Feeling so Demoralized
Monday, September 09, 2013
So today sucked. There's really no way around it.
I was supposed to go to the doctor, bright and early this morning, to deal with some medical hurdles in my journey to lose weight. I was also really hoping my Dr would have some suggestions on where to get myself weighed (I'm a wheelchair user, so I can't use a regular scale).
However, when I got there, the elevator was broken, and I could not go to my appointment. This is the second time this has happened (I've only been there 4 times total...). He came down and spoke to me in the stairwell, but I wasn't comfortable discussing everything there, so I had to leave with nothing resolved.
I couldn't feel more crappy about this. I was hoping to come out of this day feeling a little more confident in my direction. A few steps closer to really being sure this was going to work. Instead, I came out feeling aimless and tired.
I'm going back on Friday (hopefully) and maybe then things will get resolved. But it's just frustrating. I was kind of really hoping he'd especially be able to point me in the direction of a wheelchair scale, so I could have some sense of where I'm starting from, and some way to keep monthly tabs on my progress (yes, I know I can measure myself, go by my clothes, but those ways just don't work for me by themselves.). Really, 250lbs is a bit of a guess for my starting weight. There is a good chance I weigh a bit more, and if so, I'd like to readjust my expectations, knowing it will take a little more than 2 years to reach my goal. I also wanted to know if 125 is realistic for me, medically. If it's not, I can learn to live with another goal.
Instead, here I am, no wiser about my path than when I left for work this morning. Sigh.