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Late Night 9/4

Thursday, September 05, 2013

Ben Affleck is the new Batman. And Miley Cyrus is apparently the new Lindsay Lohan. -Jay Leno

People are still talking about that over-the-top Miley Cyrus performance at the VMAs last Sunday. Why couldn’t Kanye West interrupt that? -Jay Leno

Wal-Mart will soon begin offering benefits for their employees' same-sex partners. How about that? Finally a company looking out for the interests of gay and lesbian Chinese factory workers!-Jay Leno

John Kerry said it's "undeniable" that the president of Syria is using weapons of mass destruction. Kerry said President Obama needs to build a coalition of countries and attack soon, no matter what others might say. Today former President George Bush said, “Hey, good luck with that. Let me know how it works out.” -Jay Leno

The owner of an ice cream truck named Snow Cone Joe was arrested for allegedly stalking his rival truck, called Mr. Ding-a-Ling. It's being called the saddest turf war ever. -Conan O'Brien

A company in California has started selling a new cologne that smells like whiskey. I think my dad's been wearing that cologne for 40 years. -Jimmy Fallon

A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers understanding hand gestures and learning words. It's actually a secret IQ test for humans. If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed. -Jimmy Kimmel
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