I have been gone for a bit...some things have changed. In the last three weeks, I gave notice at my job without one to replace it, I moved back in with family and I spent a week in Costa Rica!
I have been unhappy with my job for a while...it is time to start something new. I know logically, it was not the smartest decision, but emotionally, spiritually, and taking in the happiness factor, it was the best decision for me. Doors are opening now...it's amazing!
Also, I read a really great book about Food Addiction...by Kay Sheppard. I really do think I am addicted and abstinence from sugar may be the last piece to my puzzle. I have been gluten and wheat free for almost 3 years now and that has helped with my moods and energy levels, not to mention settling my tummy issues. I know dairy and I don't get a long either, but the sugar is the one thing that sends me off into binges pretty consistently.
Before I try to go all "gung-ho" on this new way of healthy living, I am going to take baby steps. I think for the rest of this week, I am going to abstain from junk food and sugar. We will see how the week goes, how I feel and how weigh in is on Saturday. It is already Wednesday and I stepped on the scales yesterday and was up 0.4. So, I have some work to do.
I also think that Meditation is going to have to become part of my daily practice. It is what grounds me and shuts off all the "shoulds" flying around in my head.
This trip to Costa Rica was great...with exception to the kayak that fell on my head. The headaches are lessening, thank goodness. But I was very active and was able to keep up. Which I am so glad about! The pics that are now showing up show me the work I need to do. I hid from the camera most of the time, but saw myself in the background and it is disappointing. I don't feel like I am that big because I am still very active and can keep up with much thinner people, but it is a reality check for me. When I saw this pic, I cringed a little...
My arm looks huge and it just made me sad because this is not how I see myself. I know I am big, but I never thought of myself as "that big." I don't even know what that means now.
With that said...this is a starting point for me. This is where I will begin my journey. This time is different because I know that a diet will not work for me. I am addicted to food and the only way I will recover from that addiction is to abstain from sugar and sugar substitutes. It is my path to healing. I think I have known this all along, I just didn't want to admit it. After all, in my weekly meetings they constantly reinforce that NOTHING is off program. Well, for a food addict like me, that isn't true. Sugar is my crack and my body does not know moderation. It senses even the least bit and it can send me into binge mode easily.
I know this now.
The book made me realize that I am not crazy. That this really is a problem for some people and that "the body knows." So what do I want to change in my life?
1) No more diets. Live and eat healthy and without sugar.
2) Find a job that makes me happy, regardless of money. When money is factored in, I tend to make decisions my heart doesn't like.
3) Meditate each and every day. Even if only for a few minutes.
4) Exercise every day. I like it, it makes me happy, so why not?
5) Don't judge my success on the scale. Look at how I feel, how my clothes fit and how successful have I been at abstaining from sugar?
I am off to jump in the shower quickly and then off to Zumba. Today, I will find out more about Food Addicts Anonymous...