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JUSTCHELLE75
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The Loss of Joy (Pictures of my journey)

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Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Thatís a terrible title isnít it? Thatís a terrible for sentence, as well. It is what it is and I am hoping that when I get this all out of my system that something positive will surface. This is how I blog or I write. I ramble and eventually have an epiphany and maybe a lesson learned. I havenít blogged a lot lately so some of you may not recognize my name or my face. Let me introduce you to me.

ďHi my name is Chelle, JustChelle, or sometimes even Michelle.Ē I joined Weight Watcherís and Sparkpeople on the very same day. That day was January 17, 2011. Thatís the day I have dubbed my healthiversary. Thatís the day I stopped dieting and I started to just live healthy. Itís such a simple concept that so many want to try to not do. We so often look for the get thin quick scheme and go for the temporary results that we neglect to realize that if we want to be the best person we can be physically and mentally that itís a 365 day 224 hour a day journey. I started my lifestyle change slowly by counting points, modifying the things I ate, reading articles on Spark and getting support from the Spark groups as well as my Weight Watcherís meetings. I also started walking slowly. The weight came off and I became stronger and was doing more.
labor day 2010

In May of 2011, my husband and I walked/ trotted my first 5k. It was a Weight Watcherís event. I was dreadfully slow, but I felt so empowered because I did it and I had so much support. June of 2011, I saw a lottery for the Houston Aramco Half Marathon. My friends who didnít really get how out of shape I had been encouraged me to go for it. I asked my husband if he would do it with me and help me, and he agreed. We made the cut.

September 2011, I had lost 60 lbs and was still overweight. I was obsessed with an infomercial for a workout called Insanity. I didnít think I could do it so I didnít order it. One weekend my husband went to check the mail and came back with a box for me. He had ordered Insanity for me. Iím not sure if he even realizes that he had more faith in me than I had in myself. We did the program together. I joined A Biggest Loser challenge at the same time. I met some great supporters there in a group called the Spies. I would personally like to thank, Darlene, Lynn, Mandi and Lisa for all their support they gave me as well as every Spy that I have met.

December of 2011, I lost 100 lbs. January 13, 2012 I completed my first half marathon. Shawn did it in just over 2 hours and I took 3 hours and nine minutes. I was down 112 lbs. I was happy. I mean I was truly happy. I felt better than I ever have in my entire life. I had everything I ever wanted. I had a husband and a beautiful baby girl and I was feeling strong mentally and physically.
April/May 2012 my life fell apart. My husband left and all I had was my daughter that I would have to take care of on my own. I was devastated. I didnít eat and fell to my lowest weight of this journey. I was down 142 lbs. Iíve stayed fairly consistent at that weight but I would like to lose more.

May/June 2013, I maintained my 142 lbs weight loss and was sent an email. I was asked if I would mind talking to a magazine. I was ecstatic and nervous. I did the first interview and was told that I was picked for the magazine. I was so proud. I never had been chosen for something like that before. I know itís vain and stupidÖ but I finally felt like the kid that got picked first in gym class. I agreed to come out of my closet and let them publish fat pictures of me with my weight, something I have never published on Spark or anywhere else. I was going to live out loud. I was finally going to celebrate me. I was going to tell people to not dietÖ Live healthy. Itís my motto.

I worked hard for the photo shoot, changed my schedule, took off from work, and bought clothes I would never wear all to have my moment. The photo shoot happened and, frankly everyone was so nice but I hated how I looked in the running clothes. I felt fat. I havenít really felt fat in a long time. I tried to work through it in my head. I was still proud that I had been chosen. I told all my spark friends about it, I told all my Weight Watcherís friends (Have I mentioned that My Weight Watcher ladies Rosie and Donna have been so much support that I can never thank them enough), I told my facebook friends (some of them didnít even know I was losing weight), I told my facebook followers (look me up justchellesknockingthefatoff) and I told my family. I was finally so proud of myself.
I went on a cruise last week. I got home Saturday and bought the First For Women magazine I was supposed to be in. I wasnít in it, just my recipe. I was humiliated, disappointed, frustrated and sad. I worked my butt off and I was left off. They told me they let me know and in their defense I did get an email August 28th. 5 days. My time and effort was only worth them giving me 5 days notice to deal with what this did. They stole my joy. They made me for the first time in 2 years feel not good enough. They made me feel like the fat girl all over again. They stole my pride. They stole my heart.

