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Non-Scale Victory: Completed a 2 Hour Paranoid Workout Despite Cray Cray Peeps

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Yesterday my work cancelled OT. So I left to go to the gym, The same gym I'd been going to for over a year. MY GYM!. And there was 2 girls from my work that just months ago nearly destroyed my career and tried to get me fired. I almost turned around and walked out but I decided to stay. Not only did I stay and complete my work out I managed to log 20,000 steps on my fitbit and worked out for 2 hours! Behold, the motivating power behind betrayal, rage and paranoia. So I'm using my insane workout as my NSV because before I would have just walked away.

Ok, story behind why I was almost fired. In June I'd been battling a skin disease called Hidradenitis suppurativa for over 2 years. It got so bad it became infected and entered my blood stream. I almost died and thus was thrown off my healthy life style kick and wasn't on sparkpeople much. I had surgery to have it removed and it got rid of most of the infection. At this time I was struggling to get to work every day and maintain a life. My cubical sat between Three of the worst people I'd ever met in my life. One girl got mad because I didn't offer her some candy but offered it to someone else. (not intentionally on my part, I was just trying to unloud unwanted candy from my desk) There was another time one of them got mad because I told her "Good Morning" too many times. I later found on instagram a picture that said "Tell me good morning one more time and I'll cut you, some people just don't get it". And more and more and more. I delt with it for over a year but kept quiet at work. Those people also happen to be buddy buddy with higher ups.

One day as I was getting worse and worse my boss set me aside and told me to watch myself because some people were trying to get me fired. She said someone reported to her that I was starting rumors. She also warned me one of them is a friend of mine. She also said I don't have to be friends with everybody. This was a strange concept because I'm usually very friendly and trusting with everyone. And I don't talk bad about people. This person took what I said wrong "I don't know why they haven't gotten promoted because they are friends with lots of supervisors and have lots of pull". I didn't mean it to be a bad thing. Of course I shouldn't have said anything. Its none of my buisness. I was just trying to figure out what else my job is looking for to get promoted if its not just based on recommendation.

After the warning from my boss. I wrote on my face book that I got back stabed. I was pissed. Someone showed that post to my boss and I got an official verbal warning. So I took off everyone I worked with off my facebook save for one. This girl had been a really really good friend for over 2 years! I thought I knew her. She wasn't like one of the "bad ones".

Well I was feeling pretty sick, it was a Sunday and I wrote on my facebook that night "I don't want to go into work tomorrow and see those awful awful people". And I got so sick I couldn't go into work the next day. The day I did return to work my boss took me aside and told me someone showed her my post and she went to HR and my Manager and they decided to write me up for speaking bad about the company. Facebook doesn't list my employer. I found out later that close friend showed my boss my post. That person is blocked now. That person also told that other person what I said about knowing the supervisors and having pull. My boss kinda confirmed it was that person to. Also other people in my department saw her showing my boss her phone, going through my facebook post screen by screen. I felt so betrayed.

My only regret is I should have named names and said something worse. To get written up for saying those "awful people" just wasn't worth it. I'd never been written up in my whole life and to be written up for that was just ridiculous. When my boss wrote me up I acted like a fool, I was feeling really sick and couldn't handle my emotions. They had me on heavy anti-biotics and pain meds for the infection, the pills made me nauseas and emotional. I started crying and couldn't stop. And when I cry It's not pretty. I looked a red mess. My reputation was tarnished. I looked like a crazy person.

For the 2 years I had been at my workplace I'd been trying to become a supervisor or get a promotion. Now I don't see that happen. Although I'm feeling better now and back to myself. My reputation is tarnished. And they've had lots of openings but I can't apply because I'm considered on progressive discipline. I can't apply for any promotion for 6 months!

Since then I finally got the surgery, I'm feeling better. And they moved our department around so I got moved to a much better location rows away from those people. In that time I discovered Dave Matthews Band, became better aware of my situation, relaxed more and see that things are not in my control. I've also been able to work on my marrige and important relationships. . All in all it worked out for the best.

