Sunday, September 08, 2013
I love to hide. I gain weight and I hide. I avoid people at all costs because of how ashamed I am. Unfortunately, I have been hiding most of my adult life.
I took a courage step today. I actually posted photos of myself to my Sparkpage ~ How I looked this summer (20 lbs higher then) and a bit of photo history of my sizes. This is the first time ever posting "fat" photos.
I usually avoid cameras or delete photos because I don't want to remember how I look. My weight swings have been drastic. Every time I get into an uncomfortable size, the shame has been so great that I hide from the world.
Today, I am Living Life On Life's Terms. I am not using food to escape. I exercised today and broke a sweat! I am blogging and posting photos so all of you "Sparkpeople" can see who I am. I am pushing shame out of my life.
No one has ever said, "Wow you gained a ton of weight!" Nor have they acknowledge the drastic swing up the scale several times throughout my life in any way. I guess people don't know what to say. Maybe they don't even notice?
What they think of me is none of my business!
I have escaped through food, or lack of , since I was a tweenie. (Back then, there was no such label.) Today, I face you with who I am and where I have come from.
I don't want to be hiding anymore. I won't hide anymore.
PSSSSST! AFTER KEEPING THE FAT PHOTOS ON THEIR, I JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT HOW I LOOK. SUCH SHAME…. I removed the fat photos….