So, as some of you know, I have been stuck in a rut for a while now. Over a year. When I started this journey I thought, "I can make my goal weight in 6 months!" How exciting is that? Easy-peasy... right?
After my first 5 months (and 50 pounds!) my weight loss journey started slowing. Then stopped. Then it reversed a bit. Then it reversed back. Over the past year I have gained a couple pounds at a time, and lost a couple pounds at a time, and I have now found myself a whopping 15 pounds heavier. At one point I was down to 165... now I am back up at 183.
When I first read those motivational stories where the person said they lost the weight in a 2 year long journey, I would think: I won't be one of those people! I will lose all my weight and maintain and I have the willpower for this!! Oh naive 220-Emily.
But I had never tried to notice my weight before, and I had never actually tried to lose weight of my own accord, so this is new to me. All of it. The slight yo-yo-ing, the total loss of control in the evenings, or when my roommates make something and I just can't resist... it's all a new experience.
So you know what? I'm going to stop feeling down because of it. I am new at this, so it stands to reason that I would need to go through a few trials and errors to find out what works for me and to change my relationship with food. Sorry, I mean my romance with food. Because I have kind of come to realize that I almost see food in a romantic way... does that make sense? Good food is always there- at every family gathering, to share with family and friends, to console me when I'm sad, to celebrate when I'm happy... It's even there to eat romantically with my honey. (Whipped cream, anyone? Hah) And it's there to keep me company when I'm bored. All of this I've tried to deny, but the more I am able to watch my bad habits, the more I am able to see that I turn to food for just about any sort of emotional eating. I am a straight-up emotional eater.
That said, I do have to say that, even though I am bummed out about my weight-gain, and even though I am stressing a little bit about what my mom is going to say when I see her this coming weekend, I am going to look at this in a positive light.
-I am trying every day. I may feel like I've given up when it comes to food sometimes, but at least I am being conscious about it.
-I have gotten back in to a GREAT exercise routine that I know I can stick with for at least the next 6 months. The best part- I got a Zumba punchcard from my Ma for my b-day, and a aquatic center punchcard from my sister-in-law.
-I have started tracking calories again. Although I still slip up now and then, I am really trying to be mindful about this.
-I try to sneak in extra exercise- like walking to get the water jug filled instead of taking the car.
-I'm trying to stop seeing 1500 as a calorie cap, and more as 1200 as a goal to reach. A kind of half-empty/half-full thing. How many veggies can I scarf down so I can reach 1200?
Of course, the last bullet point is the one that I am going to focus on the most right now, because that is the most important to me. I used to say, "I have enough calories left today to spend it on a candy bar, then I'll only have 5 calories left...." Now I am trying to say, "You need to spend 1200 calories today, between 1200 and 1500 is credit- you're spending what you don't have yet."
If you were wondering- I read an article about looking at calories as if they were money. Would you like to spend 1200 today and save the extra allowance for tomorrow? Or would you like to over-spend today, knowing that you will have to pay a fee for that later?
Oh well, another day, another salad!! (Today it's lime chicken leftover from last night mixed with romaine, blue- and raspberries, onions, and rice vinegar dressing. YUM!!)
I GOT THIS!