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    JMAHNKEN   65,392
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Not feeling well today


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I had a bad night/morning woke up around 2 am with really bad pain in my side that then went to my back and front of my injured right side. All the issues that I had with my back and side before were nothing like this. This felt more like a bladder/kidney infection or kidney stones? The pain was a lot worse and lasted a lot longer than anything before. I called the clinic that I go to and spoke to the emergency nurse. But by the time I got a hold of someone there the pain was gone but I still felt out of it from it. So I followed her advice and got myself to the doctors first thing this morning. They agreed it could be something to do with my kidneys, or it could be trauma from the stress of the 5K that I just did, or something else? So I don't know any thing yet, they are running some test. But I am not feeling good today as I could not get back to sleep after waking up from it. So I am just going to take it easy today. Also when they weighted me at the doctors this morning I was 159, which is more than what my Wii showed yesterday, and after the doctors the Wii showed me at 156. So now I know my Wii is 4 Lbs off. Take care everyone, I will do my log ins today, but I am not going to move much today.
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JMAHNKEN 9/19/2013 9:03PM

    Thanks JAXMOMMY, you are not over stepping your grounds. We have had a lot of good times in the 4 yrs, but we have hit some hard bumps too. And lately it seems like the hard bumbs are getting more often and a lot harder. I haven't had the really bad pain and feeling faint since that early morning. But I have been having a lot more problems with my obliques on my right side since then. And I am still waiting to hear from my doctor's office on my test. My test results are not available for me to see online yet and they haven't called me yet about them either, so I guess they don't have them ready yet. But she did say that me drinking vinegar in my water might help what ever it was, as it is suppose to help with infections and stones if that is what it was. So I have been doing that. And I have had some serious talks with my boyfriend since, I don't know that it will help any? But at least he knows that he really hurt my feelings and that I don't want that type of treatment again. We are getting a long better right now at least. But I haven't ruled out leaving, especially if things don't change. He has never made any comments about me being fat, but he and his son have made comments about other people especially woman and girls on TV that I find really offensive and I have told them so! So just from what he has said about others I can assume what he thinks about me. No his son on the other hand has made comments about both of us. I have really backed off on my exercise even the walking to try to help my back and side heal. So hopefully it will do so sooner or later.

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JAXMOMMY 9/19/2013 11:32AM

    OK, it has been a week since you wrote of your pain.... I hope it has resolved itself or you got word from the MD about it all! Second, Honey, I know it is none of my business, but I would use my powerful 5K legs to not walk, but run away from that toxic relationship! You can rationalize all you want, but you are not being treated well, not even kindly, by this man or his child! 159 is not fat and if he is calling you fat, he is a sad, sad excuse for a human. I don't want to be mean, but I cringe when women are treated badly by the men who they love or think they love! Sit down and write out the positives you get from this relationship compared to the negatives. My bet is that the negatives will far outweigh the negatives! You don't need a man, #1, but when you want a man, you need one who is supportive of your goals, cares about your pain, encourages tyou tobe your best!! I suggest the clean and sober group you used to attend and church if that is what you need.... Dog parks, etc.! Places that have people with similar goals.... A running club? Again, I am sure I am overstepping my boundaries here, but you sound unhappy and I think this man is a large part of your unhappiness! Get out!

