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Your Authentic Self

Monday, September 09, 2013

It goes without saying that if youíre an actor, youíre not usually your authentic self. Duh right? Lately, Iíve been really trying to embrace my authentic self, embrace the REAL MissB8604. Sure, Iíve been reverting back to old ways (i.e., drinking soda, overeating, gossiping) but I think it takes time to kill old habits and a heck of a lot of patience. Instead of focusing on the bad things about myself, I think itís better (albeit, harder) to focus on the good things. Soda is a rare occurrence, which is great! However, my overeating could use a complete overhaul and my gossiping has been ridiculous lately. When I act on those negative compulsions, what am I trying to accomplish? Am I making those around me better? Am I making myself a better person? NO. In my current show, weíve had a lot of drama/friction surrounding one particular cast member and I am now to the point where Iím exhausted with it. This person enters a room and the entire mood changes. The room gets heavier, oppressive. They get preferential treatment from the production team, complain about everything and make everyone else walk on eggshells just for them. This person is an EASY target for gossip not only because of how they treat others, but simply because they are who they are. Just like everyone else, I have been playing right into because of past experiences with this person when I promised myself at the beginning of this process that I wouldnít. I let myself down and I am embarrassed by how Iíve handled things. As far as I know this person isnít aware of my idiocy, but that still doesnít make it right.

I just want to be a better person. I want embrace the person I am, love that person. Iím working on accepting my physical faults (i.e., my belly, the discoloration on parts of my body, my lisp) but man is it a long time in coming. Like most people, I have days when I donít care and days when I just want to crawl in bed and sleep it away. Iíve changed my entire life by loosing 100lbs (despite gaining 25lbs back), but what about the mental part? Where did I go wrong with that? Why am I still doing/saying things I would have said a few years ago? Why canít I treat others how I want to be treated? Why canít I keep my diva sized mouth shut? This CANNOT be my authentic self and if it is, I donít want it to be. Iím not even sure why Iím writing this blog, but so many things have been weighing heavily on my mind that I guess I need to get it out rather than letting it fester.

Just because Iím an actor doesnít mean I can keep denying my authentic self, the GOOD person I am and strive to be. I shouldnít have to act to be the person that I feel I can be, I need to accept who I am and if I have traits I donít particularly like, try to work on them. Thereís nothing like knowing a person with traits you donít like to make you take a hard look at yourself.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BINGO24
    This blog entry makes me think about who I really am. We should all be true to our inner selves. Most of the time, we get distracted by voices telling us who we should be. That is where we get way laid.

    Thank you for posting this. It has opened my eyes to some things in my own personal life. You are an incredible human being and I am so glad that you are my Spark Friend.
    1182 days ago
    emoticon for your blog. You gave me some insight about myself. Keep your head held high. emoticon emoticon
    1183 days ago
    1183 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Fitting-in behavior can be toxic.. it is always something that you can step away from, like a cowpie, back'er up!! Steer clear of feeling obligated to reply to remarks about the primadonna.. no reply is required and we all have the power to change the subject. So easy to slip in the old ways though, isn't it..seems like certain people trigger me..
    1184 days ago
    Well, it is definitely a good thing to embrace yourself . . . . ALL of you . . . the good and he bad. Because that's how we can begin to change in ways we want to1 You are definitely one to embrace YOU . . . ALL of you! You're an inspiration to others to do the same!

    HUGS to you!
    1184 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    You've acknowledged your fault. You're working on making it better, so you're on the right track. One day at a time! You got this!! emoticon
    1184 days ago
    Performer or Not.....
    You Miss B are Extraodinary, One in a Million, and the Genuine Article.
    Keep being your fantastic self.
    1184 days ago
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