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    CLEARNIGHTSKY   22,310
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Obsessed with the Goal, & . . . I HAVE FLAWS (sigh)

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Point 1: I'm obsessed with my goal weight number. Obsessing about life at goal weight allows me to be in denial of my personality today.

Point 2: There are parts of my personality that I REALLY DON'T LIKE. I very often come across as cold, condescending, unstable, and . . . (drum roll) . . . rude. Sometimes, yes, I am these things.

I have GOT to learn to love myself unconditionally and not hide behind the illusion that I'll just be a lovable people magnet when I reach my goal weight. I will have the same interpersonal difficulties at goal weight that I have now, but instead I just won't have the excuse anymore that "they just don't like me because I'm fat." Instead, "they" won't like me because I'm . . . me.

I've got to start getting okay with the fact that I am not perfect and that, yes--FLASHING NEON SIGN--SOME PEOPLE WON'T LIKE ME. Yes, I'm working on my character defects, but I make mistakes oh, about every half hour. And that's okay. Or at least, if it's not okay, it's reality for today.

SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH

BREATHE.

I think that the alternative way to thinking about my weight loss is to stay in TODAY and to stay focused on what I am grateful for TODAY, the goals I want to achieve TODAY (and perhaps this week), and to be grateful for my increasing health TODAY.

Again, SSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGHHHHHHH

BREATHE.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GHK1962 9/3/2013 4:43PM

    It can sometimes be hard not to concentrate on getting to the long term goal. It can be hard wanting to be able to exercise for a certain lenght of time, lift certain amount of weights at the gym, ride a certain distance.

It can be hard to see the incremental gains (or loss regarding weight), etc.

But ... incremental goals are good. Just like getting more proficient at other things...riding, eating habits, math, etc ... it takes practice. So does getting proficient at setting and being happy with the intermediate goals. Just keep trying ... it will get easier. You'll probably fall back at times...then you'll pick yourself up again. In time ... you find ... "oh...I have come a long way."

As for the other aspects of life ... people liking you, being a better person, etc ... that can take practice too. Just try not to beat yourself up too much over it.

And ... if you do end up beating yourself up a bit...then I would say, don't feel bad about that either.

Things will start to come together ... just don't stop trying.

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MADEIT3 9/3/2013 4:05PM

    Oh my dear one - breathe indeed! It's very difficult to focus on where you are today. One thing that's always helped me is to make a "Done It!" list rather than a "To-Do" list. I get to focus on what I've accomplished rather than everything I still have to do - and that has worked with me for losing weight also.

As for how you think of yourself - you do know that you're calling yourself all kinds of unkind names? Please don't!! I used to beat myself up for being fat, for being rude, for not caring enough, for not getting along well with others - and then I started saying to myself "You're just an ordinary person." Sorta took the pressure off! So now, I am free to see that an ordinary number of ordinary people like me - some even love me. And I get to be okay with that!

Here's hoping that something in all this rambling Spark lets me do will help you be just who you are supposed to be.

Hugs!!



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