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JMAHNKEN 9/16/2013 6:53PM

    Thanks everyone. I don't fit into the type A, B, C or even the new D type personalities. I have a little of this and a little of that, I kind of fall all over. I would say I am more a laid back type of person, and I have the "Pleasing and Caretaker" really strong in me, but when I get walked on and taken advantage of over and over, I start to stand back and take notice, and then start to stand up for myself. I am really shy, so in person it might take me a bit to want to come out of my shell, and some can take it wrong and think I am just stuck up or what ever. Online it is a lot easier for me to just speak my mind and not worry so much about what others will think about me. So it is easier having a lot of friends online, as compared to having a lot of really close friends in real life. I think he is a mix too! He doesn't seem so Type A Power goal oriented to me, but his life is centered around his "IT" job first, His son next, His desire to watch and listen to every thing and anything sports 3rd, his desire to play video games 4th, I would say food and sleep tie for 5th, and I and everything else seem to fall some where after that. He has the addicted personality too: Addicted to sports, video games, coffee, cigarettes, soda, junk food, etc and use to be alcohol too. He isn't so much trying to constantly tell me what I should or shouldn't do. I hate conflict and he says he hates it too. He seems to avoid it so much, that he hardly wants to discuss any thing that might not be so pleasant or that he thinks there might be differences in opinion. When we met he seemed to really like to talk about any thing and every thing, and he seemed really smart too. Actually I should say when we met again. As we were in the same high school and knew each other from a JR ROTC class that we had together there. We were not really friends, but were acquainted with each other from that class and we had a lot of friends in common. But we never hanged out with the same friends at the same time after school. I didn't know it back then but I guess back then he was running with the fast crowd, and I was the shy wall flower. He supposedly has slowed down and mellowed with age, and I started coming out of my shell with age. I see him as the type that holds it all in until he blows up! And I am noticing more and more lately that he is making sarcastic comments at me, and when ever I try to call him on it he just says that he was just joking. But then later it turns out that it wasn't so much of a joke, just that he didn't want to have to get into a discussion, or argument about it. I think he is depressed and taking it out on me every once in a while. He doesn't try to give me advice even when I ask for it, instead he lets me decide for myself, and then later tries to play the "I told you so" or "I know best" type of games, and I find out that it wasn't what he thought I should have done. Or maybe when it just turns out bad, then he decides to say that it was the wrong choice, no matter what he really thought before that, as he didn't say before what he thought? I am noticing more and more that he and his son are seeming to just disagree with me to just disagree with me it seems. And they seem more and more to be trying to make themselves look better and smarter than me. They are more and more trying to correct my grammar and pronunciation of words for no real reason. When playing Wii games they seem to get bent out of shape if I get a higher score than them, so much so that they will play the same game until they beat my score. Which I could careless about one way or the other? He is is not consistent with his son either, and so his son is always testing his boundaries with us, especially with me and gets down right rude and disrespectful to me. And when I try to stand up for myself they both get bent out of shape and say I am the mean and rude one. They just expect me to let the kid do what ever and not tell the kid what to do, or not to do. But then they expect me to watch the kid all the time because he doesn't like being at his after school program, or the Boys & Girls Club, or at other baby sitter's that they tried. Gee, I wonder why, probably because they don't want to put up with his behavior issues. The dad and mom both seem to be trying to win a "best friend" or "The Most Fun House" award! Every thing is a fight with this kid and they just seem blind to it except for when they have had enough of it. He constantly plays around and tries to avoid getting ready for school, doing his home work, getting a showered, brushing his teeth, and getting ready for bed, and going to bed. I try to bit my tongue with it all as I know it can very easily turn into a big fight between us all. But some times I just have to put my foot down. And that is usually if the kid is hitting, biting, spitting, or any way trying to hurt me or my dog, or could lead to danger to himself, others or property. But if the kid is home alone with me, or the dad has fell asleep early, than I expect the kid to mind me and get ready for bed and go to bed at a decent time, not when ever the kid feels like it. Any ways, we have been together for over four years now. And at the beginning I was told well the kid is young and he is learning to deal with the separation and divorce of his parents and I just need to give him some space and time. And I was told that the dad was just stressed about the separation and divorce and a little cold feet from it. But that after the divorce he was going to give up cigarettes, and that we could probably get married in a yr or so. I never bring up the cigarettes to him, his son does. I know it can be hard to give up. But the dad will tell me every so often that next week or next month he is quitting and then nothing changes, and I just ignore it. When we met we where hanging out with a single and sober group that was always getting together on nights or weekends when he didn't have his son. So we were active and doing stuff. And we stayed in the group for a long time too, until we moved into together maybe a year after we met again. Now it is hard to get him to wait to do anything other than playing games on the computer, or watching sports unless it is to go to an after school sports or another type of activity like that for the son. Once in a blue moon we might go out for dinner, but even that is usually when his son is with us, not when we are by ourselves. When I asked him if he cared if I tried to run a 5K, he didn't seem to care one way or another. All he asked is if it was on a weekend that we were suppose to have his son, which it wasn't. I asked if he wanted to run it with me because I thought it might be a fun thing for both of us. It seems he was really into sports in school and even was on the track team in high school. But he said no, he didn't give any reasons and I didn't ask. I guess I just assumed he would go and watch and support me? But I guess he never had any intention of doing that either, but I didn't find out until the night before. His son had just started 3rd grade and the school had sent home a note letting us know that one of us was suppose to agree to be the main helper with his school homework. And so they decided that should be the dad, as again I got labeled as the "Mean one" just because I tried before to get the kid to do his homework before his dad got home like his dad had asked me to do for him to make the evening go easier. So that when the dad got home we could just concentrate on eating dinner, watching a family show and getting the kid ready for bed, instead of staying up late trying to get the homework done before bed because he