The Ups and the Downs
Friday, September 06, 2013
All in all, I think it was a good day. For most of it I was happy and walking tall...you know that "Look at me, I look good, I am happy, I am confident" kinda walking tall. But then there was that girl tonight in the store, and although she was nice enough I walked out of that store feeling much lower and very down. I'm still trying to not let her have the power to bring me down, but it is really difficult.
So here was my day.
Slept in...ahhhh! Ran 5.2 miles in 61 mins (couldn't believe that I ran that long or that far, it just felt easy and with the cool air I just kept going. I only stopped because hubby had the day off and was waiting for me at home). Legs didn't hurt!
Put on size 12 jeans, fit great...put on Medium top, also fits. Fixed hair, makeup, jewlery...Ahhhh...felt good...happy.
Spent the day shopping with hubby and made wise food choices for lunch and when we went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner, we split one order and drank water. I felt good with our choice and confident that we made the best decision we could.
Walked around the mall and then hubby wanted to go into Unnamed trendy store. This trendy store I haven't been in in years and never even considered looking at for me, but tonight I thought "why not" I was feeling good. So in we went.
There was this girl working, tall skinny girl with hair that she obviously straightened with a flat iron. She approached my teenage daughter and me several times with her over zealous "Can I help you"s and "Let me tell you about our products". I'm polite, I've worked retail before and so I tend to be very forgiving. But then on our way out of the store, this same sales girl came up with cards for each of us with our "style recommendations" circled on them for when we return. My daughters said something like "regular" (she and I wear almost the same size mind you)... mine said "curvy" and something like "big star". My heart sunk. Curvy...big...Those are the words people and companies reserve to not "offend" overweight people.
I'm wishing now that I never went in there, i haven't said much since then, I'm trying to not let it eat at me. I know that there is no way that girl could know that I have worked my butt off for 8 months to lose 41lbs...that yes, while I am not in single digit clothes I didn't feel fat then....now I feel fat.
I found myself looking in all the mirrors and all the windows through the mall to see if I really was still "fat". I get it, I know that I shouldn't let her get me down and I know that I will probably feel fine in the morning. But right now, I'm just hurt and I don't know that I will be all that nice to the next sales person I meet when I walk back into that store.