I truly donít think they get it. I donít think the editors know what this journey is and how hard it is even when you are done losing weight or just trying to lose that last 10 lbs. Iím not sure many people get what losing 142 lbs is and what you go through. I donít know that people who diet and lose and gain and lose and gain truly get what this feels like.

So here it is world. I am taking my power back. I am finding my joy. Michelle Miller Andrews was 287 lbs when she started this journey. The day I looked fat that I had my picture taken for First Magazine for Women that was not good enough to use I was wearing a size small in Under Armour and weight 139.8 lbs. My shirt was a size small. However, my body was not perfectÖ My skin is not tight. My stomach isnít flat; my teeth arenít perfect, my arms are flabby, but guess what, I earned my 37 inch hips that use to be 55 inches. Oh and I wore a push up bra that day because I went from a 42 DD to a 32 A cup and I didnít want to be flat chested.

Iíd like to thank my Shamrock Sheriffís especially Tammy for kicking me in the butt this morning when I was having my pity party. Oh and Maggie, I really am disappointed that I donít get to send you the magazine.

I wanted this so badly so I could show my little girl Peiton that if you truly work hard for something that one day someone will recognize you for your efforts. I am truly sorry that the magazine didnít have the space to fit my story in because I really think; if you read my blogs that I have done something special. I really hope that one day they get that you shouldnít mislead and toy with people like that and that 5 days is not common courtesy.


Beyond that, I hope that my time on Spark has been motivating and inspiring to a few because at the end of the day thatís more than I ever started out hoping for. I hope one day no one will ever again make me feel like I wasnít worth it because I know I am. I know you are worth the effort.
This me at my 2nd half marathon down to under 3 hours

I think by writing this, even with the tears streaming down my face that I found my joy again.



Peiton.. if you ever find this blog.. your self worth and accomplishments are not determined by anyone other than yourself. If I teach you nothing else, please know that.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v NASFKAB
    awesome well done
    702 days ago
  • v KIMDOU
    Such a great read. You're amazing. To overcome the hard things and keep pushing to be the best you possible. Very inspirational.
    747 days ago
  • v WARRIORGIRL121
    Chelle, you are so inspirational! Don't let ANYONE take your joy like that again. You are beautiful. you have worked hard. You have won your health and your body. It doesn't matter what the magazine folks or anyone else think because they did not walk in your shoes or do the work that you did. You go girl! You are fantastic! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    771 days ago
  • v -ICANDOIT-
    I am not even sure how I ended up stumbling across this blog....but WOW!!!
    What a great tribute to you- for all you were and all you have become!
    No magazines were there when you were saying no to bad choices and yes to good ones, when you were wanting to give up and chose not to....
    it has all been YOU....taking those steps every day-
    and that is the biggest win of all!
    Congratulations on earning a wonderful YOU! I am so inspired by you!!
    809 days ago
  • v JCOOL77
    LOVED this post and tried to find you on FB but that link is coming back dead? If you are still there I would love to read more!
    812 days ago
  • v AHAVAH123
    You are an absolutely amazing young woman.
    Thanks for inspiring me!!
    emoticon
    844 days ago
  • v WORK-IT-MAMA
    Hi Chelle,

    I just found your blog through a member post. I just want you to know that you are an encouragement to me. I am at my highest weight of all time and am trying to find motivation to focus on me and my health. Seeing your dramatic change within one year is so AWESOME! It gives me hope. I have gained and lost before but the road ahead at this point looks so steep and scary. Thank you for pouring your heart out and inspiring others. And, that magazine lost their chance at a GREAT story!

