Sunday, September 08, 2013
I have myofascial pain syndrome and a sprained/strained cervical spine.
Basically one muscle started in a knot, so other muscles worked harder and knotted. Then the fascia, which is the connective tissue, glued my muscle to my skin. This started in my neck/shoulders and worked down my arms, back and legs.
Going on walks causes pain, especially inclines. Leaning and cleaning for long periods causes pain. I try to do as much as possible but it's hard when it leads me to being stuck on the couch with a heating pad and Advil.
I went next door last night because the neighbors were having a bonfire and it was teased that we, me & my fiancÚ, need to do my yard work and I have to get out there and just do it. Now, I understand no one wants to live next door to the unkept home but our house is kept nice outside. It's not overly decorated but that's due to finances. Plus, I physically end in pain trying to do much of anything. And now I feel so guilty.
How is it that being a woman means you have to be able to do everything & be good at it. I cook a meal for me and Mike, every night. I keep up on the dishes, laundry and dusting. I'm doing my best, and that little comment crushed me. If I had the money or ability to do more, trust me I would.
And on top of it, I'm struggling not only with my new job but my new life. I'm an hour and a half from my friends and family. I haven't made too many new friendships in my new town, and it's gotten me depressed.
I just keep telling myself I'm doing my best, and it's enough, even if it doesn't feel that way.