Thursday, September 05, 2013
Is that I keep trying- right?
I've been away from Spark for a while (Apparently, three years!) and I think I fell off the wagon rather hard. I think I'm back up to the weight that unnerves me- 260. I could blame a bunch of things, events, people- but I won't!
I won't even bug them for help, the people around me. Sure, they love me and would want to see me get healthy, but I think some things are better left done rather than said- I've often said things I want to do and have done less than I would have liked. I wonder what I could happen to me with my goals if I said less and did more.
My goals are my own. The people who can support me will. I'll fall, again, perhaps- but I don't want anyone else to feel at fault. This is something I want to do for myself. I want to get healthy, I want to trim up, I want to learn to swim in four years- I want these things for me.
I'm going to consider my goals and ways I can make them happen that would involve prompting myself to do more rather than wait on others to prompt me. I am going to go about things as mindfully as possible, examining my drives toward food and away from fitness, exploring my cravings and desires and see if there is any way I can manage these concerns more skillfully.
I hope that I can prompt myself toward a fair turn around and into a much more healthy life and body than I've allowed myself to have. I could use some support, sure, but I intend to appreciate the support I get rather than make it a necessity in my life and require it of people, here and at home.
Thank you for your time and attention.