    Thanks again!
    867 days ago
  • v SLIMPAM23
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE to look at your photos!! So happy for your success - and hoping to find my motivation again any day!!
    Keep shining sister!!
    Pam
    932 days ago
  • v ZOE13O
    You are emoticon ! and don't forget it!
    You have had an amazing journey and should be so proud of what
    you've accomplished. Someday when your daughter is old enough to
    understand all you've been through - she's going to say I have the strongest
    most amazing mom ever!!!!
    Thanks for sharing your journey with all of us on Spark People!
    947 days ago
  • v CRZYMOM04
    You are so amazing reading your story and your strengh. Congrats on all your hard work.

    959 days ago
  • v SIMPLELIFE101
    So sorry you had to go through this. Hang tight to your friends, they must be proud of you. emoticon
    961 days ago
  • v LIVINHEALTHY9
    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Sorry the magazine didn't follow through.
    Don't let that take away your joy. You are a winner!
    962 days ago
  • v FITMAY
    YOU are emoticon
    962 days ago
  • v EG8383
    I'm speechless and all I can say is that this blog...you and your story of triumph has brought me to tears. AMAZINGGGG!!
    962 days ago
  • v LOWCARBRENEE
    You look great!
    962 days ago
  • v OFFICECHIK
    Chelle,
    You may have lost your joy for a minute but you've given many people joy and hope just by writing this blog. What a testimony and so inspirational. Who needs those lousy magazines that never want to write truths anyway? Most magazine are filled with false pictures that have been edited and touched up. That's their selling method.

    But that isn't what the majority of people want. We want real life stories and real life pictures that we can identify with and connect with. We want to know that they're are other people that have gone through similar experiences or their bodies have similarities.

    That is what your story is. It's real life. Not picture perfect, beautiful, all rosy and sweet. You've fought hard and have been bruised and bloodied in the battle. But you immersed stronger and more beautiful and you are a success story. You give us hope. You inspire and thrill us with possibilities for ourselves.

    Hold your head up high sweetie. You are an accomplishment. You are the victor. You were too good of a story for that magazine. They were not worthy of you. Dismiss them. They are not worth your anguish. And DO NOT give them the power to steal your joy.

    You have a beautiful light within you. Let it shine!!!!
    Tammy
    962 days ago
  • v NJSHAR
    What you wrote here is as good as anything posted in any magazine. It's your story, told your way. You went through a lot to get to where you are, and you deserve to be comfortable in your own skin, and feel great about yourself.

    emoticon
    963 days ago
  • v JENIR1975
    You are awesome and your story is truly motivating. Shame on the magazine but yay you for realizing all you have accomplished! You look great and I am sure your daughter is very proud of you and always will be!
    963 days ago
  • v SUNNYBEACHGIRL
    Just wow. You look great. At least your story was important enough to be considered. But Wow emoticon
    963 days ago
  • v WILDFLOWERMA
    I can understand how disappointed you feel about not being in the magazine. Another opportunity like that may come along. What have done is amazing! You have made it to where I need to go and your story is a huge inspiration. Please keep sharing your spark & light the path for the rest of us :)
    963 days ago
  • v BEBOP4ME
    Chelle,

    You are a huge inspiration to the people that matter- real people who are working on getting fit. Real people who will never look like a super model, but can reclaim their health back - just like you did! Quite frankly your story and your pictures are more meaningful than someone in a magazine that probably got plastic surgery after losing weight so they could look like a super model. Be proud anyways and I bet your daughter will be too one day when she is old enough to understand. You are amazing! Now look at yourself in the mirror and repeat that until you start believing it again!
    965 days ago
  • v CARM1401
    You are AMAZING and STRONG emoticon
    965 days ago
  • v NOMORETHEFATTY
    It was very bad of them to do what they did but remember you lost all that weight without the help of that magazine so you sure as hell don't need them now. Reading the other comment you are a huge inspiration to other so put that smile back on your face & wallow in your own JOY, you've earn't it.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    966 days ago
  • v TINAJANE76
    Magazine article or not, you are a huge success, girl! I'm so sorry you had such a negative experience, but just look at how much you've got to celebrate. You inspire me and so many others here. So glad you were able to reclaim your joy!
    966 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/30/2013 10:11:44 PM
  • v DECLARE74
    Your story is very inspirational Chelle, I'm just starting out and don't expect this to happen over night or to be perfect all the time - it is after all a life time of bad habits I am reforming but your story shows me it is possible. I was tearing up reading it.