didn't do it earlier. Well the kid was constantly coming up with any and every excuse not to do the home work, or was trying to get me to give him all the answers instead of trying to figure it out himself. And it just almost always ended up with an argument between us all because no matter what I did or didn't do, as soon as the dad got home the kid would complain about me, or I would just leave it a lone until the dad got home and let him deal with trying to get the kid to do it. No matter what, I was always the one on the outs! So his dad was suppose to be the one to deal with it this year, but he wasn't doing what he was suppose to be doing and so neither did the son. Then they both came panicked at me last Tuesday morning saying that they needed some homework assignment sheet printed out in a hurry before they left for school and they were running late even for that as usual as they kid was playing around instead of trying to get ready. And the kid hadn't told anyone that he needed this form printed out and signed until the last minute. But they didn't even know where to find this form, since that dad had never went into the site and made himself an account to getting to see and deal with the kids homework like he was suppose to have done several weeks ago. Now all of a sudden they needed me to print out the papers as I am the only one that has a printer that is working right now. Again, remember this is an "IT" manager, he built and set up all our computers, and both printer. He had their own printer from before set up with their computers and my own computer and printer that I own before I moved in with them set up for me. The power cord for their computer blew, and he just hasn't bothered in a couple of yrs now to try to move a book shelf out so that he could get to the wall circuit and just plug another power surge unit into it so they can have their own printer again. Or just as easily all of the computers and such are set up on a network that he made, he could easily just go in and tell the printer to work with their computer too, but again, I guess that is too much work for him? So any ways I had to look through a bunch of e-mails and websites trying to get info on where and how to get this paper for them as they are trying to rush me. Turns out the kid knew what site to go to and how to get in but wouldn't tell me because as he said "It's a secret!" I am not suppose to tell any one my user name and password! The dad was trying to get him to give me the info and the kid really didn't want to still, and I was still reading emails and looking on the school website for info, and they were all contradicting each other and the kid was contradicting everything that I was finding too. So they ended up going to school with out it and I kept trying to get info and get in. I found the site and tried different user names and passwords based upon what I read in the emails, and on the school site, and what they told me finally was what the kid was saying was how to get in and couldn't get in. Finally with phone calls back and forth from me and them as they drove to school I got in and found the form and printed it out. And also found that the kid didn't even need it until last Friday morning at which time he would be with his mom and it would have been her problem to find and print out. But I went a head and printed it out and also the homework assignment for the week before that I didn't think that he did, and for the week we were in and the next week too. And I called them back and told them that they didn't need it until the end of the week but that there was other stuff marked important that I couldn't see as I was not the parent and that the dad was really going to need to make the account like he was suppose to have done previously and check every thing out in there as I thought the kid might be behind in a couple weeks of home work not just a couple of days of homework. Well neither of them like to be told what they should do, or should have done, or need to do, or even just being asked to do anything. So this whole thing with me not being able to print out a sheet for them before they went to school was a mark against me. Then me letting them know that the kid was behind in homework and that he should try to get caught up was another mark against me, letting the dad know that he was suppose to have known about and already signed up to get onto this site was another mark. So that day they left the house mad at me and came back home mad at me and just got madder as the night went on. So that night when I came up sick, the dad had not care what so ever for me! He was just mad that I woke him up, mad that he thought that maybe I should have done more to get better and done less working out, mad that he didn't want to maybe miss work for me, or wake his son up for me. So he just kept yelling at me for waking him up and refused to talk that night about my pain or about maybe me getting medical help. So I had to deal with it all myself. And the next day when I went to go to the doctors, he didn't think any thing was wrong with me and was still mad at me. And it is oblivious now that he and his son talked about it that morning after I left to the doctors before they started their morning getting ready to leave for school and work. And they both came to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with me except maybe wanting attention! I know this now from things that they both said to me later! I also found out this weekend that he probably never intends to marry me know, because he said he doesn't want to take a chance that I will need an operation or have to go to the ER or hospital and then I would run out of money and if we were married than maybe they could lose the house because of me! Never mind he is just as over weight as myself if not more, he is not trying to lose any weight, he is a chain smoker, junk food addict, binge eater! Never mind that he said it was because I have no insurance! Never mind that if we were married then I could go on his insurance and could use it to help with my health problems unlike him, that hasn't been to the doctor since we met! So now I know how he really feels, now I know that I have to take care of me for me, because I can not count on him for any thing any more! I have a roof over my head right now because of him and that's about it. And the really funny part is or I should sad sad part is, just last night he broke his reading glasses falling asleep in front of the TV, and with out checking into getting an appointment first he just decided with out telling me that he was going to take today off to get new ones. Even thought just before he left to take his son to school he said he didn't need them for work and was going to have to wait at least two weeks to get new ones because he didn't have the money. To which I told him we could use some of my money to get them tonight or tomorrow night or the next night. So then just decided to take me up on it with out tell me first and just decided not to go to work today. But then once he got here and found that he couldn't get into Walmart this morning for it like I had told him maybe we could do tonight, then he decided not to try Cost co which is where I told him I got mine from. Instead now he is telling me that he has vision care through work and decided to call them. Turns out he can get the eye exam free through it tomorrow close to the house. So looks like he took today off for nothing and is going to miss part or all of tomorrow too! but mind you last Tuesday he was telling me there was no way that he could miss for me! I will forgive, but I won't forget!!! You walk on me too much and soon you will find yourself with out me!

