Why can't I just get a break?
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
It seems like every time I finally feel super motivated, SOMETHING happens to bring me down and make me depressed again.
On Saturday I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I was so sure this would be the real deal since now I'm seeing a specialist, changes have been made to my cycle, etc. I had already had my blood drawn (required by the RE) and went to work and tested. I just KNEW I was pregnant because for a day or two I had felt like a crazy person forgetting things, getting lost in places I've driven through a million times, etc. So for one full hour I was on cloud nine. Then I got the call that yes I was pregnant, but levels were UBER low...not enough to be considered a viable pregnancy, and they were right. We rechecked 2 days later and my numbers didn't increase. Now I'm getting my period. This freaking sucks. That makes 3 losses and no children. I'm hoping my doctor has some tricks up his sleeves...but the plan for now is to continue trying and save up for IVF which we'll aim to do in February/March of 2014.
I'm not going to let myself gain ANOTHER 15 pounds like I seem to do every time I lose another pregnancy. It is what it is, and I don't intend on giving up until I have a baby one way or another.
So now I'm just focused on losing weight for our trip to Israel, and that can only help if and when I end up having to do IVF.
Otherwise work is good. I've been a bit distracted of the last few days because of being in limbo with this miscarriage, and I feel bad I forgot to get some prescriptions called in for people :/ that's been a critique from my bosses - that I'll get started on something, set the chart down and forget to get back to it...ugh. I hope they cut me some slack this time.
Shandi is doing well with her chemo. She is tolerating it great and as far as she is concerned, nothing is wrong with her! Love that girl.
I'm definitely starting to hit a wall with the way I look. As CONFUSEDBIRD said in a blog, do you like the way you look? If not, change it! Well yeah, I hate it. Today I got my hair cut and where I used to fit in the tight little black chair, this time I could feel the sides on my thighs. I just looked like a lump sitting there. Not happy with that. There is only one person in this entire world who can do something about that...me.
Plan for the next few days is to finish out this miscarriage (ouch) and get the house nice and clean again so that takes off one more thing from my list of "reasons I don't have time to go to the gym or cook healthy meals". I'm going to pull out some recipes from the Paleo cookbook. I am going to hit the gym at least 2 times this week.