    Peiton is truly bleesed to have a mum so strong, and so beautiful on the inside, and now your hard work have made your outer shell beautiful too

    That magazine is typical media behaviour and why I don't invest my money or time in any papers or magazines :-( I'm saddened that their ridiculous bias towards what they perceive as the "right look" has hurt you and probably many others - it is time they woke up to the damage they cause
    971 days ago
  • v LINZEE118
    WOW! What a story & what an inspiration you are to me! I'm only half way through my journey of the weight loss part. I will not forget what you said. Never! Your self worth & accoplishments are not determined by anyone other than yourself! That was worth repeating! You rock girl! emoticon emoticon Linda
    973 days ago
  • v SIRENSONGS
    Your story is truly amazing and inspiring. I have been very close to giving up lately, but reading your story has given me that little extra push that I need to keep going today. Thank you so much for that, and I hope you continue to shine like this for the rest of your life! emoticon
    973 days ago
  • v OAKASHANDTHORN
    What a wonderful story!

    You are so right: No one can take your self-value away from you.

    You have traveled a fantastic road to success. Peiton will be so proud of you when she is older. You are setting an excellent example for her. She will be running with you in a few years!

    Best wishes for your continued and much-deserved success and happiness! You are testimony to the strength of the human soul.


    974 days ago
  • v RURAL3
    You should be very proud of yourself and your accomplishment. Do not rely on a magazine for your value. Just goes to show you that those magazines are not all they are cracked up to be. emoticon
    974 days ago
  • v KONA509
    You are beautiful and an amazing person! No one can take your accomplishments away from you! Not everyone will appreciate the amazing things you have done--but that is their issue, not yours!

    Thank you for being an an inspiration !

    emoticon emoticon
    974 days ago
  • v DONNA!!
    Hi Chelle! Let me start by saying I am a big magazine reader and won't buy First For Women again. They could and should have handled your situation differently. Most emoticon importantly you are amazing ... Inspiring ... Empowered and healthy! Don't let anyone steal you joy! You did it girl!
    974 days ago
  • v RACHAELANN810
    Chelle,

    Thank you more than you will ever know. I have been at such a low point, I am climbing out of it but it has been a journey of re-defining myself. I am older than you but your story touched my heart has we have shared some of the same experiences.
    You are an outstanding example to your child that no magazine article could ever amount to. It is what is tangible, what can be touched and talked to what she shares with you each and every day, these will be the best example.

