I usually donít get too personal with people, but this week I have come to a realization about something that is hindering my progress but I have been in denial that itís really an issue. It may not be very obvious, but I battle with depression and I have definitely hit a low point in my life.
It started back in 2009 when I had undoubtedly the worst year of my life. This was the year we found out about my sisterís drug addiction, my grandpa burned down his house (by accident of course), and my parents separated 2 weeks before Christmas after 26 years, just to name a few.
Iím not depressed as in I want to hurt myself and Iím not necessarily an emotional eater; some days itís not being able to get out of bed when I have a million things to do, or itís isolating myself from society not wanting to be in public.
I have been on and off meds since 2009 and I stopped taking them again late last year. I felt they were no longer serving their purpose and I was feeling great. Now here I am, stressed about so many different things, my sister and the mountain of debt I carry are probably my two biggest worries.
Exercise is something I love to do and as the days go by it becomes more and more of a chore. I have given the idea that the depression has set in some brief thought in the last few months, but I didnít really take myself seriously. But this week something just clicked, and I realized it has become a huge road block in this already difficult journey. As much as I have tried to stay positive and motivate myself and others, and come up with varying ways to stay in the mix, my efforts in pulling myself out of this ďfunkĒ have been extremely unsuccessful and I feel as though itís getting worse.
So this week I called my doc and she sent over a new script for the medication and they gave me a referral to see someoneÖsome things (like my sister) simply canít be worked through on my own.
Iím not telling all of you that happen to read this for any kind of pity or sympathy, thatís not me. Like I said, I donít usually get personal about myself (but I am always able to listen to others no matter what), but this has been weighing on me for some time and it is really effecting the direction my journey is taking (the opposite of what I want).
This week I think the only goal I met was my water intake. Very, very disappointing. I was really busy this week and my schedule was a little different, plus I was dog sitting. The combination had me completely thrown off, twice I didnít go to bed once I got off work; I stayed up most of the day aside from a 2 hour nap in the afternoon and even the following day my body just didnít know how to react, even after a good nights sleep.
For now I am just hopeful that I can start moving in a positive direction and really start making progress.