Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Life has been hard. I know it doesn't compare to the challenges that someone else may be facing, especially on this historic day, but for me, it's been hard. There has been less time to plan ahead for food, more travel for family events, increased pain in my back and more stress at work.
For the past two days I have been binging on applesauce again. What I really want are peanut m&m's but I went for applesauce instead. Now, applesauce is allowed on my diet, but not in the portions that I am eating it. And then the next day I feel bad for a variety of reasons. I feel guilty for giving in to my binges again, I feel bad cuz the applesauce hurts my stomach and I feel ashamed because I'm using food to deal with feeling depressed. Today I finally realized what was bringing on this depression.
I've been working with someone in my job and he is really not a fan of mine. It makes work difficult to enjoy, drains me of my energy and is starting to affect my healthy lifestyle changes. I'd rather go home than to the gym after work. I'd like to just keep eating instead of anything else. It's a terrible way to be living my life, clearly.
I have to really focus on my health at this point. I can't allow stress to de-rail me. I allowed stress from a colleague to hurt me physically and mentally for three years in my last job. No more. I've just been successful at losing the weight I put on my body during those years, and I'm not going back. So what does that mean? I have to stand up for myself at work. Make myself a priority at work and at home. I will use exercise to help me handle my stress, and will work every day to not binge eat like I have been finding myself doing recently and in the past.
Sounds like I have a plan, now I just have to put it into action. Wish me luck!