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Venting Blog Ė Use Caution Upon Clicking

Thursday, September 12, 2013

As positive as I try to be about my weight loss and eventual weight GAIN, I cannot ignore the fact that 25lbs have found their way back onto my body. I know why, I know EXACTLY why and while others may find that itís an excuse, I cannot. I feel like Iíve failed. Iíve failed myself and that is something that upsets me more than anything. My size L black pants (my favorites that looked GREAT on me) split yesterday. The zipper is shot and when I realized it, I sobbed. This morning, while I looked for something to wear (laundry needs to be done BAD), I looked at my ďtinyĒ sweaters that I rocked this past winter and realized that I probably wonít be able to wear them comfortably this coming winter. This realization SUCKS.

Losing 100lbs (now 75) was one of the hardest things Iíve ever done. I realize that gaining IS a reality, a harsh one. To me, I even look bigger on stage which is crushing to me. This entire week, Iíve sobbed and been depressed about it. I just canít imagine that I worked SO hard for something to have it go away completely. My clothes are beginning to get tight, uncomfortable. All of my pants donít fit (including my jeans). I wear dresses/skirts everyday so that I donít feel so fat. Iíve even contemplated quitting Spark.

I realize itís entirely my fault; I eat too much and I havenít had time for exercise. Healthy food doesnít last very long in my house and half the time, I donít have money to purchase it. I know, I knowÖexcuses, excuses. Despite gaining weight, Iím still going to celebrate my maintaining 75lbs this coming Monday regardless of how badly I feel about myself.
This funk has got to go, I truly hate living in it, but I just cannot help it.

Iíve gone from this:

To This:

To This:

I am SO disappointed.

p.s. Not looking for sympathy, just simply venting.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
MBELL6312 9/16/2013 4:47PM

  Another perspective-you are still down 75 lbs! You gained some of the original back, not not even close to all of it. you can get down to your goal again!

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TINAJANE76 9/16/2013 2:06PM

    I realize that it's been a few days since you wrote this blog and I know that you're celebrating your maintenance anniversary today, so I hope that you'll have the opportunity to put things in perspective. Yes, you may have gained back some of the weight you lost, but you haven't gained back ALL of it. Very few of us have a maintenance where our weight stays exactly the same or even within a few pounds all the time. You know what you did to lose the weight initially and why you've gained a bit. Try to harness the initial enthusiasm you had that helped you get and stay motivated to lose the weight in first place and use that to help you get back down to where you'd like to be again. I often say that the biggest difference between successful maintainers and those who regain what they've lost (and I've been in this category many, many times) is not that successful maintainers never slip up--it's just that they take action before their slips ups become full-on slides. Now's your moment to do that and work towards getting back into those "tiny" sweaters. And whatever you do, don't give up and don't quit SparkPeople. You're worth putting the time and effort into staying healthy and fighting to get back to where you want to be.

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ILOVEMALI 9/13/2013 1:49PM

    Don't forget that you are a successful person. You'll do it. We both will!

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RDEE22 9/12/2013 8:27PM

    You've done it once before, you will do it again. You already know how, it will be a snap!
Sending lots of positive vibes your way. emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 9/12/2013 8:15PM

    Just offering HUGS. I understand.

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SUGAR0814 9/12/2013 7:55PM

    Hang in there! You are a powerful woman! You know what to do to lose weight so get back on track. Don't quit! emoticon

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PICKIE98 9/12/2013 7:44PM

    Okay, tough love: here goes: have your cry, wipe the snot off and know that was some body fluid you just lost there!! Now, set the kitchen timer for ten minutes to blubber and bawl and make your eyes swell, boogers and other body fluids spewing. Timer goes off, you grab those bands ans start snapping them, get on the ball and stretch, DO NOT throw those black pants away!
Believe it or not, Zippers Do come in packages, not just in the garment!! Maybe one of the dressers at the theater would put one in if you do not know how.

Now, how much fun do you have on stage?? Duh@ Get up, grab your hairbrush, remote or whatever, and belt out a few songs while dancing around your place. You do not have to be loud, but show Brit how it is done.
Cardio my dear.. use your career to your body's advantage. Use the muscles needed onstage and move, sweat, stink and shower, guzzle the water, get some protein powder, fuel up, and use a mirror if needed while working out(dancing). Show Brit that she can shave that weigh toff and let somebody else have it. END OF LOVING RANT.

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BABY_GIRL69 9/12/2013 4:48PM

    You can do it!! Fight the good fight!

God bless & be encouraged!


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RUNNER4LYFE 9/12/2013 4:36PM

    LisaG and SMD are right, babe.....its not ALL lost! Just another setback....a huge one in ur mind, rightfully so, but nonetheless, just a setback. Ur an amazing woman and can do ANYTHING u set ur mind to! U have accomplished a huge feat....celebrate and rejoice what u HAVE done!!!

I love u

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SUEPERWOMAN 9/12/2013 3:27PM

I hear you when you say you're disappointed.
The great thing is that you have already lost it successfully before, so you KNOW that you have the tools to do that again !

Love, Ginger

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IMAVISION 9/12/2013 3:07PM

    emoticon toward goal - even with setbacks it is something we can do for ourselves.

God bless!

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LOFLLAMA 9/12/2013 1:43PM

  Oh, Dear Miss B! You are not getting any sympathy from me! You know I only believe in honesty! I NEED to say something here because this sentence stood out:

"I just canít imagine that I worked SO hard for something to have it go away completely."

Stop it! Just stop it! SERIOUSLY! You have NOT had ANYTHING go away completely! You lost your footing! You wear that skirt today, then you take yourself to the grocery store & Buy the best food you can for the amount of money you have, eat it in the correct portions & find 5-10 minutes in your day for YOU to exercise!

You are NOT a 'bad excuse' kind of girl & I know you know how to do this right! Now, pick yourself up, dust yourself off & know that I love you!

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STEVEN_D 9/12/2013 12:59PM

    Umm, give yourself SOME credit, you did lose 100 lbs, afterall. I would be curious to see if you stopped using sparkpeople (or other tracker) during this recent gain. That's happened to me. You have a pretty smile and you haven't lost completely. You still have us, right? and you still have desire and sounds like the motivation.

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RILOLA 9/12/2013 12:47PM

    Hang in there, Miss B! emoticon

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