trying to process in my head that he's leaving, that he's actively looking for someone new, how and when to tell the kids, wanting to tell my sister-in-law whom I love before my husband tells her and her family but being scared whether that is the right thing to do, trying to wrap my head around splitting our assets while at the same time not wanting to halt the process we've been working on for months now to buy an investment property that would be up for development in 5-10 years which we when it gets sold use the proceeds for kids education, but realizing things could get ugly if we proceed with the purchase and things go south and the as yet unchosen other woman then gets partial rights to as well after some time....hypothetical stuff as yet, but mind-blowing at a time like this to think about. He would live there -- so he would move out when it's purchased, which nothing is as of yet. So we don't know when or where to he is moving......doesn't want to waste money on rent -- that's not our style...so haven't told our kids yet either.
OMG so much to think about.
And I have to take therapy to help build my confidence in myself because it's near 0 right now, and I need to start building a vision, a goal for myself, of what i want to do (for work other than what I'm doing now -- and hopefully build a small business for myself--- the question is only: WHAT.
All of that and trying to come to terms with and start healing my emotions.
Thank goodness for sleeping pills. And thank goodness that I began taking antidepressants 3 days before he told me he wanted to leave.
So, yes, I may be full of thoughts, but actually am quite empty what concerns strength.