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Tuesday, September 03, 2013

After my first chemo got unexpectedly delayed last week, Jim and I initially thought we would try to take a quick vacation somewhere. Once I realized it was Labor Day weekend and that it would probably be hard to book something last minute, Jim and I decided to stay home. It actually worked out for the best as far as I'm concerned. We have a beautiful view out out back windows that people pay to go on vacation to come to see, so I felt like it made more sense to enjoy our own little piece of heaven than spend money to go someplace else. We have spent A LOT of time driving places these last couple months between our move to Tennessee, two bicycling vacations in June and July, and all the trips we have made to Vanderbilt since I got diagnosed. I have no desire right now to spend time traveling.

So, we had a nice quiet weekend at home. I had my mother over for lunch on Sunday and I met up with some women I'm becoming friends with here after my mom had left. Monday, I just lazed around and had a nice long conversation with my son on the phone.

Even though I'm starting chemo on Thursday, I decided to get one last haircut today. From what I've read about the particular chemo I'm getting, I can expect my hair to start falling out in about two weeks. Most people go completely bald with this chemo (and the one I'll be getting after that). Even so, I thought I would feel better if I had a good haircut for the next couple weeks. I think I'm going to look funny without hair. I'm kind of leaning toward soft knitted caps rather than wigs over the winter. I'm thinking they will be more comfortable. We'll see...

If anyone that has been though chemo and went bald has any tips or advice, I'd be interested in what worked out best for you. I've looked at wigs on line, but so far, I haven't located a place nearby to try them on. I think I'll ask at the infusion center at Vanderbilt when I go on Thursday.

I'll probably find out tomorrow if I'm getting the experimental drug as part of a clinical trial I'm in. While I would rather get the drug than not, I have mixed feelings about it. Since it's something I have no control over, my plan is to just be okay with it no matter which group I'm in.

I've joined a "Triple Negative Breast Cancer" forum on-line. It has been a big help in reading about other women's journeys with triple negative breast cancer. It's a scary diagnosis so it's nice to know I'm not the only one that flipped out I got diagnosed.

I still flip out about it at times. It seems like that happens most when I'm tired. I've learned the best thing to do when it happens is let Jim know or phone a close friend. The worst thing I can do is just keep my fears to myself. When I let someone else know how I'm feeling, they can help me put things in perspective and I always feel better. I'm fortunate to have a couple sister-in-laws that have been a huge help in that regard.

When I'm going through a "sinking spell", I also try to remind myself that it's just "feelings" and feelings aren't permanent....they always pass. Another thing I do to try to comfort myself is to do some small task around the house or in the garden to take my mind off of things. Walking outdoors is also a good thing that has helped many times over the last month. It helps me work things out in my head somehow and I always come home feeling better than when I left.

I feel grateful that I have such good support around me. It is a huge help. My wonderful SparkPeople community is a wonderful source of support and I thank each and every one of you for your words of encouragement. I can't tell you how much that means to me.


Life is good!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think you will look adorable in a knit cap. Darn...wish I knew how to knit. I used to crochet a little and did knit some scarves out of all that cool new yarn. They have wigs that look just like the real deal. It will be fun for you to check into that option. The most important thing is just to remember this is all just temporary! I am sending you a fantastic article on triple negative results that responded well for the patient taking Olaparib. I'll get it in the mail the next free minute I have! Love are going to be just fine. When you have scary thoughts...swat them away...thoughts are only in the NOW...and you will be just fine! Have you read Eckhard Tolle...he has some fab stuff to say about thoughts and feelings.

    Love you...hugs! emoticon emoticon You can spark mail me ANY time...I'm here for know that! emoticon
    1652 days ago
  • OWL_20
    I really like this blog--so positive! I have a friend who had Adriamycin for his cancer (lymphoma) and we shaved his head beforehand because he knew he was going to lose it. The odd thing was the dog started to lose her hair at the same time. I thought it was maybe a sympathetic thing since they were very close (but it turned out to be the mange--lol). Anyway, guys are a bit different although girls now go baldheaded as well. The knit caps sound so comfortable, much more so than wigs--but I have no practical experience myself. Hope you find something that feels comfortable. emoticon
    1654 days ago
    I like your strategy for the flip out times...words to remember. Glad to be able to walk through this with you, Kay...blessings, Michelle
    1654 days ago
  • MISSG180
    Good for you, staying home and enjoying your own back yard. I'm taking a lot of comfort from your positive attitude.
    1654 days ago
    I just love your positive attitude! I am so happy that what you are doing seems to be working.

    Thank you so much for sharing your journey, you are truly an inspiration.
    1654 days ago
    if you were local, I'd send you my chemo package, in essence its a bucket that contains, a baseball cap, mints, cracker snacks, a sudoko or similar game book, magazine, a journal and fun pen.
    Sometimes it's hard to keep positive, and hopefully you have friends to help.

    Best to you & Jim on this unexpected journey.

    Even though your spark friends are not with you in person, we are all praying and thinking of you each day.
    1654 days ago
  • MICHELE142
    Good going on the clinical Trial. Use that trial to your advantage and carry what is learned through the rest of your Life. Stay strong and get yourself healthier. The spirit of follow Sparkers will be with you through your Journey.

    1655 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/3/2013 10:46:44 PM

    We are your Spark family and anytime you need to vent or talk
    hop on here and we will listen and offer what support we can.

    My Sisterinlaw is going to have followup chemo unless she changes
    her mind again, and they did tell her she would lose her hair, so she
    has thought she will wear the little knittie caps and caps when she
    goes out.

    Let us know how we can help...

    1655 days ago
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    1655 days ago
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    1655 days ago
    I am glad that you had a quiet weekend and enjoyed your view. Anytime is a good time to relax and regroup, regardless of what is and isn't going on.
    I do not know anyone that's gone through what you are going through nor have I ever "met" someone with your great attitude and positive-ness (if this is a word). As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers and look forward to meeting you someday. emoticon
    1655 days ago
    I lost all my hair to chemo 10 years ago. I had a couple of wigs, but even in the winter, they felt too warm, but if you do go with a wig, they are a lot more comfortable if you wear a wig liner underneath, I found some cheap on Ebay.

    If there is an American Cancer Society near you, they often have free wigs, and some salons will trim them to suit your face for free. I got a couple from the Paula Young catalog. You can request free hair color swatches before ordering, and if you do order a wig and decide you don't like it, it can be returned as long as you haven't taken the tags off.

    I was more comfortable wearing scarves though, and at bedtime, I got a light weight terry cloth turban to wear. One thing I found surprising that even in the summer, my bald head would get chilly at night.

    I got a very nice headcover for free from the France Luxe company. I don't think Spark will let me post a link in the blog comments, so I will send you link in a Spark mail.
    1655 days ago
    wow i just love your positive thoughts....i send you healing thoughts ....need to say thanks...for sharing your powerful thoughts...
    1655 days ago
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