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Reality Check

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I have been feeling so EMPOWERED lately about my ability to stay on the SparkDiet. A couple of good weeks staying on track both calorie and exercise-wise had me feeling pretty confident. The scale was moving in the right direction. I was regularly tracking my food. It was all going to be smooth sailing this time, right?


Today I reminded myself of those alcoholics and drug addicts profiled on the TV show "Intervention" who go through rehabilitation only to fall back into their old deadly habits. I am addicted to food, and today was my Perfect Storm.

The factors:
1) I have not slept well in several months, especially in the past week. I was TIRED.
2) It was the first day I have worked this school year, so my normal routine was broken. I woke up 3 hours earlier than usual and had to eat at a set time as opposed to when I was hungry.
3) The sub job I had was boring. I basically sat next to a student all day and tried to keep him awake and focused.
4) The food was free.
5) The aroma of melting chocolate pervaded the cafeteria (where I needed to stay to watch the student during lunch).
6) I did not have interesting food in my lunch because I need to get groceries.
7) It was too hot to go for my walk, another disruption to my normal routine.

It started with a large chocolate chip cookie, warm and fresh from the high school cafeteria. I thought I could just replace it for the 16 Ghiradelli Dark Chocolate Chips I had previously planned, even though in my heart I knew the cookie had many more calories.The demon Addiction is a master manipulator! Still reeling from guilt, I walked into the teacher's lounge, where there were leftover pieces of free pizza. I ate two, in addition to the lunch I packed. Disgusted with myself, I pulled over at Dairy Queen and got a Blizzard on the way home. I don't even remember tasting it, because I was so upset at myself for getting it.

So once again I have proven that I am not perfect! This is something I have wrestled with my whole life. Time to dust myself off and get back on track. And forgive myself.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So, basically, you threw caution in the wind and just went for it.

    You knew better. I know you knew better. Heck, I know better for myself too. Yet...there are those times when everything run amok, no matter what.

    I'm glad you managed to get over that beast of just eating anything and acknowledging what happened.

    This is just a learning curve. A new system to arrange your eating habits around. You'll do great.

    Hope everything works out for you.

    1619 days ago
  • LINDAM.1
    Bad eating habits are hard to break especially free in front of you .
    Did you drink water? Did you exercise after work when it got cooler?
    You knew what food put you over your white bread count.
    Chips are my down fall and chocolate.
    1621 days ago
    Here's the cool thing about 'falling off the wagon'....when you climb back on you can get a more comfortable seat! Fluff up your cushions because you are on for the long haul!

    The best idea I've read on Spark was a woman who had a day like yours & she went for a walk THAT NIGHT! I was impressed. I hate to admit I don't even know who she was, but TOMORROW always seems to be a good starting time for me. She decided NOT to wait until tomorrow & I thought that was incredibly smart!

    Go to the grocery store so you have an interesting lunch the next time you work. I drank Pepsi for 2 years after I got sober! It wasn't good for me, but it wasn't killing me like whiskey was!

    Pick yourself up, dust yourself off & know that you are loved!
    1626 days ago

    I think it's wonderful when we show ourselves that we are not perfect, because there is NO WAY to live up to that ideal. I am not expecting perfect eating or perfect exercising any more. It's a set up for self hatred!

    You are my friend and I want better than that for you. emoticon

    Love, Ginger
    1626 days ago
    You'll get there--keep Sparking! You're worth it.

    1627 days ago
    We all slip up. The main thing is to get right back on track asap, without making excuses or beating yourself up. I understand the all-or-nothing mentality. That's what got me to needing to lose 150 pounds! You did great by blogging and pointing out and examining the issues you had to face. Now you know more about yourself than before and will be at least a little better prepared the next time you face these or similar circumstances. Just like the good teacher you are, you did an error analysis and are learning from your mistakes. Sorry that your day was boring, but whatever issues the student you worked with has, you were needed today. He is lucky to have had you there with him today. Oh, Blizzards are expensive both in dollars and calories...I discovered that our local Dairy Queen has a light smoothie...the pina colada is very good, and a small is under 200 calories.
    Smile, forgive yourself, and have a fabulous tomorrow!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1627 days ago
    Aw don't be so hard on your self.. emoticon I have the same problem, I have learned that the longer I have good days, I will keep some of my good habits, when I have a bad It took us a long time to pick up bad habits and it will take us a long time to add new healthy habits....start fresh will eventually stick. emoticon emoticon
    1627 days ago
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