Obsessed with the Goal, & . . . I HAVE FLAWS (sigh)
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Point 1: I'm obsessed with my goal weight number. Obsessing about life at goal weight allows me to be in denial of my personality today.
Point 2: There are parts of my personality that I REALLY DON'T LIKE. I very often come across as cold, condescending, unstable, and . . . (drum roll) . . . rude. Sometimes, yes, I am these things.
I have GOT to learn to love myself unconditionally and not hide behind the illusion that I'll just be a lovable people magnet when I reach my goal weight. I will have the same interpersonal difficulties at goal weight that I have now, but instead I just won't have the excuse anymore that "they just don't like me because I'm fat." Instead, "they" won't like me because I'm . . . me.
I've got to start getting okay with the fact that I am not perfect and that, yes--FLASHING NEON SIGN--SOME PEOPLE WON'T LIKE ME. Yes, I'm working on my character defects, but I make mistakes oh, about every half hour. And that's okay. Or at least, if it's not okay, it's reality for today.
I think that the alternative way to thinking about my weight loss is to stay in TODAY and to stay focused on what I am grateful for TODAY, the goals I want to achieve TODAY (and perhaps this week), and to be grateful for my increasing health TODAY.