I'm not scared to write this. If I get caught and get written up or fired for this it's worth it. And if I get fired for speaking my feelings then that place doesn't deserve me. I was told when I got written up and started crying by my boss that if I want to work here I better toughen up. I straight out told her I don't want to work in a place that's going to compromise who I am. This is who I am. And I AM TOUGH DAMN IT! (I didn't say that last part though) It was horrible timing. I was down and out and I felt I was just getting kicked all over the place. BTW they didn't get written up for saying if you say good morning one more time, I'll cut you.

My boss and I are on good terms now. I've made new work friends but the trust is broken. No work friends on FB or sparkpeople but I do spread the spark all over work.

There was an opening for a supervisor position and that person that showed my boss my post had the freaking nerve to ask if I was going to apply. Everyone knows how much I wanted to be a supervisor. I can't, because of her!

Anyways, those people were at MY GYM and I didn't leave. I stuck it out and am so glad I did. My Sparkpeople, My church, my gym are my sacred places. I'm not going to let them destroy that. My facebook used to be but not anymore. Once you get written up at work for a facebook post it no longer becomes a happy place. While at the gym I felt self-conscious Because no one knows me there, I can be myself. My work clothes don't match. I wear all these devices and I wear a fanny pack. But all those things push me and serve a purpose. I don't care how I look all that matters are how I feel after my workout. But it did make me paranoid. I have social and generalized anxiety anyways so it was great getting passed that and just stay being me. I love me! Thanks Sparkpeople!

There's a lot more that happened that led up to that event and has happened since but that's the summary of the work drama. Take this as a cautionary tale or motivation. Who knew 10 years ago you could get written up at work by something as trivial as a thing called facebook?

Daily Dave Matthews (I made this one)

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • _VALEO_
    Kudos for staying at the gym despite everything! Attagirl!

    I'm glad that you're doing better and that your infection is over. What a scary disease!

    Re: Facebook and other social media, I am not a member. I have been considering switching my SP's page to private... but I don't talk at all about my work here. Though I certainly would not like my personal life to be scrutinized by people I work with or people I'll work with in the future. FYI, as a project manager when I hire someone, I always look up their tracks on the Internet.
    I can understand how you feel, I have also been stabbed in my back a couple of times by people who wanted to take my place! ;)
    In the great scheme of things, that's irrelevant. You have to ignore that and ignore them; and it actually makes you stronger. And, if you are stronger, they won't be able to repeat their bad deeds, otherwise they would look like the tattletale persons inside the company-- and no manager wants an untrustworthy type of personality in their team. (they are not focused on their work, but on gossips. Stay focused!)

    Vent and rant all you want "off record", but be careful with writing (they stay online [almost for ever]... it is like publishing your thoughts in the newspaper.)
    Workplace can sadly bring out the worst in coworkers whatever the position in the company.
    You have to protect yourself and have a very interesting and balanced life outside your job, as well as good friends to whom you can confine in and who don't know a single person from your work. You can send me Private Messages whenever you feel like it.
    1620 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/15/2013 4:09:02 AM
    Oh I know those kind of coworkers. I was hospitalized in behavioral health when I worked at my last job. I told only my "closest friends". For obvious reasons, I didn't want the entire office to know that. I found out about 6 months later than one of my "closest friends" had told everyone she talked to at work about it. I felt like everyone was looking at me like I might snap any second.

    Anyway... just saying, I know how it feels to get stabbed in the back like that. Work brings out the worst in people. But congratulations on getting that workout done anyway! 2 hrs, woo hoo!

    1622 days ago
    hey those people are so in your rear view mirror. Be positive about your future. If you want to be a supervisor, you focus on that and you go for it. It may not be at the same company it may be somewhere else - look wide
    1622 days ago
    I am VERY impressed you stayed at the gym and got your workout in. Way to be you! They are small and petty and you are improving yourself daily.

    Social websites can bite peopel in the a**. It happens everywhere. All you can do now is keep being yourelf and don't let anyone knock you down. Good things are coming.

    EXCELLENT blog!

    1623 days ago
  • JSAMMONS1981
    1623 days ago
    Congrats for standing your ground. Proud of you.
    1623 days ago
  • MJRVIC2000
    Good workout, but forgive and be at peace with yourself and God! God Bless YOU! Vic.
    1623 days ago
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