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GREENEYES_42 9/16/2013 1:11PM

    Take care of yourself and I'm hoping you feel better soon!

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BLUENOSE63 9/16/2013 11:33AM

  Oh well yes it does seem all this running has taken you to a crossroads in your life so to speak. I once dated a man like your BF and found out whenever I succeeded, he felt the need to exert control in some way. Does that make sense to you? After reading your response to my question, I think that your BF is very threatened by you going for and achieving the goal.....would you say he is an A type personality and that he has a lot of opinions as to what you should do and not do?

My spidey sense tells me that you will figure this out but continue to walk, run as long as the doctor says it is okay. I think if you threw some strength training in there asap, you will see an improvement in your obliques and back.....the key to running is your CORE.

Take care my friend and it may be time to take the trash to the curb so to speak!

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JMAHNKEN 9/16/2013 1:47AM

    I guess I have a lot of thinking to do and probably a lot of changes to make in the near future?

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JMAHNKEN 9/16/2013 1:33AM

    Thanks BLUENOSE63, I haven't had the really bad, long pain come back in the spot since that AM luckily. But I have been having more issues with my obliques and back since then. I want to run another race, but I don't have any in mind right now. I am trying to get my back and obliques under control right now. They seem to be getting more aggravated with all the driving to the doctors or where ever I have to go. And riding in cars seems to aggravate it too, and so does a lot of the house work that I have to do. Walking and running doesn't seem to bother it and neither did my doing Free Step on the Wii. But seems my boyfriend was up set with me about it. He can be really stubborn and confusing at times! I don't always no what he wants or expects. I asked him if it was okay for me to run the 5K before I even signed up for it and he seemed okay with it, but just didn't want to have to have any thing to do with it himself. But I guess after I hurt my back and obliques he didn't think that I should go a head with the race, but he never told me that. And my doctor gave me the "Go Ahead" with the race, so I thought all was fine. But that night that I had the pain attack. My boyfriend got mad at me just for walking him up and refused to even think about taking me to an urgent care center or ER. I thought he was just mad at me about something else and being really mean and petty that night and I started to think about driving myself. But then I had better thoughts about it as I didn't want to take a chance of passing out while driving. So I just talked to the Emergency Nurse at my doctor's office and got advice from her on what to do. Luckily the pain had gone away and I didn't feel like I was going to pass out any more when I got a hold of her and never came back. Well I just found out yesterday that my boyfriend was mad at me for not having gone to the dr's sooner, or doing more to get better, and for running the 5K. Seems he thinks all the running and walking is causing problems. I set him straight thought, the walking and running doesn't hurt me. But his expecting me to still keep up with all the house work, the yard work, and all the driving and riding that he expects me to do to pick up his son for him, or doing the shopping, or going to the drs seems to set it off. I don't know that we got any thing solved between us this weekend. But at least I let him know that I thought it was really mean and petty for not caring that I was in pain and thinking about taking me to get some help that night. And I set him straight on what I know is hurting me and what I know is not hurting me. I also told him that I can not make the doctor's get me in to see them any more than they want, or any faster than they want. And that they don't want to give me anything stronger than Advil like he thought that they should give me because they and I don't want to hurt my kidneys and liver any more than they already are because of my gallbladder issue. Some times he just thinks he know it all and doesn't agree with me or my doctors. But I guess some times he is just stewing inside and not telling me what he is thinking so I can try to fix it. And I guess he had some other strange thoughts that are out of wack in my opinion too, but that is another long story. So I guess I am saying that there probably won't be another race until I get my medical issues under hand, and get myself a job, and get myself some type of health insurance. And I guess I learned that the only person I can really count on is myself!

