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Avoiding Sparkpeople out of Shame.

Saturday, September 07, 2013

It's time to own up to it.

Frequently, I go AWOL from SP when it's probably most beneficial to me but I feel ashamed from my choices.

My Mud Hero pictures came back in. I opted to wear a form-fitting tank top that day (which I RARELY DO in public) because I remember carrying around the weight of a wet t-shirt last year. It was awesome - there wasn't as much fabric weighting me down or collecting water. The major downside was the top clung for dear life to all the areas that I do my best to hide. The result is that I'm ashamed of the pictures and how I looked that day, especially knowing my boyfriend and children saw me. I do not want to talk about the event with people because of this. I have not shown anyone any of the pictures. I have hidden my medal in my room. I feel nauseous when I think about it.

August was a month of pure insanity and doing that run at the end of it was just the cherry on top. I was exhausted. But that's not an excuse. I feel like two years into this battle I should be further than I am. Maybe I'm not putting as much effort in as I could. Perhaps I'm coming to realize that I've fallen short of my goal. I'm about 10 lbs away from the goal I set in 2011. Even that is a very low-set goal - just into the healthy range of my BMI. That isn't where I want to end up - just where I want to start.

Now I'm left with a deflated feeling, especially closing in on the tail end of the year knowing that I still haven't reached where I wanted to be.

Time to reach into the bottom of my pocket and pull out the last bit of motivation to get to my goal.

And to stop running away from my failures.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am struggling so hard right now with my frustration. I feel like I've been giving this whole weight loss thing my best effort and yet I am hopelessly stuck here only 12 pounds down. I am not in a healthy BMI even though I feel healthy and think I look pretty decent. When I try to watch what I eat, I end up too hungry and then I overeat. When I get too frustrated and give up trying to vaguely count calories, I get mad at myself and feel guilty and ashamed of so consistently overeating. My exercise is in such a good range...but I am still so far from my goal. You know what, though, we are still doing such good things for ourselves. Don't just look at the pictures from the run....look at the progression from beginning to now. You have done so much! Remember, the longer the weight was on your body, the harder it will be to get your body to let go. Just give it time and LOVE and it will change eventually!
    1651 days ago
  • DO4FIT
    You have come so far! We are our own worst critics and I am sure NO ONE will be judging you based on how you looked after the mudder but instead being overly impressed with the fact that you did it and they did NOT. Show those pics off with PRIDE. It is not the sort of thing that you are supposed to look glorious after, the more mud, sweat etc etc the better! This should be a shining achievement in your big book of many shinny achievements!

    your journey is not a race. you will get there!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1656 days ago
    Any accomplishment, big or small, is still an accomplishment...so be proud of yourself. It's really easy to beat ourselves up, especially if we didn't meet a particular goal, yet we need to often step back and look at the big picture, did we at least work towards our goal and have improvement along the way. Don't give up and be proud of all you've done thus far! Many Blessings to you and good luck on your journey!
    1657 days ago
    I've so been there. There is so much that is awesome in what you've done and crummy pictures of you doing exactly what your are supposed to - being active - show your strength and ability to keep moving forward even when things aren't ideal. emoticon
    1657 days ago
  • PJ2222
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1657 days ago
    You can do it!! It's best to face your failures head on so that you can beat them instead of them beating you!!
    1657 days ago
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