Friday, September 06, 2013
I feel like it's been a long time since I've been THIS excited for a weekend where I am not even going anywhere! I have seriously been struggling this week. I know it's because I was away for 11 days, came back late at night, and had to go to work the next morning. So my house is still a mess, I havent been able to really create a weekly plan - and to be honest, I am exhausted so I dont feel motivated to do anything, which means instead of cooking (despite having gone grocery shopping the other day) I have been getting crap food to eat for dinner. :/ I still havent even unpacked from my vacation! Normally, unpacking is crappy for me because it means TONS of laundry that need to be done. But I had actually done all of my laundry at my parents' house before coming back, so I just need to empty the suitcase out and put away my clean clothes. My kitchen looks like a bomb exploded because there's stuff all over the kitchen counters and table. My dog has apparenty taken every single one of her toys out of the basket that I keep them in, so the basket is now empty and toys are everywhere. Not to mention, before I went on vacation, she broke her playpen so I cant even keep her enclosed in it during the day, and twice this week she has gone to the bathroom in the house while I was at work (not yesterday, thankfully!). Phew. This has been a ridiculous week!
This weekend, I am committing to:
1) unpacking from vacation
2) cleaning off the kitchen counters/kitchen table
3) putting away dog toys and vaccuuming the floors
4) meal planning and batchcooking for the week
5) re-organizing my craft room (including a trip to Ikea)
6) running 8-10 miles
Ok, that sounds like a lot. So much for a relaxing weekend? I think it wont take as long as it seems it will.
The unpacking shouldnt take more than 10 minutes. Clean clothes - remember? That should be simple.
The kitchen counters mostly just have food on them (in containers) that need to be put away in the pantry and then a quick scrub down. Shouldnt take more than 15-20 minutes, really. The kitchen table mostly just has papers that can be thrown away, and some mail to sort.
The dog toys and vacuuming also shouldnt take more than 15-20 minutes. My living room isnt ridiculously large or anything!
Meal planning itself can sometimes be time consuming if I am looking for new recipes to make - I admit I can spend hours doing this. :/ But I have a few ideas already, and hoping to break out one of my cookbooks for some additional ideas. Searching my cookbooks is generally less time consuming than searching online (especially pinterest!). The grocery shopping doesnt generally take long when I have a list. And I can cook while doing other things around the house (like watching Season 4 of the Vampire Diaries which just arrived yesterday from Amazon!)
Re-organizing my craft room. So excited about this! I literally spent 2 weeks pre-vacation obsessing about doing this and trying to find the different furniture I would need without breaking the bank. I finally decided on my go-to Ikea because I can get a corner desk with more space than I have now, a nicer desk chair, and a modular bookshelf for about $300 (rather htan spending like $700 on just a desk). This will probably be the most-time consuming (and exciting) part of my weekend - Ikea is about an hour away, but I am heading up there already knowing where everything is located so I dont end up walking through the entire store. Putting the furniture together will take a while, and so will re-organizing. But I am really looking forward to this, and hoping J will help a bit, even if he just helps at the store, getting things into my car because those boxes are heavy! He doesnt really like going to Ikea but I am hoping he will help.
I also need to get in a long run of 8-10 miles. I havent run at all since I've been back in town so that might suck, but I might go for a short run after work just to loosen up my legs a big, depending on how I feel. Planning to do the long run first thing Saturday morning while it is still in the 60s - ideal running weather!
Finally yoga. Ugh. My therapist says I need to do yoga 3x week. I have yet to do it at all this week. Can you tell how difficult this homework assignment is for me? I am thinking about doing it after my run Saturday (and today if I get a run in). It cant hurt, and it's only 20 minutes. That's what I will tell myself anyway.
My therapist made an interesting and accurate observation of me at our session on Tuesday. He said I am ambivalent about making changes in my life. I obviously went there to ask for help to change my behavior, and yet I dont actually want to actively do anything to make a change. I think anyone who knows me will know this is fairly true. I will talk, talk, talk about wanting to make changes, but then not really do anything about it - especially if it seems too difficult or too much work.
I definitely know I do this a lot with my work life. I dont want to be overly stressed with work, but its way too much effort for me to teach someone how to do my job, than for me to just do it myself. I feel like that sounds really egotistical of me to say I am better at doing something - I dont mean it to come across that way, but I think I do a good job and I generally dont trust other people to do my work for me. Which will make me a horrible supervisor, and I am REALLY trying to fix this - in fact, I am letting my paralegal do an initial client intake today - which really scares me, but if I dont let her do it, we'll never know if she can do it, and she'll never learn, and I will continue to be overly stressed while she is overly bored. *sigh*
But I also noticed recently that this is how I feel about my weight loss, too. I want to lose the rest of the weight I gained last year (10 more pounds), and I think about it, and talk about it, and write about it. But I dont actively make the changes I know I should make. If you keep doing the same things over and over again, you will just end up getting the same results. So I really need to remember this in all aspects of my life. If I want to lose weight, I have to actively eat better, make time for my workouts, etc.
I had my second dance class last night - this time it was a jazz class. It was even harder last night to make it to class. I got home from work around 5pm, ate some crap food, and then wanted to veg out on my couch until bedtime. At 6:30 I started come up with every excuse imaginable not to go. But seriously, it was my first jazz class - who skips on the first day? And I am paying money to do this - $72 per month for 2 classes each week. That's a good amount of money. So I went. And I had so much fun! I couldnt even believe that I was trying to find excuses not to go! This just shows you how weak mentally I can be. (or lazy). This dance class was much more technical. We spent a good amount of time doing turns and leaps across the floor. Gosh its been forever since I've done that! I was a bit dizzy for sure! I was also a bit rusty, but everyone commented that they could tell I had dance training so that made me feel better, too. I am really glad I decided to take these classes. And thats a guaranteed 2 hours of workouts per week!
The point is - I need to really gather that mental focus and energy to really make the changes that I know I need to make. I WANT to make them - otherwise I wouldnt be going to therapy. I guess that's the first step. My therapist says that if I run into my own mental challenge to myself then I am obviously working hard at making changes. I guess everyone goes through this. I am glad I am getting the help I need. But I know in order to make changes, I have to be the one who makes those changes - no one else can do it for me.
My stomach is bothering me still :/ I feel like maybe a day or two it will get better, and then it will go back to hurting again. Eating crappy doesnt help, but even when I eat well it still bothers me. I have a doctors appointment next Friday because I want to get to the root of my ailments. Particularly my constantly tiredness and my stomach problems. I am going to ask for full blood work to be done - including vitamin/hormone deficiencies and thyroid levels. I dont know if there is anything wrong at all, but I am at the point where I just want to them to check everything they can. I also want to discuss food intolerances and maybe get a referral to a nutritionist. I think I may have a gluten intolerance. But I dont want to do a gluten elimination until I've had a chance to discuss it with a doctor or nutritionist first. So we'll see how that goes.
Ok I think I have rambled enough for today, and I need to get back to writing my motion anyway. Plus my outlook keeps freezing so I think I need to restart the whole computer. Fun. Have a great weekend!