Thursday, September 05, 2013
I feel like 99% of my thoughts lately are about my weight. I keep thinking of where I am and how far to go and how many pounds until I reach ___ milestone.
Once I reach the 140s I will be at the lowest weight since 2011. I remember because that's basically the last time I went outside to spend time with people or when I enjoyed shopping. After I crossed the 150 line... I stopped living. For the past two years I have been going to work all day at a job I hated and coming back to a dark house where I drank until I passed out. Repeat the next day. I was so severely depressed that nothing could get me to care. I was forced to having my wedding at 160 lbs and I can't even look at the photos. I can't recall a time where I even went to see a movie. Going to the mall gives me such anxiety I almost always have to use a sedative.
I'm so close. So close to life. I hunger for my life. 9.2 lbs away.
110 days left.