Thursday, September 05, 2013
So things have just been crazy lately. I have been working two jobs all summer in an attempt to get my salon clientele built back up enough that I can go back to just being a hairstylist. Office jobs just aren't for me. I am really not cut out to sit at a desk all day.
So I am working Mon-Fri from 8-5 at my desk job and working sometimes several nights a week and on Sunday at a room in a salon that I am renting. So I am exhausted and trying my best to still squeeze in some exercise and make good choices with my food.
It has definitely been a struggle at times. I have moments of completely breaking down emotionally and feeling like I have taken on more than I can handle. The bf and I have had a few problems the past few months too which has been hard. It hasn't been anything huge, its just very un-like us to be so snippy with each other and being so...distant at times. I know that it is just stress on both sides because he has been dealing with a lot himself, but it has been hard. It isn't the biggest problem by far, just one more needle on the haystack. Through it all I finally found the "stress that causes me to not eat"....
What?!?! I had always heard people say this and never understood it because I always eat badly when stressed. But the last few weeks it seems as if each time I get really stressed out, I suddenly have no desire to eat. I know in my head it is not healthy, but I just can't. There is this lump in the back of my throat that makes me feel as if I will gag if I even attempt to ingest anything other than liquids. I never knew what that was until recently and I suddenly understand that it is real and I shouldn't judge those people who say that they have lost weight due to stress because it is a very real thing.
Of course....at the same time, when the office had major drama today and the world was swirling around me threatening to cave in, I suddenly wanted nothing more than a big cheeseburger and a frappuccino (this was due to a coworker walking in with 3 at that exact moment). So the urge still lurks somewhere under it all, but for the most part lately food has been very unappealing when I have been stressed out.
Part of me is sort of grateful because at least it seems to have curbed any weight gain through all of it. But more than anything I just want to feel like things are going to work out and that everything will be ok in the end. I just want a little bit of a break and for things to start to look bright and shiny again. I don't think that is asking too much...but maybe it is. Who knows.
Gonna go home and go to Meet the Teacher with my kids and then go home and get my run in, maybe watch some tv before gratefully passing out. I will stop my whining now and hopefully this wasn't too depressing....