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Why can't I just get a break?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

It seems like every time I finally feel super motivated, SOMETHING happens to bring me down and make me depressed again.

On Saturday I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was so sure this would be the real deal since now I'm seeing a specialist, changes have been made to my cycle, etc. I had already had my blood drawn (required by the RE) and went to work and tested. I just KNEW I was pregnant because for a day or two I had felt like a crazy person forgetting things, getting lost in places I've driven through a million times, etc. So for one full hour I was on cloud nine. Then I got the call that yes I was pregnant, but levels were UBER low...not enough to be considered a viable pregnancy, and they were right. We rechecked 2 days later and my numbers didn't increase. Now I'm getting my period. This freaking sucks. That makes 3 losses and no children. I'm hoping my doctor has some tricks up his sleeves...but the plan for now is to continue trying and save up for IVF which we'll aim to do in February/March of 2014.

I'm not going to let myself gain ANOTHER 15 pounds like I seem to do every time I lose another pregnancy. It is what it is, and I don't intend on giving up until I have a baby one way or another.

So now I'm just focused on losing weight for our trip to Israel, and that can only help if and when I end up having to do IVF.

Otherwise work is good. I've been a bit distracted of the last few days because of being in limbo with this miscarriage, and I feel bad I forgot to get some prescriptions called in for people :/ that's been a critique from my bosses - that I'll get started on something, set the chart down and forget to get back to it...ugh. I hope they cut me some slack this time.

Shandi is doing well with her chemo. She is tolerating it great and as far as she is concerned, nothing is wrong with her! Love that girl.

I'm definitely starting to hit a wall with the way I look. As CONFUSEDBIRD said in a blog, do you like the way you look? If not, change it! Well yeah, I hate it. Today I got my hair cut and where I used to fit in the tight little black chair, this time I could feel the sides on my thighs. I just looked like a lump sitting there. Not happy with that. There is only one person in this entire world who can do something about

Plan for the next few days is to finish out this miscarriage (ouch) and get the house nice and clean again so that takes off one more thing from my list of "reasons I don't have time to go to the gym or cook healthy meals". I'm going to pull out some recipes from the Paleo cookbook. I am going to hit the gym at least 2 times this week.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm so sorry, GF! This really sucks. You just have to keep the faith though and not get depressed. Losing weight will help you, especially after you finally have your baby as the little one will keep you very busy. You will be a great mom.

    Everyone forgets things at work. Everyone is always too busy and that's why. No one can finish up one job and then move on. They have to go back and forth. Patient's families need to be proactive and make sure they have what they need before they leave instead of expecting the doctor to remember everything. Our vet is swamped sometimes and does surgery for hours on end. He must be exhausted but he never complains and we understand when he gets busy and forgets something. It's how life is.

    Gotta love that little Shandi. I hope she continues to do this well.

    I can't say that I've ever liked or hated the way I look. I just accept it and maybe that's not such a good thing. LOL.

    I'm in for some Paleo recipes too. I need to use these cookbooks or stop buying them.
    1110 days ago
    =( I am so sorry, broke my heard to read that you are going through this again. I just got my period too, just gotta keep trying and trying and trying and trying. Frustrating. Good to hear Miss Shandi is taking the treatment well. Everytime I see white boxer, I think of you.
    1111 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1111 days ago
    Ssending you lots of hugs and support - and I know it's difficult, but take some time to be good to yourself.
    1111 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Try not to focus on the negative, but look to what is going well in your life. Prayer helps me. emoticon God bless .
    1111 days ago
    Sorry, sweetie. That sounds so very discouraging. I have several friends who struggled with this same process. All of them have one or more children now...but it can be such a rollercoaster in the meantime. Hang in there!
    1111 days ago
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