Monday, September 09, 2013
I had a bad eating day yesterday and I feel annoyed with myself though I am happy to report I am back on track today. Still... what happened?
I am tired! I have been very-very tired for the last month. It has been a hard August with extended family staying over in our two bedroom apartment for the month, spending too much on site-seeing and excursions, sorting out fights amongst the kids, dealing with my son' deteriorating behavior (he was out of his routine and had to deal with a lot himself and he is only four), planning my son's 4th birthday party and generally burning the candle both ends. Yesterday we had another short visit by other family and I had spent the whole day tidying up as it was my first chance since my relatives who stayed with us in August left, and my son chose to make a big fuss about our visitors! He did not want to be with them at all, cried and shouted and was generally difficult despite having seen them many times in the past month alone and before. To make matters worse, I think this may have had something to do with our visitors cutting their visit shorter than usual and needless to say I did not handle the situation with my son as best as I could have as I was already tired and felt annoyed with him and embarrassed by his behaviour.
The whole day I was fighting intense cravings to eat sweets... I threw away most of the remaining birthday cake from Saturday leaving only one piece for my husband, I ate some dark chocolate that I had in the fridge (smallish amount) in an effort to appease my sweet cravings and then, because I felt full in the aftermath of the chocolate (and maybe here lies my mistake) I skipped lunch as I did not have time for it anyway, trying to get the house in shape in time for our visitors. I was not feeling hungry or anything when they came and when my son started the fuss, after sending him to his room to calm down, I even had some fruit to avoid binging which by this point I knew was coming. But it was to no avail. After our visitors left, I felt even more tired, stressed, unhappy and annoyed with my son, so I gave in for good and had... loads to eat till I felt bloated beyond belief and nearly (not actually) sick. Needless to say I did not feel any better so I went to bed early knowing I'd be back on track today, which I am.
And now I am left wondering, what was the point of overeating? Such a ridiculous way to try and deal with a problem.... and the amount I ate is totally crazy too. Nothing to do with being hungry. Compulsive and sad really! I tried to avoid what I knew was coming but only using other food related alternatives. I felt powerless to it, like futile fighting of the inevitable. I never tried the full range of options available to me- if only I had thought about sparking like I am now or going out for a fast walk!
BUT I will do that next time.. I WILL REMEMBER next time. Still it was better than in the past, I am not beating myself up too much today, I made an effort to resist, I was aware of the issue while it was happening and I have now a better solution.
My weigh in is Tuesday, so wish me luck!