    Shine, you deserve it.
    Love
    Rachael
    975 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/22/2013 2:39:23 AM
  • v SKIRNIR
    You know, I think they made a mistake not including your story and yes, it was/is very rude of them to suddenly just not include your story. Sounds to me like you are moving on, probably better than I would/could. Congrats to you for the lost weight and for moving on with your life, when someone does you wrong.
    986 days ago
  • v MWWENSIN
    You came to the correct realization that what you think about yourself matters most. You have done a great job with your weight loss. You have done a great job revising your thinking - you were beautiful at any weight - it just took some weight loss and a change of your thinking to realize that. You have gained in your confidence by realizing how much you could do. Thanks for posting the blog!
    988 days ago
  • v IFDEEVARUNS2
    Shame on them! They couldn't see the winner staring them right in the face. You are a champion, Chelle!
    989 days ago
  • v LCDM83
    Chelle- You motivate us with what you've done and continue to do! Your joy is YOURS and don't let anyone take it from you.
    989 days ago
  • v RUNNERJUDY
    oh rats...how horribly disappointing. I'm so sorry emoticon
    989 days ago
  • v GOING-STRONG
    Loved your blog and you sent a powerful message. I noticed your name... you go by Chelle. My daughter is Rachelle and she is also called Chelle. My granddaughter is Peyton... isn't that a hoot! Best to you in the future... 147 pounds... you ROCK!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    991 days ago
  • v CINDYWAGNER1
    emoticon YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO ME AND I KNOW TO OTHERS. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS GREAT POST!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
    991 days ago
  • v STEVIEBEE569
    Thanks for sharing your story. Very inspiring!
    991 days ago
  • v SOLOMUA
    Thank you for sharing your story...you've given hope to so many out there, including me! The magazine people don't know what they're doing, and don't realize what you've been through simply because they do not care or understand the processes you've been through - to them, you are just a story - but they are so wrong - and its their loss!

    emoticon


    992 days ago
  • v IWANTTOBEFIT10
    AMAZING!!!! :)
    992 days ago
  • v ABBIE0224
    wow this is so motivating, emotional and beautiful! You have made your daughter proud, you don't have to be in a magazine to see the impact you have had on her life and others. emoticon
    992 days ago
  • v ABUFFKIN
    You are a truly awesome and amazing person and I am so sorry that the stupid magazine caused you to forget it for even one milisecond. The fact that they didn't make room for your interview does not negate even one iota all of the hard work and blood, sweat and tears you shed for your victory. You are still an exceptional woman and your very inspiring story I am positive will make a huge difference in the lives of so many who are struggling through this journey (myself included). You are a beautiful person and you have a beautiful daughter. God bless you!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    992 days ago
  • v MERANDARENEE
    This is a wonderful blog!! Thank you for sharing it & for being so real & honest!! I hope you never let anyone steal your joy again! You are truly an inspiration!!!!
    emoticon
    992 days ago
  • v 5KGRANNY
    Chelle Please don't let the magazine take away your well deserved joy!!! The media is in it for themselves and profit. They don't care what your feelings are and it's so wrong!!! Your journey has been an inspiration to all of us!! I feel blessed that I've had the opportunity to get to know you. You are a joy and a piece of sunshine!!! emoticon
    992 days ago
  • v SHERRYWILSON
    I'm proud of you and I hope your blogs send out to all the other people how great you are and that the magazine the loser here not you just because they can't see a great story apparently they need glasses new people or something don't let this magazine make you feel any less positive because they do this to hurt people to rear them down that's not nice but you are and your daughter knows the true you and I'm sure she appreciates you when she gets old enough to see the blog and she will know her self worth because you taught it to her I believe in you and sorry to hear about your husband you still keep going and going more positive days ahead with your daughter
    992 days ago
  • v SHERRYWILSON

    I think you done a fantastic job and in proud of you and I'm sure your daughter is too and I feel the magazine company just wasted your time but glad you got to experience it because it shows how good people are good other that just try to make people feel like their self worth is made by what they think and show in magazines it's not
    You made it what you wanted and congratulations on a well written blog the power and strength and determination and the humiliation from magazine the sad thing is magazine just out for them self they don't care about the person that should be changed but the experience of it made you feel proud but never be down or feelings ad ab
    992 days ago
  • v FITAT50
    You are a beautiful person inside and out, don't you forget it girlie! You have inspired hundreds of people here on Spark with your amazing accomplishments, it's the rest of the country's loss that you were denied the opportunity to inspire them also.

    I think Linda had a great idea to post on First's FB page, I'll be heading there myself. Stay strong Chelle and remember your words to Pea "your self worth and accomplishments are not determined by anyone other than yourself" emoticon
    992 days ago
  • v BASEBALLMOM21
    Chelle wow!!! what a inspiration
    992 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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