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BLUENOSE63 9/15/2013 4:34PM

  Just checking in to see how you are feeling these days! When is the next race?

Cheryl

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JMAHNKEN 9/13/2013 8:32PM

    Thanks everyone. I am doing much better today too. I am still getting slight back or oblique problems off and on, but they are not bad and only last a few seconds to mins. Nothing like that bad pain that I had Wed Am in degrees of pain and length of pain. And my bladder seems to be settling down too, not running to the bathroom to pee as much today. I am even feeling good enough to tackle the laundry and other stuff today that didn't get done this weekend.

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SAPPHIREPW 9/13/2013 3:03AM

    Hope you're feeling better emoticon

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DETERMINEDJANET 9/13/2013 12:44AM

    Hope you feel better tomorrow!!

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JMAHNKEN 9/13/2013 12:32AM

    Thanks everyone, I am doing a lot better today.

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BLUENOSE63 9/12/2013 11:39PM

  Sending positive "get well" thoughts your way.

Congrats on your 5K!

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JMAHNKEN 9/12/2013 1:28PM

    Thanks everyone! I am feeling much better today. I just slept and rested yesterday and drank a lot of water and just ran to pee. I had a urine test done yesterday and now I am off to drop off an stool sample. I am way behind in all the test that they want done just because of my age because of a lack of insurance. But I am going to work on trying to get free insurance, or assistance on insurance, or just what ever insurance I can afford and try to catch back up on the test that they want me to do. My new doctor was really impressed that I don't look my age and that I just ran a 5K Sat. She said I inspired her to want to run a 5K now. So that was really nice! Well I am feeling better, but I am just going to take it easy again today. Going to the doctors and then going online trying to get some type of insurance.

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TWEETYKC00 9/12/2013 4:56AM

    I hope the pain goes away soon and it isn't serious. Hugs.

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STEVIEBEE569 9/12/2013 3:38AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JMAHNKEN 9/12/2013 12:48AM

    Thanks everyone! they ran some test today and I have to go back tomorrow for more and then more appts are being set up for others too. I didn't even set my watch to record any info for me today. Just went to drs, came home and ate and went to bed, and just got up around 7pm ate a little, not much and checking msgs and then going back to bed. The pain only lasted for less than an hour this morning, but just couldn't sleep after waking up from it around 2am and didn't get back to sleep until around 3pm today. But just haven't felt good since and constantly needing to pee too.

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PEZMOM1 9/11/2013 9:38PM

    emoticon

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BESCATS 9/11/2013 8:54PM

    So glad you went to the doctor, and I hope they find the answer soon.

All you need right now is some R &R until you get those test results back !!
Just get well. emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 9/11/2013 8:37PM

    Take care of yourself and don't worry about anything except getting healthy.

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 9/11/2013 8:17PM

    I hope you get what's going on with your body figured out soon and can get it taken care of!! Try to get a good night's sleep tonight!

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ANGGEL40 9/11/2013 8:16PM

    emoticon get some rest and have a Bless night emoticon

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NELSONCHERYL59 9/11/2013 7:39PM

    I hope u r feeling better and that they find what was causing your pain.
healing thoughts and prayers
emoticon

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ARTJAC 9/11/2013 7:20PM

    emoticon

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JACKIE542 9/11/2013 6:19PM

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D_4RECOVERY 9/11/2013 4:40PM

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SIRENALEANNE 9/11/2013 4:26PM

    Take care and get some rest. emoticon

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