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I don't want to hide anymore...

Friday, September 06, 2013

I know that I'm addicted to food, I have been for as long as I can remember, I would do anything for a candy bar or an extra piece of cake, I remember putting all of the frosting packets from the toaster strudels on just two of them and then blaming my brother, I also remember eating the things that my friends didn't want from their lunches when I was in elementary school.
As I got older and had the money to buy my own food I would go crazy at the grocery store, I would buy all of the things that I begged my mom to buy or the things that I had to share with people, I bought them all for myself. I would buy a whole dutch apple pie, a carrot cake or a big box of cookies, then I would eat them in my car or smuggle them into my bedroom and eat them over the next few days. My mom was overweight as well, but she often made fun of me for my size and what I ate, so did my brother who skinny, so I learned to hide and hoard food.
I remember on payday when I would cash my check sometimes I would stop at one or two fast food restaurants, maybe go to the grocery store and get all kinds of fattening, sugary goodies and then spend the night wallowing in my hatred of myself for not being able to control myself.
I live with my boydriend of seven years and he's great to me, never makes a comment about my weight, quite the opposite, really, but he does know that we need top eat better. If we go to the store and I buy some ice cream he will comment if I need to get the cupcakes that I may have grabbed as well, he would never tell me that I can't have them, just reminds me that I shouldn't. I don't drive because I have epilepsy, but I do have a CVS within walking distance and I've been known to wander up there when my boyfriend is at work and buy half of the stores' sugary snacks and then hide them in my yarn bin.
I DO NOT want to keep doing this, I know that I cannot deprive myself of sweets all together or I will go right back to my wicked ways, I'm doing my best to not let this start up again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    i used to hide junk food too. i have started to make a point to put that stuff where my hubby can see it. he doesn't eat it, but i want to stop feeling like i need to hide it.
    1626 days ago
    Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do, still have things that might be sweet, but good for me as well, like Greek yogurt with some mini chocolate chips or whole grain waffles with blueberries and a little bit of honey, that's been satisfying me lately. So, I'm trying to make sure that I really enjoy what I'm eating and thinking about how much better I feel.
    1626 days ago
    Maybe you could set yourself a reward program to where you can have one sugary snack when you lose 5 pounds. I know people will say we shouldn't reward ourselves with food, but I learned something by doing this. Pop was my weakness and I would drink 5 to 6 of them a day, so one day I bought a can at work and I said nope I am not going to drink that can until I lose 10 pounds. I would see that can every day I would go to work as a reminder that I could have it when I lost the weight. This gave me a push to lose weight because I wanted that pop. Amazingly though when I finally reached that 10 pounds I didn't have the same desire to drink pop like I did when I started and when I was finally able to drink it the pop tasted different. It didn't have the same satisfaction as before and I got to the point where I wanted it less and less. I do still drink pop today but not every day. I think you can even get there with the sugary snacks, in the meantime replace the sugary snacks with fruit. Maybe you are just craving something sweet, and maybe fruit can satisfy that craving. Keep us posted.
    1626 days ago
    I think facing your problem is a very important part. I, too, have eaten unbelievable amounts of junk food in a day or couple days. I don't have any fabulous advice for you, I wish I did. Everyday is a battle, but we will win it one day at a time!

    1626 days ago
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