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    SLIMLILA   78,236
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PTSD Episode - Bullying

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I just had a very serious cry... I was watching that US school show on bullying... I couldn't watch it all, I asked dh to shut it off, he minimized my feelings by saying it will end up ok.. I sat another minute, tears streaming down my face. I got up and walked away. In tears, it brought back my own personal experienced of being bullied in the last school I worked in. Anyone that has followed my blogs for awhile probably went through it all with me. I didn't have any idea this could still affect me so deeply.

I went and cried for a bit, not knowing how to deal with this. Then, (yes, eating did come to mind- I am afterall, an emotional eater), but this time I did better... I sought out my WATP videos. I tried one just thinking it was a longer one, and it ended up being the "Firm" one, with strength training... sure helped work out some of the stress.. Tears are still boiling over, but I don't know what to do about this.

My story needs to be told and that person needs to be held accountable... and so does the principal, becaase he knows and did nothing.. big 6ft. 2in - 300 lb man - and he did nothing... well, actually he did exactly what the parents and teachers did in this video... he didn't know what to do, so he turned it back on me and re-victimized me.. I went to the union and they could do nothing.

I was suicidal. I went on the anti-depressants and I started walking, at least my body knew what to do to relieve some of the stress, not to simply accept being medicated to bury the feelings... This woman was at that school for 9 years at the time and there had been 39 teachers gone through that school.... a 4 room schoolhouse.... I don't think I am being unreasonable in thinking that others were also bullied by this bit$$. And I know for a fact that she bullied the kids too... they told me, even when they were already in 7th and 8th grade, they still had the hurts..

And my greatest accomplish in that 2 years of Hell was proving to a 10 y.o. girl that she could read, by teaching her how to do it, despite the fact that this other teacher had told her so repeatedly that she could only believe it, that she was "retarded". I kid you not, in this day and age, that bit$$ did use that word. Even said it to the principal and was not stopped...

I can't tell anyone how hurt I was, I am... I lost my career over it and I have not had my say, except here..... my story has not been told to my satisfaction or in defense of the kids she hurt and damaged... and doubtlessly the other teachers she bullied and ruined.

What can I do? It still hurts so much... and what hurts even worse, is knowing she got away and probably is still getting away with it and I can't do a thing about it. If I am too close to the forest to see the trees and anyone has any resolution for me, please!!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLKCANADA 9/11/2013 10:02AM

    Lila
Seems we do have a lot more in common than we thought! Everything everyone has said is extremely good and I have sent you an e-mail with more info.
Stay strong my friend.


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PATTYKLAVER 9/11/2013 8:23AM

    I saw the reason you were there - the rays of sunshine. You helped others who had been bullied. YOU TAUGHT A GIRL TO READ - WHAT A GIFT YOU GAVE HER! Consider legal action - write down dates and descriptions as best you can and go for it. If you do this, I will personally find a way to come there and be with you through that.

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SLIMLILA 9/10/2013 10:46PM

    Thank you all for sharing my pain and offering your empathy and support... It is much appreciated...
I just told my friend that I finished making another baby hat, and maybe I should be calling these "hats of healing".

I'm still weepy, but much more settled... thank you all and big group hug!!!!! emoticon

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GAILANN48 9/10/2013 9:23PM

    I don't have an answer for you, Lila. There are so many things like your experience, things that are unfair and simply wrong, times when people seem to get away with things, times we want people to be held accountable. Sometimes that just doesn't happen. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this, and sorry for the children. Other than that, I don't know what to say, other than that "turning it over" - giving the person and the whole horrid situation over to God to handle since you really can't do it yourself anyway - and turning those emotions over to Him, too.

It's good you've shared it, my friend.
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TRYINGTOLOSE64 9/10/2013 9:10PM

    Unfortunately your story goes on in many different workplaces and as you say..it's always the victim that gets re-victimized. I know...I've been there myself.

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TERRI289 9/10/2013 9:02PM

    I am sending you the biggest HUG I can send. I remember all that and hating that you could not get support in your workplace.

I still want to go and kick that female..not much resolution but you know I would take her out at the ankles if I could.

Bullying leaves scars, no doubt about that. I have a few of my own but with friends like you, mostly I can put it away. when you are ready, you will be able to put it aside. I like Topsbear's idea about suing her. Some how she has to be accountable for it.

Any time you want to vent, feel free to contact me! HUGS!!

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SPARKLISE 9/10/2013 8:35PM

    So sorry that your story could not be heard!
And so sorry for those kids! emoticon emoticon

I wish I had an answer for you. emoticon emoticon

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TOPSBEAR 9/10/2013 8:26PM

    Have you ever thought of contacting some of the others that were bullied by this person and taking this person to court as a group. That would effectively strip her of her career if you all told your stories in the court room. There are lawyers that would do it for free just for the principle of it, Or you could sue her for damages and maybe get some money out o f her..The upshot is you and the others would have been able to get the story out, stop her in her tracks, and have your confrontation in a public forum, thereby stopping her from bullying you back for it. Something to think about.

These things never "just go away" Usually there has to be a confrontation with the person or some kind of counselling.

Also by talking with a lawyer, there may be other charges that could come out of it, with the loss of job and all that part could entail.

good luck deciding what to do

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MAGA99 9/10/2013 8:22PM

    so sorry u had 2 experience that - ur feelings r valid
I went thru alot in school then I worked w children for over 20 yrs
whether u r an adult or a child BULLYING is wrong n does effect us 4 the rest of our lives
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