Friday, September 06, 2013
Not particularly sure yet if it's good or bad news...it's more on the fence news. My HCG has dropped nearly 1000 points in two days. However, I am not in pain, or having any loss symptoms at the moment so Doctor wants to wait and I'll return Monday.
Come Monday things will go one of two ways...my numbers have gone back up and then we will recheck the sonogram and go from that OR my numbers have gone down yet more and if I am still not having loss symptoms another D&C is order because it will be considered another partial molar pregnancy and it becomes dangerous to me (they have a slim chance of becoming cancerous).
Now, the part of the news that I am currently scouring the endless internet for...egg quality. Doctor wants me to start considering egg quality. He wasn't horribly in depth about it yet because he says there are lots more tests to be run before we rule that as the culprit.
What have I surmised so far about egg health? Things like fertility massage, avoiding xenohormones (pesticides, plastic, soy based products) and be more organic. Well, the organic is probably not that do able because of location/money/issues in general. We live in the sticks where produce is produce and if you ask a farmer at our farmer's market "is this organic?" They look at you like you asked them to find the square root of 8,345 or something and our other choice is WM...and ya know they are just teeming with decent produce *read with sarcasm*.
Am I devastated? Honestly not really. As my husband as I discussed before we stress out about trying again we really need to finish up our house projects and make our home inviting for another life. As it is now it's perfectly fine around here for adults but seriously I would not want a child around power tools in the house, boxes of nails, screws, paint cans, random piles of laundry (we essentially live in what would look to unknowing eyes as a bachelor pad) and the water room is a total dangerous mess piled up with boards and all 9 dogs (while I love being near them, they need their own space away from where a baby would be).
I am not willing to give up hope yet!!! I would not keep getting pregnant if we can not some day have a baby! But, our life is not as ready as we feel like we are. It's good motivation for me to finish my projects and quit being a lazy butt that is content with leaving things half finished (I'm soooo bad about half finishing things). If I want to even consider trying again I really need to make sure that everything is inviting in the possibility of success.
My new goal: GET MY BUTT IN GEAR! I have plenty of things I NEED to do and really HAVE to do if I even want to think about having a baby. I have no right to try and have a child if I'm going to be a lazy blob that only does half the cleaning or half the laundry or doesn't even bother to make the bed. I can do better! I have to do better!