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GAMES PEOPLE PLAY--IT TAKES TWO

Sunday, September 08, 2013



I have posted this before in various forms. In 1972 I went through Transactional Analysis Therapy and read 4 books that changed my life: "Loneliness: The Fear Of Love" by Ira Tanner, "Passages" by Gail Sheehy, "Born To Win" by Murial James and Dorothy Jongeward, P.H. D, "I'm Okay, You're Okay" by Thomas A. Harris, M. D. and a 5th one "Games People Play" by Eric Berne, M.D., that verified everything. These books were written between 1967-1976 and they all could have been written and published today.

Don't assume (and we all know what assume stands for) this is about you but if the shoe fits isn't it time you changed to another pair of shoes? (Guess I am into a shoe fetish today LOL)

"Yes, But...." is a game negative people play. No matter what you say to them, regarding any subject, they will come back with the answer, "Yes, but..." "That's a nice dress." "Yes, but it is old." Whether it is a compliment, a suggestion, an idea, a change, no matter what, they have that "Yes, but..." waiting.

"Games prevent honest, intimate and open relationships between people. Games are played to win, but a person who plays games as a way of life is not a winner. (Born to Win)"

Sally loses a lot of weight and gets a lot of attention and continues to get attention as she keeps the weight off but, little by little, people come to accept the 'new' Sally and the attention stops. How does Sally get attention? Regain the weight. "Negative Attention Is Better Than No Attention At All". Calling people names, putting people down, discounting people are all ways of getting negative attention not to forget committing a horrendous crime, stealing a lot of money and going to other extremes. While most people don't go that far they will demean themselves to get attention like getting drunk (been there), talk about being a slut or all the sex partners they have (done that)--not once in awhile but consistently.

"Games tend to be repetitious. People find themselves saying the same things in the same ways, only the time and the place may change. (Born To Win)"

We all know people who play "Poor Little Me"--they are always complaining about their life whether it be physical, economical or emotional. People, 'they', are always preventing them from doing better. They are, generally, also "Injustice Collectors", people who harbor any and all, possibly imagined, insults and then one day explode. Both these game players hinder themselves. Both have an excuse to NOT better themselves and are always blaming someone /something else--their spouse, society, economics, parents and, even sometimes, their pets like "I can't go on vacation because I can't afford to put Fido in a kennel and I have no one to take care of them. Poor little me. It is unjust!"

"The fact is that games are not fun or funny. They are defenses to protect individuals from greater or lesser degrees of pain growing from the I am not okay position. (I'M OK--YOU'RE OK)"

To be called on a game might often produce anger. Games are negative time structuring devices which keep people apart and are constantly repeated. If they can find like players to gang up on someone they fail because they will, eventually, turn on each other--that is the nature of the negative game--not having people agree with you.

"Games are a series of transaction between two people leading to a definite payoff---feelings of rejection, disappointment, anger, guilt or hurt. (Loneliness:The Fear of Love)"

The type of games that you play are based on how you feel about yourself.

A person's favorite game is, "If It Weren't For You"--when Eve ate the apple and was asked why, she blamed the snake--when Adam was asked why he took a bite of the apple he blamed Eve--now they were both victims and could claim, "If it wasn't for you...". To not take responsibility it is easier to say, "See what you made me do."

We get even with people through self-injury, flunking a test, striking out at someone, sitting and brooding, name calling. Sometimes the rewards of winning a game are small like weeping in the bedroom, having a headache, throwing a dish, dressing down someone--all a way of saying "I won this game,"--and by doing this we emphasize our negative feelings and not feeling good about ourselves we play a game again.

When a person posts the same negative feelings, words, attacks again and again they are reinforcing their own negative feelings about themselves and end friendships and intimacy with others and they win by feeling bad.

I once knew someone--and still know 2-3 people like that--who the unhappier they were/are, the more they had to complain about, the more they could put someone/anyone down, the happier they were and that's a sad, sad game.

Did you ever notice that sad, unhappy people hate happy, positive people?

There are a few other games people, especially bloggers, play that I will post about in the future.

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For men who think they are 'better', 'different', 'superior', 'smarter'--I suggest they read "Passages" and they will see themselves at 20, 30, 40 and over 50. People are more alike then they are different and it is so easy to see that on blog sites.
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