Thatís a terrible title isnít it? Thatís a terrible for sentence, as well. It is what it is and I am hoping that when I get this all out of my system that something positive will surface. This is how I blog or I write. I ramble and eventually have an epiphany and maybe a lesson learned. I havenít blogged a lot lately so some of you may not recognize my name or my face. Let me introduce you to me.
ďHi my name is Chelle, JustChelle, or sometimes even Michelle.Ē I joined Weight Watcherís and Sparkpeople on the very same day. That day was January 17, 2011. Thatís the day I have dubbed my healthiversary. Thatís the day I stopped dieting and I started to just live healthy. Itís such a simple concept that so many want to try to not do. We so often look for the get thin quick scheme and go for the temporary results that we neglect to realize that if we want to be the best person we can be physically and mentally that itís a 365 day 224 hour a day journey. I started my lifestyle change slowly by counting points, modifying the things I ate, reading articles on Spark and getting support from the Spark groups as well as my Weight Watcherís meetings. I also started walking slowly. The weight came off and I became stronger and was doing more.
labor day 2010
In May of 2011, my husband and I walked/ trotted my first 5k. It was a Weight Watcherís event. I was dreadfully slow, but I felt so empowered because I did it and I had so much support. June of 2011, I saw a lottery for the Houston Aramco Half Marathon. My friends who didnít really get how out of shape I had been encouraged me to go for it. I asked my husband if he would do it with me and help me, and he agreed. We made the cut.
September 2011, I had lost 60 lbs and was still overweight. I was obsessed with an infomercial for a workout called Insanity. I didnít think I could do it so I didnít order it. One weekend my husband went to check the mail and came back with a box for me. He had ordered Insanity for me. Iím not sure if he even realizes that he had more faith in me than I had in myself. We did the program together. I joined A Biggest Loser challenge at the same time. I met some great supporters there in a group called the Spies. I would personally like to thank, Darlene, Lynn, Mandi and Lisa for all their support they gave me as well as every Spy that I have met.
December of 2011, I lost 100 lbs. January 13, 2012 I completed my first half marathon. Shawn did it in just over 2 hours and I took 3 hours and nine minutes. I was down 112 lbs. I was happy. I mean I was truly happy. I felt better than I ever have in my entire life. I had everything I ever wanted. I had a husband and a beautiful baby girl and I was feeling strong mentally and physically.
April/May 2012 my life fell apart. My husband left and all I had was my daughter that I would have to take care of on my own. I was devastated. I didnít eat and fell to my lowest weight of this journey. I was down 142 lbs. Iíve stayed fairly consistent at that weight but I would like to lose more.
May/June 2013, I maintained my 142 lbs weight loss and was sent an email. I was asked if I would mind talking to a magazine. I was ecstatic and nervous. I did the first interview and was told that I was picked for the magazine. I was so proud. I never had been chosen for something like that before. I know itís vain and stupidÖ but I finally felt like the kid that got picked first in gym class. I agreed to come out of my closet and let them publish fat pictures of me with my weight, something I have never published on Spark or anywhere else. I was going to live out loud. I was finally going to celebrate me. I was going to tell people to not dietÖ Live healthy. Itís my motto.
I worked hard for the photo shoot, changed my schedule, took off from work, and bought clothes I would never wear all to have my moment. The photo shoot happened and, frankly everyone was so nice but I hated how I looked in the running clothes. I felt fat. I havenít really felt fat in a long time. I tried to work through it in my head. I was still proud that I had been chosen. I told all my spark friends about it, I told all my Weight Watcherís friends (Have I mentioned that My Weight Watcher ladies Rosie and Donna have been so much support that I can never thank them enough), I told my facebook friends (some of them didnít even know I was losing weight), I told my facebook followers (look me up justchellesknockingthefatoff) and I told my family. I was finally so proud of myself.
I went on a cruise last week. I got home Saturday and bought the First For Women magazine I was supposed to be in. I wasnít in it, just my recipe. I was humiliated, disappointed, frustrated and sad. I worked my butt off and I was left off. They told me they let me know and in their defense I did get an email August 28th. 5 days. My time and effort was only worth them giving me 5 days notice to deal with what this did. They stole my joy. They made me for the first time in 2 years feel not good enough. They made me feel like the fat girl all over again. They stole my pride. They stole my heart.
I truly donít think they get it. I donít think the editors know what this journey is and how hard it is even when you are done losing weight or just trying to lose that last 10 lbs. Iím not sure many people get what losing 142 lbs is and what you go through. I donít know that people who diet and lose and gain and lose and gain truly get what this feels like.
So here it is world. I am taking my power back. I am finding my joy. Michelle Miller Andrews was 287 lbs when she started this journey. The day I looked fat that I had my picture taken for First Magazine for Women that was not good enough to use I was wearing a size small in Under Armour and weight 139.8 lbs. My shirt was a size small. However, my body was not perfectÖ My skin is not tight. My stomach isnít flat; my teeth arenít perfect, my arms are flabby, but guess what, I earned my 37 inch hips that use to be 55 inches. Oh and I wore a push up bra that day because I went from a 42 DD to a 32 A cup and I didnít want to be flat chested.
Iíd like to thank my Shamrock Sheriffís especially Tammy for kicking me in the butt this morning when I was having my pity party. Oh and Maggie, I really am disappointed that I donít get to send you the magazine.
I wanted this so badly so I could show my little girl Peiton that if you truly work hard for something that one day someone will recognize you for your efforts. I am truly sorry that the magazine didnít have the space to fit my story in because I really think; if you read my blogs that I have done something special. I really hope that one day they get that you shouldnít mislead and toy with people like that and that 5 days is not common courtesy.
Beyond that, I hope that my time on Spark has been motivating and inspiring to a few because at the end of the day thatís more than I ever started out hoping for. I hope one day no one will ever again make me feel like I wasnít worth it because I know I am. I know you are worth the effort.
This me at my 2nd half marathon down to under 3 hours
I think by writing this, even with the tears streaming down my face that I found my joy again.
Peiton.. if you ever find this blog.. your self worth and accomplishments are not determined by anyone other than yourself. If I teach you nothing else, please know that.