Tuesday, September 03, 2013
The HandsomeMan and I just spent two and a half days DOING NOTHING. Not nothing, as in
'I wonder if the neighbors next door are dead? Bob, have you seen Steph or Ray?'. lolol. We had our FIRST, OFFICIAL STAY-cation as a couple :-).
We did stuff....just unimportant and fun stuff...lots of napping, which is always awesome, and a few movies. We took Smokey on a couple adventures where he got wet and dirty, his two favorite things, and we even had adult time away from the doggy. I got to go out to lunch at my favorite locals-only hang out, The Kona Beach Cafe, under the tiki roof with a burger and a few beers. It was glorious...really nice...and so very needed after the past year of 6-7 day work-weeks at our day-jobs, the responsibilities surrounding our businesses and never-ending family obligations.
But during this same span of time, I became strangely aware of what I hope is a new reality for me with food. I WAS ON VACATION (in my mind, even if it meant staying in my neighborhood...lol) and I didn't ONCE think...LET'S EAT EVERYTHING!!!
For me...food was always associated with FUN. Food, too often WAS the entertainment...especially on holidays and vacation. And none of that happened this weekend. In fact, when that devil who likes to tap us on the shoulder and pose all kinds of inappropriate questions showed up, my response to his digging was...'ARE YOU CRAZY? I'm trying to ENJOY myself here!'
For the fist time in a very long time, I knew that food would DESTROY my good time...lolol. That kind of amazed me.
And believe it or not, on the flip side, despite the good time we had with one another, some very difficult things had to be dealt with this weekend. Ray and I made the decision to close The Soap Box at the end of September. Smokey was bitten by a rogue dog in the neighborhood, whose owners permit him to wander all over, unattended far too frequently. We got an offer on the short sale of our home, making our displacement all the more real and closer than my DP (I'm using the non-gender-specific 'dear partner') would like to face.
So when my retort of 'are you crazy...?' came flying out of my mind to the little devil, shockingly, he had a retort of his own...
'But everything's going to sh*t around you. You have every right to eat. You're supposed to be upset!'
And it was then that I made a wonderful realization that NOW,...in my SPARKPEOPLE RECOVERY LIFE...FOOD IS NEVER THE ANSWER, no matter WHAT'S happening! I've worked hard to get where I am today...inside and outside. I LOVE me...I love recovering...I love the Presence I have! FOOD WOULD TAKE THAT AWAY WITH THE FIRST COMPULSIVE BITE!!!
I believe wholeheartedly in the DAILY reprieve I get by working this program one day and one meal at a time. I am FULLY aware that I only get relief from the ravages of food addiction when I am actively recovering. I don't get to MAKE IT. I don't save up abstinence. It is a work in progress ALWAYS. But I would like to think that based on this weekend, my MIND and my IDEAS about food may be changing for the better.
Food's not the boss today. It doesn't make ANYTHING better today. It isn't a REWARD today. And FOOD will NEVER make anything difficult disappear! Only PRESENCE makes difficulty disappear. That miracle happens when I accept and surrender...then POOF...all my 'problems' are GONE!!! :-). Food is the OPPOSITE of acceptance and surrender. Food is DENYING and DELAYING...the OPPOSITE of Presence!
I'm not even trying to CONVINCE myself of this right now. I BELIEVE this...I KNOW this...like I believe and know oxygen and Co2 are exchanged with every breath I breathe. It's not an opinion; it is a FACT! And I couldn't be more grateful for arriving at this reality! Food isn't FUN...it's the EXACT OPPOSITE, whenever I abuse it!
I had a WONDERFUL vacation...a vacation from all sorts of things :-)