This blog won't exactly be stream-of-consciousness (I'm much too rational for that), but it won't be particularly well organized either. I went for another long walk today and used it for Think Time.
I'll address most of the physical in my next blog, but I've re-committed to stretching.
Almost all of my walks this summer were 15 minutes or less, even when I went out multiple times a day and got good mileage in. But I rarely bothered to stretch afterward, because I didn't feel tight. But I lost a lot of flexibility over the weeks, as I found out the hard way last Monday. So I've stretched much more faithfully this past week, and I do feel as if it's helping.
Also, I find I'm stubbornly hanging on to the ~10 pounds I let myself regain over the summer. I decided to join BLC23 Challenge and deal with that.
But today, I found myself pondering how much I'd slacked off this summer, because I knew we'd be tight financially and unable to afford new clothes. Most of what I own is on the loose side now; did I go (unsuccessfully) into maintenance mode in order to guarantee that I wouldn't move from loose to downright baggy. I think there's a lot to that. Fortunately, I've managed to spatter paint on my go-to long pants (Solumbra sunscreen fabric) and bleach on my go-to shorts (Lands' End sport knit). I felt sorry for myself in May and June, knowing I couldn't get new ones, and I think I just let that take me into some unhealthy slacking off. So, next summer I buy replacements, no matter what.
I'm also aware of how much I jiggle on top when I walk. (Sorry if that's TMI). Again, I've been increasingly aware of how ill-fitting my bras are. I learned how to measure properly when I had a professional fitting some eight years ago. I bought some pretty snazzy bras that day, one of which rapidly became my absolute favorite EVER in terms of look, fit, and how I felt wearing it. I've kept it in my drawer though weight gains and losses. It's hopelessly out of shape, of course, and I'm sure not the right size even if it were in mint condition. Even though I've measured, I've made a point of buying cheap ones. So today, when I got home, I wrote my BLC goals. I put down that I WILL get another professional fitting in the last couple of weeks of the challenge, and I plan to SPLUGE on a couple of bras that do for me what that one did.
I also spent some time thinking about progress emotionally since I blogged last spring about being a survivor of preteen/teen incest at the hands of my oldest brother. I'll never be completely over it, of course, because there are ways in which that permanently changed me. But I've made some giant steps toward not letting it define me.
When I registered yesterday for BLC23, I could feel myself almost trembling with fear/uncertainty about whether or not I was ready for this. Then I started trying to navigate what I need to get through even before the challenge officially kicks off late this month, and I struggled off and on with the feeling that I'd bitten off more than I could chew and should resign from it. But I'd pledged not to, so I didn't. This morning I found myself feeling ready to do this. Now I'm waiting to grow into feeling like I can't wait. I'd like to get that sense of anticipation, but I'll see it through even if I never do.
Enough to reflect on for one day.