I can't believe that it's been a month since I've blogged on here. The previous blog was about August goals; truth be told, I did not stay dedicated to them. In fact, I haven't had any motivation to be healthy because of this nagging feeling of regret and failure regarding my foot injury and weight gain. No matter how hard I try to forgive myself, I can't. I was *so* close to my goal I could taste it. Because of this, I chose to take a hiatus from Spark People. In reality, I've allowed myself to just be which was refreshing.
During that period, I ran about once every two weeks. (Mind you, I have two races coming up.)
Last weekend, BJ and I headed to Columbia to watch the South Carolina-North Carolina football game -- the first of the season. Even though I was still in my workout funk, I decided to pack workout clothes just in case. I'm so very glad I did.
On Thursday morning, I set out for a run around Columbia. I always love running here because I get to see Carolina Stadium which is an inspiration because of players dedication and hard work. Anyways, I ran over two miles, and it was one of the best runs I have had. I ended that run feeling on top of the world.
Since that run, I have kept up with fitness - Zumba, walks, runs, Yoga, etc. I realized how much I missed it. In fact, I even made goals for myself - I want to run a 10K by my birthday (April 2014) and I want to run a half marathon either by October 2014 (if possible) or February 2015. I feel not only motivated but determined.
As for eating, I refuse to stress about it. I'm going to do the best I can. Some days, I will eat great. Other days, I might have a big meal or eat fast food. I'm learning that I am not perfect, and there's no such thing as a perfect situation. Life will get busy. So, I'll celebrate the victories even if they are small; I will learn lessons from meals I don't feel too good about.
Lastly, I'm letting go of the scale because of the harm it can do. For example, I weighed myself the other day, and I had gained a pound. I almost quit. But then I took a step back and realized that the number doesn't define who I am. I have a wonderful body that's meant to run and be amazing. Don't get me wrong -- this way of thinking isn't easy. It's a constant struggle for me after years of self-hatred; however it's worth it because of the freedom it provides -- the freedom to enjoy the life I have been given.